Mafia Men II: Romano

Chapter 26

I walked into my house and shut the door. I poured myself a drink in the library and my father was sitting in the chair drinking.

"Giovanni" He said and I looked at him

"What are you doing up?" I asked downing my drink preparing for the bullshit as always

"Where have you been until 5 in the morning?" He asked

"I'm not 15 father." I said pouring another

"Were you with that woman? Angela is it?" He asked and I tried to act unfazed but how did he find out her name

"I don't know who you're talking about" I said about to walk out

"You've never been a good liar." He said

"I've been a great liar. I was raised by one" I said pissed

"Watch yourself" He said angrily

"What happened to my mother?" I asked him the question that I never had the guts to ask him

A hint of emotion flickered in his eyes. He didn't know what to say.

"Yeah I figured" I said walking out and going up the steps but he followed me

"That night I found out she tried to take you away from me.." He started

"You mean from the business" I said turning around and looking at him

"From me." He said "I loved her and you Giovanni, despite what you think. I tried to get her to stay. She didn't want to. Your mother battled depression. It hurt her to leave you and I tried to keep her here just until I sorted everything out. She hated what this business was...I left out one day for meetings and came back. When I did.."

It looked like he was fighting his tears and my jaw clenched.
"She had killed herself." He said and I fell back on the steps catching myself and sitting on one.

Part of me knew she was dead, but to hear it from him, killed me. Part of me hoped she'd come walking in my door one day to tell me that my monster of a father had her locked away in the basement and she had escaped and came back for me. Him saying she disappeared was much better to cope with. Tears blurred my vision.

"You were young. I couldn't tell you that." He said in a shaky voice "If I hadn't left..I had stayed with her. She'd be here."

I saw the regret in his eyes and he held a hand in his pocket and looked at me. His jaw clenched. He already blamed himself. This was his mess to live with.

"She left a note." He said pulling out his wallet and taking a paper out. He handed it to me and I took it. I unfolded it with shaky hands. It read:

My loves,

I'm sorry. Words cannot explain the fight that I've been enduring. I know this will be as hard for you as hard as it was for me. You two are my favorite people in the world. Leaving you behind will forever be another thing in my heart that I regret.

Dominic, I know the kind of person you are. Do not blame yourself. It was bound to happen. You knew that. You put together my shattered heart so many times that I thought you had fixed it. It was irreparable, but you made it seem whole. I will forever be grateful for you, your love, our love, our boy, our beautiful boy. I love you so much, but I don't deserve your love. I never did. You swooped in at the perfect time and maybe once or twice I thought I'd be good enough for you, but look at me now, giving up. I knew I wasn't and I'm not, but you never made me feel like I wasn't. Don't hold onto this pain. Please be strong for Giovanni. Don't show him this until he's ready. I cannot even imagine the pain that this will cause him. I am not dead. I am always with him. I will simply disappear because I cannot mess him up like my mother did me. I can't do that to him.

Giovanni, my sweet baby boy. You probably won't understand this. You will never understand this and I hope you don't. It will be easier if you hate me for it all. I love you. Don't ever doubt my love for you. I'm doing this because I didn't love myself. I can't love myself. I will forever be with you and so proud of the man you will become. A man who will love a woman just as beautiful as him on the inside. The way your father loved me. It hurts so badly Giovanni. The idea of me not being able to see you ever again, watch you get married, having kids of your own. I'm so sorry but please know that I am so proud of you. You are everything to me. You are perfect. Please don't worry about me because I have found peace in this moment. Absolute peace from the madness that resides in my own mind. For the first time I can say I'm happy. Its bittersweet. Don't hold onto this pain please.

I love you both to the moon and back, but I need to join the stars. This was the only way. Love each other as much as I love you both.

Sincerely and with love,
Sam

I sat there as the tears ran down my face and I looked up at him.

"I read it everyday." He said downing his drink. "She loved you to the ends of the earth but I couldn't show you this. I couldn't break your heart like this. I couldn't see this look on your face. So I lied. I said she disappeared because it was easier than that. Nothing is harder than reading that."

My jaw clenched and I wiped my tears.
"Here" I said handing it to him

"Keep it. It's yours. She would want you to have it." He said "It's a piece of her. No matter how shitty it makes you feel just like love. That's what love does to you Giovanni. It's the enemy."

He walked off and went back into the library. I never seen that side of him before. Was this why he turned cold after she died? The day he said she disappeared, I never seen him so angry. I looked at the paper in my hand and ran my fingers along her handwriting. It was a piece of her. I missed her so much. I didn't know what she was fighting but I wish I could've fought with her, protected her from all that came at her. I love you Samantha Romano. To the moon and back.