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58. The Time Between

THIS ALL HAPPENS IN BETWEEN JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER.... & ERIC I BUT THAT BEING SAID THIS IS ALL VERY CANON AND NEEDS TO BE READ IN ORDER TO UNDERSTAND COMING PLOT LINES!

I couldn't move.

My body physically wouldn't let me.

That's how my body was for the past few hours. The most I could do was wiggle my toes and- eventually- my fingers.

I couldn't scream- even talk normally- for help either.

Sounds that used to sound like words- perfectly fine words- sounded like a garbled mess. My throat was dry...hurt to even breath.

It felt like every moment I was on that dirty motel carpet floor, I was dying a little more.

Mentally, that is.

I knew my wounds were superficial, albeit painful.

I didn't think I'd need anything more than bandages if I need out of here.

If...

Oh God...I might not make it.

I might die.

The truth is I didn't even know if I cared.

Sure, the thing that made my life a living hell was gone- well for the most part.

My father was dead but not gone; his touch was still there, his voice in my ear was still there, and all the fucking memories of him are still there- playing on a loop.

He'll never truly be gone.

I'll always have that baggage because of him.

If...I made it out.

I truly didn't know it that moment if I was going to live or not.

I couldn't move to get help. I couldn't move to eat. I couldn't move for anything.

I could only breath. I could only see. And even that is barely working; my sight was blurry- maybe from the tears or maybe from whatever the hell my father put in the wine.

Because he did put something in it. Drugs, I don't know what...I don't know how much but he had to have.

I mean...I'm not drunk but I feel dizzy- like I wanna hurl. And again...I can't fucking move.

I'm scared but I can't feel. I'm sad but I can't feel it. I am a lot of emotions but at the same time I'm not.

Most of me is...numb.

I'm numb, mentally and physically.

I can't feel the pain in my cut up leg and my arms, or in my nose or all over really! I'm bruised everywhere but I can't feel it.

This isn't forever...I'll hurt soon again.

It'll probably be the worst of my life.

Damn it!

Being stuck here with just my thoughts is not going anything good to or for me.

I make an attempt to move but I can't.

I heard ringing, my father's phone...again.

It's been ringing all night and into the morning, I'm guessing it's the only friend my father had. Jude.

It's been getting more often for the past...well I didn't have any sense of time, I'm guessing about an hour. He called about twice in the past ten minutes so I'm sure he had to be worried.