one shots - thai BL/GL

18 ; jackzhaolian (history3: trapped)

this was a request!!! (taiwanese drama)
trigger warning: angst
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jacks pov

i've have always been in love with zhao li an for as long as i can remember. we have been friends since college and over the years, my feelings had grown stronger and stronger. i have never told zhao li an how i felt though. i was too afraid of ruining our friendship.

but zhao li an was completely unaware of my feelings. he saw me as a friend and colleague, nothing more. he was dedicated to his work and didn't have time for love. at least, that's what i told myself.

one day, i got a call from zhao li an. i could hear the excitement in my friend's voice as he told me that he had just gotten a job offer in the united states. he was going to be moving away in a few weeks.

it felt like my world was ending. i had always thought that i would have more time with zhao li an, that we would eventually end up together. but now, it seemed like that would never happen.

in the weeks leading up to zhao li an's departure, i tried my best to spend as much time with him as possible. i wanted to make every moment count, to create memories that would last a lifetime.

but no matter how hard i tried, i couldn't shake the feeling that i was running out of time. i knew that once zhao li an moved away, we'd drift apart. i would be just another person in zhao li an's life, a distant memory of a time long gone.

the night before zhao li an was set to leave, i invited him over for dinner. we sat at the table, eating and talking about old times. everything i wanted say to him, stayed bottled up inside of me. i said so much yet i didn't say a word.

as the night wore on, my feelings grew more and more intense. i wanted to tell zhao li an how i felt, to let him know that i loved him more than anything in the world.

but i didn't. i couldn't bring myself to do it.

as we said our goodbyes that night, i felt like i was saying goodbye to a part of myself. i watched as zhao li an walked out the door, my heart heavy with regret.

the next day, i got a call from zhao li an's sister. she told me that there had been an accident. zhao li an had been hit by a car and was in critical condition.

i rushed to the hospital, my heart pounding in my chest. i sat in the waiting room, waiting for news. but the news never came.

hours turned into days. and still, there was no word. i sat by zhao li an's bedside, holding his hand and praying for a miracle. but it never came.

two days later, he died.

i was devastated. i lost the love of my life, the one person who had ever truly understood me. i didn't know how i was going to go on without him.

in the months that followed, i tried to pick up the pieces of my life but it was impossible. everywhere i looked, i saw reminders of zhao li an. the pain was too much to bear.

one day, as i was driving down the highway, i saw a car coming towards me. i tried to swerve out of the way but it was too late. the car crashed into me and everything went black.

in the end, i got what i wanted. i was reunited with zhao li an but at what cost? i had lost everything else in my life, including the chance to tell zhao li an how much i loved him.