Fan Service [Chan]

Chapter 43

It had been a couple of weeks since I'd been with Chan. He hadn't texted. He hadn't called. I hadn't heard from any of them at all.

When their songs came on, I skipped them. Their albums collected dust on my shelf as I'd refused to play them.

I avoided social media speculations. Someone had even started a rumor that I'd died in Florida. Part of me wished I had.

Every now and then, I would see updates on my For You Page or Twitter timeline about where they were or about how sad Chan looked. I tried my best to avoid it. Most of the comments blamed me in some way, whether because my death was too much for him or because I'd cheated and broken his heart. I considered telling them that he had ended things but decided against it. The hypothesizing would die down soon enough.

I did wonder how the fan service was going, and if they'd managed to stop it. Han must've been so upset when I couldn't help them in Orlando. If I had his number I'd ask him directly, but I didn't dare message Chan to find out.

There was a fan meeting today and I couldn't avoid news about it no matter how hard I tried. Chan was in an all-black sleeveless vest. Comments were obsessing over his muscles. Others noticed his bracelet was still missing and were convinced it meant we were still together.

A fan asked if he would kiss her cheek in a selfie, and he lost it on her. He shouted at her in front of everyone there, "Would you ask a random person on the street that? No! We are strangers!" The comments on this were divided with some saying he could've just said no and others arguing that she shouldn't have even asked.

"What if idols can't say no?" someone theorized. I wanted to like the comment. Tell them that they were right, but I knew I couldn't do anything.

Chan had stormed off stage mid-fan signing. I knew JYP would find a way to punish him. I felt bad for him. But, at the same time, I felt frustrated because I knew this anger had to do with me, and it would've been fine had he just let me stay.

I turned off my phone and did some work scheduling a few posts using the content I'd created over the last few days.

I wasn't enjoying work as much as I once had, though. Every day felt dull.

I went over to my nightstand and opened the top drawer. I dragged my finger over a dildo I had but picked up my vibrator instead. I hadn't played with myself since coming home, partly because I had my period at first and didn't feel like making a mess and partly because I longed for Chan instead. As numb as I felt, I figured the vibrator may help.

I turned on my TV for some non-Stray Kids-related background noise.

"This just in," the presenter announced. "The man who shot into Stray Kids's hotel room has been identified as 27-year-old Holden Johnson."