Chapter 23

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Lauren

I never imagined life to be so hard, even on the most easy of days, I struggled to see why with so much heart I could feel so much pain. I hated myself sometimes, wondering why I reacted in certain ways or why I chose to be the way I was

This morning was rough, but something within me although exhausted felt calm. My mind filtering through thoughts that for some reason always ended in Camila. She was harmless really, a little troubled but in comparison to most, she was an angel lost in the world of demons

I begged my brain to stop thinking of her so fondly, not because I disliked her but because I started to feel like I needed her. The hours without her at work resembling that of withdrawal and overwhelming boredom. I even walked from my office towards the studios just to see if she was rehearsing after dark

She was.

Her sweet, caramel skin contorted around the studio like a spring breeze. She was magnificent, a real time representation of everything that felt safe. I hated feeling safe, but with her, because of her, it felt ok. I watched her for a few minutes, occasionally catching a glimpse of my green eyes in the glass when she sank to the floor and poured out her heart against the music

I wouldn't let my dad take her from me, from the academy. She was too precious, a stone carved by the ocean that washed up after being tormented by waves and tangling winds. I knew she was special, a diamond in the rough, a gem cast within solid stone I was more than willing to chip away at

I watched her for a moment more before opening the heavy door, the cold metal of the handle in my palm a gentle break from the trance I'd for a while been engulfed within. I didn't say a word, I didn't even mumble a syllable as I approached her

Upon noticing me she stopped dancing, her tired muscles waiting for me almost as I walked across the studio floor. Those big brown eyes settled into my own and for a moment she smiled, curiously anticipating why I was there rather than fearing my presence like before. I loved the change in her expression

"I love this song" I spoke quietly as I reached for her hip "The Earth Prelude, right? It's beautiful!" she smiled back at me as I began to move towards the delicate music, taking her body with me and not once deciding to break eye contact as we took control of the room in a slow but intimate dance

"It really is" she smiled back under a whisper, lifting her palms to lace around the back of my neck "Like you"

I could feel my gaze soften as she spoke, those silky soft tones in her fragile voice clearly only given to me "You're beautiful too Camila" I admit, pushing her away to grab her fingertips, smiling to myself as she span in a small circle and quickly joined back against my chest to face me "Inside and out"

Her eyes dipped into my chest before darting back into my gaze "I'm not so sure about that"

"I am" my response was fast but true "It took me a while to realise it but I'm certain now, you challenge me but I thrive on the chaos" I laughed under my breath, continuing our dance around the room to the heartfelt music "We're not all that different either, you show me parts of myself I didn't always like to look at"

Her gaze dampened and I made sure to reach a hand to lift her chin with a smile "I like looking at them now, because I know you're looking with me" I admit "I'm sorry if I don't make you feel like I do Camila" my eyes settled into her new focus "I'm learning, not very quickly but I am! I want to learn how to make you feel like I really care"

She curved her lips into a bright smirk, her cheeks glowing a soft red "You just did" she replied "Right now, I can feel that you do"

"You can?" I asked gently

She nodded back, using the palms around the back of my neck to gently stroke the base of my skull "You're right, we're not all that different" she laughed "Which is why I know that this is hard for you to do, to be honest" my heart felt warm against her words and for a moment I almost didn't realise us to have stopped dancing all together "You have walls just like I do, but I can see through some of the gaps, I can see that you care and that you want this"

"I really do" I smiled, taking a deep breath when the light in her eyes brightened a little in response. Earlier with my dad made me realise that losing Camila wasn't something I could deal with, I needed her and although it pained me to say, I couldn't be without her "I want this"

She didn't say anything more before stepping in on her tip toes to reach my lips. Her kiss was soft and tender, her eyes closed and her chest pressed firmly against my own. I slid my palm down onto her lower back and used the other to cup the back of her head, stroking the locks of brown between my fingertips

"I want this too Lauren" she whispered as she pulled away "Whatever this is"

I smiled, thinking about the talk with Nikki and how passionate I was about protecting her. Nothing would stop me from keeping her safe, keeping her happy. In a way I wanted to thank my father for showing me how much I really cared, I hated growing soft but Camila broke through, those tall walls in my heart crumbling like pastry

"It feels strange not to have a label for us" I choked nervously, for the first time in a while feeling the sensation of weakness "I want to prove not to you but to myself that this isn't just a temporary experience"

Camila widened her eyes and held her breath for a few seconds "What- What are you saying?"

I glanced across at the door and quickly made sure in myself that my next words were genuine and wanted before returning to admire the girl in front "Camila, I know I can be stubborn and evasive, I get that it can be confusing and I'm aware that it's hard to manage but-

"Lauren" she interrupted, thankfully averting my rambling speech "Just ask me"

I smiled genuinely, tightening my grip on her lower back "Will you be my girlfriend?"

Instantly her face lit up into the brightest array of fireworks I had ever seen, my own elating with joy when her answering nod fell into a desperate kiss "Yes!" She bleated between pecks "I'd love to be your fucking girlfriend oh my god!"

The kiss lasted another few seconds or so before we pulled away only to smile against an awkward laugh "Wow" she hummed "I did not expect this!"

"Me either" I giggled quietly "I only came in here to dance with you?"

"Clearly it was meant to be" she hummed, looking down at her feet with an awkward lip bite I couldn't help but swoon over "What now?"

I shrugged "Movie at mine? We can just relax for once?"

"Deal!"

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