𝐉𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐎𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐚 // 𝙸𝙼𝙰𝙶𝙸𝙽𝙴𝚂

' I'm here '

— AUTISTIC Y/N !!! —
TW:: PANIC ATTACK (described in "graphic" details)

y/n's pov ::

I smiled at Jenna, my girlfriend, as I saw her approach my house through my kitchen window. She wore a coat with a short skirt and an oversized blouse underneath which made my heart skip a beat. She was absolutely gorgeous.

Jenna's been quite busy with her work, she's in a new movie, Beetlejuice two, which means that she was in another country on set. I've actually missed her a lot, even though we've made sure to facetime at least one hour a day. And she knows that I've missed her, partly since I told her so during every single call but also because I've been posting about her non-stop on instagram. Her inbox is very surely broken at this point.

A tiny hand waving at me broke me free from my thoughts as Jenna was now standing on my porch, waiting for me to let her in. We weren't staying at mines though, actually, we were going to our first concert together. A Lana Del Rey concert. Of course, Jenna knows that Lana is my absolute favourite artist and she got me tickets in the same minute that they got released. It was an early birthday present. But honestly, I was more happy about some quality time with Jenna than about seeing Lana (even though seeing Lana has been my dream for YEARS).

I hurried to the door and opened it, smiling widely as I saw Jenna face to face, without anything in between us. The taste of Jenna's lips on mine almost sent me to another dimension as I could feel her hands on my hips, bringing me closer. I slowly put my hands around her neck and pulled her with me into the house.

"We have to go, love. The concert, it-"
A giggle interrupted her words when I picked her up and spinned her around. Then I kissed her again.

"I've missed you SO much!!"
I exclaimed, and she immediately pulled me into a hug.

"I know, I missed you too."
She whispered into my ear, before pulling a string of hair out of my face.
"You look stunning, baby."

I blushed at her compliment, before kissing her forehead.
"Not as stunning as you. Let's get going now. As you wanted."
I grinned, and put my shoes on. We were actually taking the bus to the concert, for the first time in five years.

I shivered when I thought about it. The tiny space, the different smells and voices of strangers all around me.. it stressed me out. This is exactly why I avoid big crowds of people, and tight spaces. I can't handle it.

"Hey, y/n!! You were zooning out. Is everything all right?"
Jenna grabbed my hand as we walked along the street to the bus stop. I hadn't even realised that we had left the house.
"Are you anxious over the bus ride?"

I swallowed as I noticed the bus stop growing closer and closer to us, and nodded silently. I couldn't say anything. Words weren't forming.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

The difficulty of forming words slowly turned into the feeling of not being able to breathe. I tried to gather all of the oxygen around me in a big gasp, but nothing came in. And I couldn't get anything out either. As soon as we got to the bus stop, I sunk down on the bench with a concerned Jenna next to me. I put my hand on her thigh for support while I tried to slowly breathe in and out to get my ability to breathe back. But it didn't work, and soon I was panting in panic.

You have to breathe, y/n, or else you'll die!! Have you learnt nothing from the past? You have to BREATHE.

My head begun to spin as tears formed in my eyes. Jenna's comforting voice became a blur as I tried not to puke. I could see the tight space on a bus flash before my eyes and a squal left my mouth. Someone's hand reached around my neck and forced my head onto their shoulder. My chest kept on tightenning. I grasped onto my jacket over my chest to do something about it, but nothing got better. Tears streamed down my cheeks in panic as I suddenly remembered Jenna. Was she still next to me?

I tried to look around while repeating her name, still gasping for air. It felt like an eternity passed by, an eternity of exclaiming my girlfriends name without any replies. She must've left. I broke down completely, hiding my face in my hands. I made one last try to reach her.

"Jenna?"
I whimpered, weak and gloomy. And suddenly, I heard a familiar voice.

"I'm here, baby. Look at me, please!!"
I looked up and removed my hands from my face. And there she was. I still couldn't catch my breath but she threw me back into reality. I rested my head onto her shoulder, gasping for the air that I so desperately needed.

"Hey, y/n, listen."
She put her hand over my chest and stroke my cheek with her other.
"Lift my hand with your breaths."

I tried to do as she told me to, but I just couldn't. I kept on choking on the air that couldn't pass the throat.

"No, no, after me please."
She made me face her with the hand that were stroking my cheek, and took a deep breath herself. I slowly begun to follow her movements. The sight of her chest rising and sinking calmed me down a bit as I could feel a small bit of oxygen reaching my lungs.
"Slowly, y/n."

I slowed down my breaths even more.

"Good job."
My breath begun to even out, and I threw a thankful gaze to Jenna who just smiled warmly.
"Keep breathing, baby."

And I did. As soon as my breath had evened out completely, I bursted into tears and threw myself into Jenna's arms. She caressed my back and whispered reassuring words into my ear.
"Relax, my love."

"I am so so sorry.. you shouldn't have, I shouldn't have..-"
She hushed me, and kissed my cheek.

"Shush. Do not end that sentence. I am here for you and I always will be. Just like you're always there for me."
She brought me into her arms again, as if I was her baby, and stroke me by the hair. I didn't have any words left, but they weren't neccessary. Our love to eachother have a different language. A language that no words can form.

REQUESTED BY::
Evie57147

thank you for your request!!!! <3
loveu!