Meet Some Friends Of Mine (South Park X Reader)

Is A Dead Man

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"Fuck you!" Stan points his finger at Cartman.

"You're dead, Stan!"

"I don't know what you're talking about." He crosses his arms.

"You think I'm an idiot?" Cartman scowls.

"Fuck this." Stan puts his hands up in the air, completely over this situation.

Kyle slams the door open to Cartman's living room, running in out of breath and panting.

"What— the fuck, are you doing?" He asks, his hands on his knees as he looks around.

There stands Kenny, hood off and rubbing his eyes. Cartman— cornering Stan, who looks more angry then anything, by the stairs. The energy between the boys is tense as they glare at each other, challenging and fighting for dominance.

"He needs to get his fucking act together." Cartman grumbles.

"What do you want from me?" Stan spits, swinging his hands around, dramatic and appalled by the bigger boy's stupidity.

"I'll kill you right here, lover boy". Cartman fumes.

"What the hell happened?" Kyle yells in confusion, cutting off the boys obvious attempts at riling each other up. That ultimately is leading nowhere.

It's quiet for a moment as the pair scowl at each other, eyebrows down and frustrated— both for different reasons.

"Stan stuck his tongue down your neighbors throat".
He mumbles, not taking his eyes off Stan for a second as they continue their dance.

"Jesus Christ..." Stan squeezes his eyes shut and pinches the bridge of his nose.

Kyle is stunned as the image comes back to him, they had seen the whole thing go down from the crack in the bathroom door. Things had gone quiet between the two and so they had cracked the heavy door open to look, what they were met with was not what they expected. Forced to watch in silent shock as his best friends confess their 'love' for each other.

He widens his eyes at Stan, at a complete loss for words. Stan looks away, avoiding his gaze.

"I had no choice". He looks back to Cartman.

"You expect me to believe that shit?" Cartman crosses his arms.

"You're the one who told me too!" Stan shoves his hands in his pockets, raising his volume to new highs.

"I said speak to her. Not suck her face you fucking dumbass!" Cartman is back pointing his finger at the boy, aiming his rage directly to him.

" 'whatever it takes', yeah? That's what it took. Fuck you, fat ass."

Kenny sighs and rubs his temples, headache coming on strong. He doesn't like when his friends fight, but he would be lying if he said he wasn't equally— uncomfortable— about the kiss.

"Dudes, come on- knock it off". Kyle crosses his arms, defeated.

The room falls quiet for a while, as Stan and Cartman continues their stare down. Eventually, Stan falls short as he sighs and looks down to the floor.

"We had to beat Wendy, you know that". He says quietly, looking away.

Kyle puts his hands to his hips and walks towards the boys, grabbing Stan by the arm and pulling him away from the wall. Effectively elbowing Cartman out of the way in the process. Cartman takes a step back as he scowls at Stan, never taking his eyes off him.