Rogues

Chapter XL

- Caleb -

Nathan... I sigh internally looking at the collar's pendant he gave me. Staring at the crescent moon and the howling wolf closely brings back so many memories. When we first met: – Hey, I'm Nate. I guess we are partners. –, at the football game – You came. –, our first kiss in the locker room – I've been wanting to do that all night long. – I remember his voice, his touch, his smell so vividly. My eyes begin watering, fucking mate bond. I can feel my heart tighten as I imagine a life without him. I've been trying to convince myself that I'm doing the right thing; that staying here is the best for both of us, that I'm not the mate he needs. We can't have children, and I'm a rogue, his pack will never accept me. I sigh deeply, laying down the necklace on the kitchen table. Maybe in another life... I just hope he can forgive me.

I can't leave my pack; I tell myself for the hundredth time. Yesterday, I went to sleep in my bedroom with Josh and Ally, I woke up to find Jamie sleeping tightly next to us as well. She'll never admit it, but I know she enjoys sleeping altogether, but we haven't spent much time together since I was named Beta in Command. Don't get me started on Josh and Ally, they are so young and look up to me. What would happen to them if I left? Fuck! I have a million reasons to stay, but I only care about one to leave: Nathan.

- Hey. – my father's voice breaks the silence, snapping my thoughts.

- Hey... – I respond, looking away.

- We should probably talk about what happened. – my father speaks, trying to hide his nerves by sounding confident.

- I don't think I'm in the mood for that, Dad. – I respond tiredly.

- Caleb, I need you to know that... –

- That you care so deeply for me, that you did everything in my best interest, that you were just upset yesterday, and you didn't mean what you said. – I interrupt calmly. – I know, Dad. –

- I'm sort... –

- I don't want to talk about it, I just want to rest right now. – I say honestly.

- I understand. – he says dismally.

We sit next to each other in silence. I don't know how to act; I don't know if I'm angry, upset, sad, hurt, and, frankly, I don't care right now, I just want to sit quietly and clear my head. My dad's breathing starts getting heavier, and his heart rate slightly increases.

- It's time, isn't it? – I wonder.

- Yeah... – he responds lowly. – Mary is in the kitchen, you should go talk with her, I'll go wake the kids up. – he says warmly.

We stand up and look at each other. It's a weird interchange. I don't know how really to feel and act around him anymore. It's awkward. At last, I head to the kitchen while my father goes to the stairs.

- Mary. – I say, entering the kitchen. Her face turns to me, with sad crystal eyes.

- Cal, hey. – she says wiping her nose.

- Please don't cry or you'll make me cry too. – I say, making her chuckle.

She walked over to me and hugged me tightly. I accept the warm embrace. I never noticed she's just as tall as Maya. I wave of sadness washes through my body. I'm not allowed to see anyone else besides my family. Not that anyone would come even if they could. Luke just became the future Gamma; it would be bad for him to be seen with me in these moments. Maya will support his brother. Perhaps Riley but the elites won't let her pass. All my friends can't come to see me before the biggest fight of my life, just... great.