What Hurts The Most (August Alsina)

7

Raigen

There’s an important difference between giving up and letting go. Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it. Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.

Letting August go was a hard decision, but I couldn't keep doing this to myself. I was tired of being a secret, and always being thrown to the background. I gave my all in our relationship but was constantly rewarded with nothing but heartbreak. Overall I just felt bad. I did want to be with him but I couldn't do another three months of his shit. I understand him having to talk to his team about it, but their the reason why we're even in this situation now. Maybe we just weren't meant to be in a relationship. It was really time to let go and move on. 

I walked into my parents house the next afternoon still a little down about everything, and just needed my moms advice. My parents relationship was once similar to August and I. When her and my dad started dating they snuck around a lot too.

"Ma!" I called out shutting and locking the door behind me.

"I'm in the kitchen Rai." I slipped off my sandals and made my way towards the kitchen. Whatever she was cooking smelled really good and I hope she made a lot so I could stay and eat. Once I walked in the kitchen she was standing at the counter cutting up vegetables.

"You know dad isn't gonna eat those."

"He has no choice, his doctor told him he needs to lose at least twenty pounds within the next six months."

I laughed a little and sat down in the bar stool in front of her. "Well I hope that goes well."

"Yeah me too, so what's up why you look so sad?" I furrowed my eyebrows and tilted my head a little because I didn't look sad. I mean I was sad but I didn't let it show and her picking my mood up shocked me just a little. Mother's really do know everything I see.

"I'm not sad" I lied playing with the bracelet around my wrist August gave me for my birthday.

"Don't lie to me Raigen Breauna Ruiz." She straight faced me pointing the knife she was cutting with in my face. 

"Dang ma" I pushed her hand away from my face. "It's just this stuff with Aug that's all." I explained.

"What he do now?"

"He asked me to wait another three months for our relationship to go public."

"And what did you say?"

"I said no, I couldn't do it. I've been doing this for a whole year and a half now and three more months to him can turn into another year." I sighed resting my face in my hands.

"And did you explain that to him?" She questioned dumping the vegetables into the skillet.

"I did, but you know how he is though he listens but then he doesn't. So I don't know what he's gonna do honestly."

"It's not wrong that you don't wanna continue because me and your dad kinda went through the same thing in our relationship for a while. We hid our relationship from both our families because they didn't approve. I know your situation is different but I know how it feels to be a secret and so does your dad. We felt bad we couldn't openly be together and I never wanted you or Paige to have that feeling of having to please others before yourself. So if leaving him alone is what you wanna do then do it baby and if you think he's foreal about the three months then you do that too. I can't make the decision for you since you already chose not to wait any longer but I'm here whenever you need me."