Crazy: In Love With You

Chapter 56 - It's Hard

Manik was sitting on the couch as a shawl was wrapped around his body. His hands were shivering slightly due to cold he got from the rain. He looked around the apartment. It was small but best choice for a couple to live. The inner decoration was simple and he could guess there could be 2-3 rooms. Nandini walked out of the kitchen and saw him. Reluctantly she went to him and handed a hot cup of coffee.

"Thanks" he mumbled taking the cup. "you have a nice house"

"Thanks" Nandini uttered before sitting down at side with her coffee. There was a moment of silence in the room before Nandini started to speak again "why were you standing in the rain like that?"

Manik was about to take a sip of the coffee when he paused and looked at her "I wanted to talk to you"

"There's nothing to talk about. Why can't you understand this simple thing? Do you think standing in rain will get me listen to you? You have already said what you wanted, aren't you satisfied?"

Manik sighed "Whatever I said was what happened in my past. I know whatever I did hurt you in every way possible. And I was also a selfish jerk for only thinking about myself. I know no amount of sorry would make you feel good because I know my deeds were too hurtful. You don't have any fault yet I treated you in such a bad way. But I knew you will be angry, and would want to hate me. But still I went on with the plan to tell you the reason" he paused for a while "I know I didn't have any right to judge your love comparing it with others. I even thought to myself that you are different. But whenever I tried to approach to you, something would stoped me and the betrayal of the past would always hunted me like a nightmare and even if I wanted, I couldn't express my feelings to you"

Nandini stayed silent and listen to his words. There are many emotions playing in her mind. She don't know what to do? She was angry, hurt, disturbed and felt being cheated.

Manik looked at her "Nandini I know it's hard for you to forgive me and hell I won't ask for it. You have shown me what true love is. What does it meant by cared by others and what it felt like being loved by someone unconditionally. You have shown me everything yet I hurted you because of my own selfish heart. I will never force you for anything, for which you don't want. I have been regretting all these years. I promised myself that once I was able to find you, I will beg for your forgiveness and would continue to beg until you have the heart to forgive me. Even if you want me to kneel and beg I would do that. Whatever it takes I will do in a heartbeat"

Nandini turned to look at him. She could see the sincerity of his words in his eyes. He was looking at her with longing, pleading and also with a slight hope. She observed his expression for a moment.

"Do you think just because you said you have regretted what you did and would want to beg for forgiveness will change everything that already happened?" She shook her head "whatever happened as had already gone with time. You and me we both know it well. We can't get back to time and change what happened. Do you know thinking about the past me, I think of myself a real fool. I chased the man who never had any feelings for me. I chased the man who never knew how to return my emotions. I was crazy after the man who was drowning in his past?"

"Nandini you can say that because it's true. But people do maje mistakes and they learn from it. Can you please give me a second chance to rectify my deeds?" He pleaded.

"Was your deeds are mistake?" She asked and he felt shattered insude. Nandini turned her to other side hiding her tears "you have already hurted me so much. Do you still think I have the heart to forgive you?" She turned around and looked at him again, "tell me Manik if you were in my place then would you able to forgive me?"

He could not reply anymore but just looked at her blankly. She was right, if he were in her place would he able to forgive her? Manik wanted to answer but he didn't know what. Could he? The rain was still heavy outside and thunder roared. Nandini walked towards the window and stared out.

"I never had any interest in man. Nor I ever dated a man before. I have always put myself in clean state and never found myself being attracted towards any opposite gender. But everything changed when I first saw you. I don't know why but I went crazy. I wanted to know you, to be with you. I knew you wouldn't appreciate it but I had the hope that may be after knowing me you will also chshref your mind and love me back. You are the first person I thought I could spend my life with. But all of my thoughts shattered" her words was so painful. Manik gulped down as he heard her.

"I have tried everything to make you love me but you never gave in. You were so stubborn that you refused to see my sincerity. You did what you thought good but you forgot that I was hurting in the process. Even if you know you turned blind eye to it. You only thought about yourself Manik. When I was ready to give up everything for you, you never gave me the chance and turned away. How did you think that there will be chance for you? That I want to give you a chance while you never did?" She turned around and looked at him. There was an accusing glare in her eyes.

At this moment Manik was tongue tied. He don't know what to reply. Looking at her hurtful face he couldn't voice out his words yet felt his chest getting heavier. His voice stuck in his throat. Suddenly he remembered what his mother told him.

A hurtful heart is filled with resentment. It will refuse to see things clearly. But you can't accuse it because somehow you are the reason behind that.

He got up "I know I don't deserve it. I never deserved you after what I did. But you and I we both know what we felt inside our heart is true. There's no stain in it. There are many things we couldn't ignore. Though it is hurtful, there are also reason why we can't give up. We keep fighting because we know we can. I know I couldn't take back what I have done in the past for which I will regret my whole life.  But I still have to live with my regrets. This is why I want to  correct everything I did. I am just asking for a chance. A chance to show you that I have changed for good"

Nandini stood there looking at him. She wanted to believe him. She really wanted to do that. But her mind was screaming to refuse. It couldn't believe what he said, it has no faith in him. She was in trouble, she couldn't decided what should be done. She sighed.

"It's already late. You can't leave since it was raining heavily outside. There's another room which you can use. Help yourself" she said and turned around before leaving him there and walked inside her room.

Manik stood there looking at the closed door. He couldn't help but feel helpless. He don't know what he could do to make her feel comfortable around him.

"You are a bastard Manik" he uttered to himself then the room fell in silence. Only the sound of thunder echoed in the sky followed by rain.