A month, after Lo'aks' overdose.
A cold a dark empty feeling.
Ironic huh?
How I was once awake, and now I'm asleep. And yet, I still feel the same.
I would rather be dead, than anything.
I can't see. Most the time I just hear people walk in and out this room.
Mostly Neteyam. Neteyam is the one person who has been with me.
Right now, I don't even know how long it has been. It feels like it has been a year.
Has it? I have no idea.
All I know is that, right now? I just want it to end.
-
3rd February 2018
The cries of my mother. I recognise her voice.
The way she speaks to me, asking that I wake up. That I come back.
She is the one person I owe an apology to, the most.
My mother must have been so confused. So scared.
She is still scared, as I hear her tell me every day, how much she wished I'd told her.
So she could prevent this.
And I wish I could tell her that it is not her fault. It was never her fault. Or anyone's.
It was my own. I let my mind mess me up completely, i chose this path. Not her.
I could not handle anything anymore. I just wished to disappear.
But it was not her fault.
I feel her hold onto my hand, as she puts in against her cheek.
I can feel it. I know, it is her cheek.
It's warm.
Wet, because of her tears.
But it was so warm. And full of love.
If only I had the chance to hug her one last time.
"I miss you. My son, please. Come home."
...
Not only was I visited by my mother today, but even Tuk and my grandmother.
My mother and Tuk have visited the most, if I am quite honest.
And every time they do, I can't help but want to tell them that.. it'll be okay. Everything will be okay.
They will be fine without me.. will they not?
I love Tuk. With my whole heart. And I know she loves me too.
She is too young to understand any of this. To understand why I just.. I just want it to stop.
My life had been falling apart and I've never been great enough. Never.
What is the use of living a life where you constantly feel as though.. you are not worth living?
I have nothing to live for.
And I hope that one day, Tuk will understand that.
"We must go now Tuk. Say goodbye to your brother" is what my nana tells her.
"Goodbye.. please wake up soon Lo'ak. I miss you" I hear her voice and I already know the face that she must be making right now.
YOU ARE READING
Desire
RomanceThe Sully's move to America, Miami, after their father had got a job offer. It is a very different lifestyle to what they had before, living in the Uk. Lo'ak has his dreams to pursue the life of art. As he starts University, he finds it hard to fit...
