What Hurts The Most (August Alsina)

43

August

My throat stayed dry and my eyes felt like they'd never stop drippin' tears and my heart felt like it wasn't even thea' anymore. All in all I'm startin' to feel empty as the hours tick past, as I sit hea' in this hard ass chair listenin' to these doctors tell families that they loved ones gone be straight, but errbody lookin' at me and mines wit' these sad ass expressions. I've been sittin' here so empty and damn near useless, it don't make any sense. 

Afta I realized Rai was stabbed I tried my hardest to apply pressure to her back and tried my hardest to just keep talkin' to her so she wouldn't fade away from me, so I wouldn't lose her. I have to say, my baby did her best, she tried to talk to me she tried to hang on but she was goin' in and out of consciousness and straight up passed out jus' minutes before the ambulance arrived. When they did they rushed her and I off to the hospital and took her straight to the back to begin surgery. Now we've jus  been waitin' for the word to know if she gone be straight.

Emotions ran high when Rai's daddy got hea' though, I ain't never seen a man so damn distraught in my life and it fucked wit' my mind to tell him his daughter had been stabbed. Fucked with my mind hard and it fucked with my heart even worse. 

"Raigen Ruiz!" A doctor called out as he stepped out from one of the back rooms. 

We all got up and came to circle around him but he only asked that he speak with Mr. Ruiz and him only. The quickness that my heart beat picked up let me know there was still something of my heart left but it's been hanging on by a thread and this doctor was makin' it no better. Whatever he had to say couldn't be good if he only wanted to speak to Mr. Ruiz alone. It couldn't be good at all but I said a quick prayer jus' askin' for it to be okay; askin' for the woman that's changed my life and the child that was goin' to change the both of ours, to be okay. 

I walked over to the statue of Jesus hanging up on the wall, and wit' my hands clasped in front of me and eyes closed, I spoke to the only man that could help this situation. "Jesus I come to you now to ask that you save them for me. Don't let me lose them dear lord. Don't-- don't take the best people in my life, please." 

"Save my sister and my niece dear lord. Save them for all of us." Paige chimed in. 

I opened my eyes and looked at her as she wiped under her eyes and then looked over at me. She put her arm around my waist and leaned into me. I put my arm around her shoulder and squeezed her into my side jus' needing to be comforted and knowin' she need to be just as much as me or even more. 

We both squeezed one another before we heard a loud 'No' be let out that echoed throughout the whole waitin' area. We both turned around to find Mr. Ruiz on his knees on the ground cryin'. Paige took off towards her father first and the I followed racing over to see what the hell was going on. 

I looked from Mr. Ruiz to the doctor who had a sorrowful expression. "What, what's wrong, what's goin' on? Are they okay?" 

"Um, we were able to save your daughter." He explain to me, makin' me let out a slight breath of relief. "She'll be in the Neonatal unit for a few weeks to some months due to how early she was born, but she's alive and our nurses are with her right now." 

"Aight and what 'bout my fiancée? How is she?" 

"Mr. Alsina, I'm sorry to inform you, but Raigen didn't make it." 

Right then, right there was when my world came crashin' down around me and somethin' inside me if not all of me died. 

Omniscient

"August the cars are here." Chandra knocked on the bedroom door where August had been hiding at all morning. She waited around for a little while longer to see of he would come out but it didn't happen. She thought about just walking into the room but right when her hand touched the door knob it swung open revealing August in almost a zombie like state.