Fan Service [Chan]

Chapter 42

What's done is done.

I had barely slept as the words replayed in my mind over and over, both from Chan and the person he'd copied.

Dmitri knocked on my door early in the morning to help me take my suitcases down to the car.

Felix and Han were waiting to say goodbye. I gave them both tight hugs

"Have a safe flight," Han told me. It pained me that I wouldn't be able to help him tonight like I had promised.

"Chan is just afraid," Felix tried to justify him sending me away. But he hadn't heard what he said to me. I just nodded, too exhausted to argue or explain, and got into the car.

The drive to the airport was short. Dmitri helped me carry my bags inside to be checked, and then he nodded his head politely before heading back to the boys.

I wondered what Chan was thinking. Did he feel bad for what he'd said?

The TSA line was long and gave me plenty of time to think. I realized how ridiculous this whole journey had been. I'd been suckered into believing he gave a shit about me.

Anybody who cared wouldn't have said what he said.

What's done is done, Ella.

I had told him that story in confidence, and he had used it to hurt me.

I got through TSA and saw people struggling to wheel their carry-on bags across the airport carpet. What airport makes the floor carpeted?

I wished I had a carry-on bag to struggle with, though. It would distract me from the other situation I was trying to wrap my head around.

I went to the convenience store to buy a water and gum for my flight. I found water easily enough. I searched multiple stores, though, and wasn't able to find gum.

"Excuse me, can you help me find a store with gum?" I asked the attendant.

"We don't sell it at the airport. It sticks to the carpet," they explained and continued stocking the shelves.

I could've screamed. No Chan. No gum. No clients. No matter what it was, everything was being ripped away from me.

I ran from the store. I needed to call Mana. But she didn't answer since it was still super early in Dallas.

"Delta Flight 1224 to Boston, now boarding," the announcer called. I cursed and threw my phone into my bag.

The flight was horrible. I wondered when and how Chan would announce our breakup. I wondered if he would even need to. We hadn't been dating that long, after all. I could just fade away from the public, and they'd eventually conclude that it had ended on their own.

The flight landed, and I saw that Mana had tried to call. I also had notifications about the headlines that I'd nearly been killed. One of the guards must've leaked it.

"Stray Bullet for Stray Kids?"

The article told an entirely different story than the headline made it seem, though, about how I'd nearly died at the hands of a cold-blooded killer.

Several of my ex-clients had reached out to check-in.

I ignored them. If they weren't willing to work with me because they thought I was lying about being sexually assaulted, then they didn't deserve to work with me because I had nearly been killed.

I retrieved my bags and headed outside to take a Lyft home.

Dragging the two bags up the stairs was not fun. Eventually, I made it though. My apartment felt empty and lonely.

I'd grown used to the background noise of the 8 of them. I'd grown used to Chan being by my side.

I decided I'd take a nap since I'd hardly slept. I headed to shower off the airport germs.

As I was undressing, I realized I still had on Chan's bracelet. I nearly cried at the sight of it dangling from my wrist.

I undid it and threw it across the room. It flew under my bed.

How could he have said that to me? How could he have stood there, emotionless, and told me he felt nothing for me?

I scrubbed away at anywhere he'd touched me. If he didn't want anything to do with me, then I would be through with him, too.

Once out of the shower, I grabbed my phone which had been buzzing like crazy.

Mana had texted.

Are you alive?

Yes lol. Why wouldn't I be? I replied.

I saw the news...And then you weren't with Chan when they left for the concert.

I went to Twitter before replying. In the videos, I watched as Chan walked with his head down and spoke to nobody. He looked angry and sad.

I'm in Boston. I told her. My phone rang immediately.

"Hello?" I answered.

"You're in Boston?" she asked, shocked.

"Yes," my voice cracked, and I broke down. I told her about Chan and the argument and how he'd sent me away...what he'd said when he sent me away.

What's done is done, Ella.

"I knew I was right to hate him. That dick," she went off. "Have you heard from him?"

"No," I told her.

"Good," she said definitively. "You deserve better. Just move on with your life. You'll find someone who would never dare to say that to you."

"Thanks," I mumbled, unsure of that. It had taken me almost a decade to feel as comfortable with someone as I had once felt with Chan. He'd been able to penetrate that wall I had up for a reason. Part of me still hoped he'd just been pushing me away on purpose.

"Are you okay?" Mana asked gently.

"I think I may have loved him," I confessed to her. Once the words were out there, they felt right, they felt true. I wondered if he felt the same or if I really didn't matter to him.

"Ella..." she began.

"I'm going to go take a nap. I didn't sleep well," I told her.

"Okay," she caved, not wanting to push me. "Call me if you need me."

"Thanks," I said and hung up the phone.

I loved him.

My heart hurt, and I thought about what it would be like to have his arms around me again while I fell asleep.