This Could Be Us (Swae Lee)

Chp.30

I looked back up at Swae and brought him in for a hug. His arms rested safely around my waist as I just layed my head into his chest. I didn't have answer to that question. It just hadn't been the right time to ask, no matter how badly I wanted to say yes, I still had that nag at me that said No.

"I understand Omunique." Swae said in a manner that sent chills down my spine. He said it with such disappointment and hurt.

My arms kept safely around him, my head remained in his chest. People passed us their eyes wide, all up in our business but I didn't care.

"I'm sorry Khalif its just-"

Swae cut me off "You dont trust me."

No matter how much I wanted to say I did trust him I couldn't let it leave my mouth. The truth was that I didn't. "Im sorry."

He pulled away from me "Its Okay Omunique."

Him and I went to our separate places in the car and after that it was a silent ride all of the way until the moment I arrived in the drive way of my house.

As I exited the car I decided I wanted to take a short walk. It was a beautiful night and I was undecided with myself at the moment, I needed a little more fresh air.

Once Khalif saw I wasnt heading inside he rushed out of the car and caught up to me.
"Where are you going?" He asked in a quiet mannered tone.

I shrugged "I'm just walking."

Swae grabbed my hand pulling me back towards my house "It's to late to be walking around out here by yourself."

I shook my head in a understanding manner "Thats why I want you to walk with me."

Swae just nodded his head and let go of my hand. But as we started walking I grabbed his and intertwined my fingers.

I glanced up at the sky and watched the beautiful night pass over. The moon shown brightly and the few stars that I could see glowed.

Before I even knew it my cheeks were wet and I hadn't even known until I felt a finger swipe across my face. "What's wrong?"
Khalif asked.

A stressed shrug left my shoulders "Everything."

We were approaching a small park so Swae dragged me to it and sat us down at a bench. Curiosity filled his eyes "Please explain?"

A small wearily smile flashed my lips as they parted so that I could tell him my struggles "I'm tired of everything, I'm tired of worrying about waking up and my mother not being here anymore, I'm tired of feeling so disgusted with my weight, I'm tried of feeling so pressed by the public and by media, I'm tired of not being able to give you what you want which is me. I'm just ti..tired of being tired." I gritted my teeth to keep tears back.

But Swae pulled me into him so I could let out my tears. Which I did I let them spill over my eye lids as he rubbed my back.
"Omunique, your tired but look at everything you said, it's you doing this to yourself. Your mother has accepted the fact that she may pass and she is okay with it but who isn't? You. Your finally gaining weight back, but who still thinks that they are toothpick skinny? You. The media and press harass you yet who lets it happen? You." Then Khalif paused rubbing my back and speaking so I lifted my head up to look at him.

"And I will always be right here no matter what. You are my girl no matter what you say, but you dont want to give me the chance to proove that I've changed, and guess for who I've changed for? You. Your the only person that restricts yourself."

Tears continued to fall from my eyes. My eyes now puffy and my face red. Swae rubbed his thumbs across my cheeks wiping the tears away.

"Nique you just need to come at peace with yourself. And holding all of this in and guarding youself up isnt the way to do it."