Fan Service [Chan]

Chapter 22

Within seconds, someone flung open the door and Chan, who had been pushed against it, went falling to the ground. Changbin was on top of him and shouting.

"What were you doing to her?"

"Nothing!" Chan argued.

I was hyperventilating on the floor, unable to catch my breath in the midst of a panic attack. Seungmin rushed to comfort me, stepping over Chan in the process.

"Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" Seungmin asked. I shook my head.

Changbin raised a fist to, I assume, hit Chan, and I gasped for Seungmin or someone to stop him.

"Changbin, stop!" Seungmin shouted, realizing what I'd been witnessing. I was grateful but was in no position to show it.

Changbin and Chan continued arguing. Seungmin and Felix asked me if I was okay.

The others watched on in shock, unclear of what they should do or what was happening.

I pulled my knees into my chest and closed my eyes in an attempt to drown everything out. I felt scared and overwhelmed. With my eyes closed, though, I saw the scene more clearly. The bedroom, the solo cups scattered on the ground, the empty beer bottles used as decoration, the stolen street sign, the flannel bed sheets, the music and conversations right outside of the door, but too far away to help...

I gasped again, trying to get a full breath, and popped my eyes open. I pointed at Chan. Felix lifted Changbin off of him.

"Chan," I managed to breathe.

He came to my side, clearly worried.

"You're okay," he whispered as he tried to soothe me.

I looked around at everyone staring at me and shook my head. He seemed to get the clue and kicked them out. Most headed off right away but Felix, Changbin, and Seungmin hung around until Chan asked them again more sternly. They left reluctantly, and Chan closed the bathroom door so that we could be alone.

He sat beside me and put his arm around my shoulder.

"It's okay, you're okay," he repeated over and over.

Eventually, I calmed myself down enough to take a few strong breaths, and, like I almost always did after a panic attack, I cried.

I felt weak and embarrassed.

"Hey, what happened?" Chan asked. I felt horrible for how confused he must've felt. We'd only been kissing, and I couldn't even hold it together. How would I ever be able to do anything more?

"I had a panic attack," I told him.

"I know," he replied, "but why? Did I do something wrong?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Did you not feel safe? Should I have been gentler?" He was second-guessing the entire interaction. I hated that for him. Hated that he even thought he had done anything worth the response my body had.