What Hurts The Most (August Alsina)

41

August

When I got into the room, Raigen was already laid out in the bed sleepin'. I only stepped out for 'bout a couple minutes just to go grab her milkshake from the lil old school drive in joint that we used to always go to. She been craving one all morning so I figured I'd go grab her one real fast just to hopefully lift her spirits.

Instead of waking her up I walked back down the steps and inta the kitchen to put her shake in the freezer. After I closed it my phone went off wit' a text message in my pocket so I pulled it out real fast to check it, but before a nigga could get a good look at it, I heard a hoarse ass voice speak up.

"What are you doing?" When I looked up, sure enough it was Rai just standing there.

Her eyes were blood shot red and she was gently rubbing her arms like she was cold. "Hey ma, I was just puttin' yo shake in the freezer, I thought you were sleepin'."

"I was, but Paige called and woke me up."

"Oh."

She just looked at the ground for a long while and then came and walked over to me and into the freezer go grab her shake. Once she did she went right over to the bar chairs and sat down and started to drink it while I just watched all of her movements. I've been finding myself doin' that a whole lot lately; just watching.

Recently it's been hell in this house and im sho' it's been hell in Rai's mind. Since the incident wit' Paige showin' up to the crib all banged up and shit, and tellin' Rai that the accident was meant for her, she ain't been right. Like of course she been depressed since her mama passed but this shit, this shit was the icing on the damn cake. This shit done sent her over the edge and she just ain't been herself these last couple of days. She constantly beating herself up about it and sayin' how its her fault over and over and damn do I wish I could stop her, I wish I could stop these fucking thoughts she been havin' because I'm literally watchin' the love of my life die a little bit inside every damn day and it's killin' me too.

I watched her sip her shake some more and then decided to speak up. "So you wanna go shop for some clothes for Auburn? I know you been ready to go shoppin' ever since you figured out you was gone have a mini me."

It took her a lil second to respond but she nodded and then slowly lifted her head to look at me. "Yea that sounds fine."

"Alright, so you trynna leave right nah?"

"Yea we can, just let me put on some actual pants right quick."

"Aight I gotta make a call right quick so I'll be down here waitin' on you."

"Okay." She mumbled before gettin' out her seat and takin' her cup wit' her as she left out and went upstairs.

I swea' things just ain't been right, and I hate it. I thought I hated how she acted after her mama passed but this was way worse, this some shit I'm not sure if I can change.

Instead of thankin' more about all this horrible shit that's been going on instead I unlocked my phone and went back to the text I had gotten earlier. It was from the wedding planner I been talkin' to lately. It's a bit of a surprise for Rai in a way just because I want to lift her spirits and get her mind off of things. Iont know if it's gonna work but I know it might help something, so I wanna try and I do wanna get things going on this wedding, the sooner I got that girl on lock officially will be the second greatest day of my life after she bring my lil girl in the world.

I started to read the new text the lady sent back at the same time that Rai came back in the kitchen. "I'm ready."

I looked her over and smiled at how beautiful she is. She's so gorgeous and even though that glow she usually got in her eyes ain't there she still the most beautiful woman to me.