No one else but you (Book 3. of „Only you")

Self sabotage

Nora POV

„Lizzie?" I whispered towards Lizzie's back.

„Hmm?" Lizzie replied quietly sounding half asleep.

„Are you still awake?" I asked quietly.

„Yes." She yawned in reply.

„I've been meaning to tell you something. I can remember something from that incident."
Lizzie's body made a whole 180 turn and she looked pretty awake by now.

„What exactly and how did you remember and when was it? Why didn't tell me before?" she bombarded me with questions but I get that she is exited about finding out what I do remember.

„It happened after physical therapy. I was ok my way back to my room with nurse Olivia and we always talked about a lot of things. Out of nothing it came to my mind that Victor wanted to shoot you. I wasn't the target in his first place. He knew how to make me suffer the most and that would be by losing someone I care about. So I jumped in front of you. This is all I can remember."
I explained and Lizzie had her eyes fixated on me but I couldn't tell how she feels about it.

„That is great. I mean not what had happened... obviously. But that you do remember a glimpse of it is good. I am proud that you had this progress. This is a good sign."

„Yeah. I thought the same I was really exited when I noticed that this was a new information. So there is hope that I will know everything one day."

„Thank you for telling me. I know that you will relive those moments as soon as you remember and I am here for you if you need to talk. Or if you need to be distracted." she told me as she stroked a hair strain behind my ear.

„Yeah. I honestly just want to get over it. I don't like standing in the dark. But sometimes I think it's a good thing that I do."

„How so?" she asked me curiously.

„I can let go. I won't hold onto bad memories. I have enough space in my mind to build new ones.
Maybe I am supposed to be without those memories." I opened up not being sure if I should have said that.

„Even when I am involved in those missing memories?" she asked me with pain in her voice.
I held in for a moment trying to collect the right words.

„Maybe yes. Maybe this could be a new start for the both of us. I know that we had our history and I bet there have been a lot of ups and downs. Some good and bad memories but I don't know if I need them."

„Does that mean you don't need me? Since you don't feel like you need to remember what we had." she asked as pain, anger and confusion seeps through her voice. She has tears in her eyes already and I knew I hit a Nerve.

„No. I didn't mean that. You twisted my words."
I tired to defend myself but she shook her head.

„No I don't. You just said „I don't know if I need them" this is a clear answer. You don't need me and neither do you need the memories we shared." she repeated my words and I realized that I should have chosen my words more carefully.
She sat herself up knowing that this conversation is a bit more serious then usual.

„This is you insecurity talking Lizzie. I do need you here. I would love to have you around. It's just that those memories are heavy and I start to believe that I don't want to repeat them in my mind."

„Oh so now you are calling me insecure?" she asked sounding mad now. I sat myself up by now as well because I am clearly awake now and on top confused as well.

„Why are you doing this?" I asked now sounding a bit mad.

„Doing what?" she asked confused.

„You self sabotage your mind. You twist the words in my mouth around and give them a whole different meaning. I didn't mean it in that way. Can you please just understand that I've had enough things going in my life that made me tired of everything. So tired that I don't even wanna remember some parts of my past."

„Well that part of your past that you don't remember is me!! I am the part that got erased. I'd be happy if your psychotic ex would be erased out of your mind but not me. This hurts okay? I've been sticking beside you for months. Now you are back but with an erased mind when it comes to me. When it comes to US!!" she started to get louder and I could hear the pain in her voice.

„I didn't ask for you to stick around. Did I?"
I asked now sounding offensive and cold.

„What the fuck Nora you didn't ask for me to stick around but you most certainly asked for me to take care of your kids and dog. Heck you could have asked Beth who was always beside you. I flipped my whole career around for you. I was slowly getting back into your life and I got dragged into it as soon as you've asked me this question while you were literally dying in my arms."
Her answer felt like a stab into my heart for some reason and this tells me that I shouldn't have asked her to do that.

„Wow. Okay. This speaks volumes. I asked you to stay not even minutes ago. You seemed to ignore those words and focus on the negative ones. But I think I should rephrase myself." I spoke up and she watched me carefully.

„I think you should leave." I demanded calmly.

„What?" she asked perplexed even though my words were as clear as water.

„I said I think you should leave. If you didn't want to be here with my kids in the first place then you shouldn't be here at all. I am extremely thankful that you still kept that promise but now that I am back I think it's time for you to leave."

„You've done your part. Now it is time for me to take over. Go back to your house. Go back to your husband. Visit him in prison and ask him why the fuck he wanted to kill me. Leave. It's nothing new if you would cause everyone around me does."
She looked at me so irritated probably because of the things I said but also because of the way I said it. I was calm and cold. I gave of an unbothered impression even though It bothered me a lot!

Like a stab to the heart she got up and started to grab her things. She didn't even bother to change her clothes. This is how fast she wanted to leave.
She was probably waiting for me to say it.
She stopped at the edge of the stair case and looked back at me for a moment. Words lingered on her quivering lips but she made no sound.

The silence between us was heavy yet so loud that the spoken words have unmeasurable volumes.
Oh how I wish I could remember us differently now. But I can't. No matter how hard I try my mind is gatekeeping probably the best thing that had happened to me in those traumatic and chaotic years.

...

A/n: I had to hop in for the last chapter of this book. I know y'all probably want to rip my head off but hey good news this ain't over yet!! A fourth book will be added.

I wanted to thank you guys for reading and rooting for this story if I could hug you all I would. This means a lot to me. I love your reactions and they cheer me up every time!

Lots of love from the other side

Stay tuned
Until next time
Peace and love!! ✌🏽❤️

~S