Fan Service [Chan]

Chapter 20

I want you to want more.

He'd actually just said that.

A month ago, even imagining that I would hear Chan say those words to me would've sent me into cardiac arrest. Now, I knew him. His cheeks and ears were red...he was nervous. Butterflies flurried around in my stomach as I tried to figure out how to respond...tried to figure out what I wanted.

Did I want that with Chan? I had only just begun to see glimpses of kindness from him. Before that, he'd been so cold and cruel, though I now know there was more to the story.

"I want to want more," I told him. A true statement if there ever was one. I didn't know him well enough yet to know for sure what I wanted, but I was willing to try.

My answer seemed to satisfy him though. "When you know what you want, you know where to find me."

It would've been a cool move to whisper that to me in the confinement of his bunk and leave me with my thoughts.

Instead, Chan inched closer. His broad shoulders were silhouetted by the dim overhead light. He held my hands in his, and he gently stroked the backs of them with his thumbs which caused goosebumps on my arms. I felt like I had on the elevator before I'd run away.

His face was a mere few inches from mine and my heart pounded as my breathing alternated between hyperventilating and forgetting to inhale at all.

"How do you feel? Being in here with me?"

It wasn't a question I had expected. But the response was instinctive, "Safe."

It wasn't the sexiest of answers, but that mattered more to me than anything.

"Good," he whispered. He looked down and watched our hands.

"How do you feel?" I repeated.

"Like I should probably leave the bunk before I try to kiss you," he confessed but made no attempts to move.

He bit his lip and looked at me carefully as though he were trying to see how I would respond if he tried.

"That would be smart the smart thing to do," I told him, also remaining unequivocally still. The world around us felt frozen. The conversations the others were having in the main cabin faded away. It was as if Chan and I were the only two people in the world and nothing beyond the bunk's curtain existed at all.

"Do you think I'm smart?" he grinned as he moved forward ever so slightly.

"No," I joked. "Not at all."

Chan chuckled and looked at my lips as he leaned even closer.

"What about you? Are you smart?"

I knew it would be messy to involve myself with Chan. Fake dating him and the backlash I'd received was hard enough. The schedule...the outfits I'd eventually have to wear...the comments...it was a lot. And yet...