Regina & Erin
Regina: If you're such a bold person, why won't you pick up the phone when I call?
Erin: Because I don't need you yelling in my ear like some banshee.
Regina: Little girl...you're are so lucky my mother hid you.
Erin: Whatever you say, crone.
Regina: The Lord is testing me right now.
Erin: What do you want?
Regina: To know why you were with my son doing...
Erin: You mean making out?
Regina: It damn sure looked like a lot more than that!
Erin: Trust me, it wasn't. Calm your saggy tits.
Cora: DAAAAAMN! Erin: 2 Regina: 0
Regina: I'll have you know my tits are perfectly perky. Though I can't say the same for my mother. And trust me dear, things wear and tear as you get older. Just wait.
Erin: Doesn't matter. I'll have Henry by my side and he'll love me no matter what.
Cora: EXCUSE YOU?!
Regina: Hahaha! You believe that?
Erin: We're in love.
Cora: MY TITS ARE NOT SAGGY. RUDE.
Regina: No you're not. And as of today, if I catch you within 50 feet of Henry, I'll roast your little ass and feed you to Maleficent. She has a taste for insolent little girls.
Erin: You can't do that!!
Cora: I'm really hurt. Like...are my breasts really sagging?
Regina: It's already done. Have a nice day. Mother, I'll see you at home.
Robin & Marian
Robin: How are you?
Marian: Robin? I'm good and you?
Robin: I'm okay. I was wondering if we could talk about Roland.
Marian: Sure. I have no problem with that.
Robin: How is he?
Marian: Good. He misses you.
Robin: I miss him too. I'm still working on a way back into town. This wall Cora put up is really thick.
Marian: Don't hurt yourself, Robin. Hold on, Roland wants to talk to you.
Robin: I won't. Alright.
Marian: Papa!
Robin: My boy! Papa misses you.
Marian: I miss you too! I want to practice shooting with you.
Robin: You will, son. Soon, I promise. Give your mother back the phone now. I love you Roland.
Marian: I love you too, papa.
Robin: You wouldn't mind if we spent father/son time together, would you?
Marian: Of course not. You're his father and you did a wonderful job raising him in my absence. I would never take that from you. Ever.
Robin: Thank you. And I'm sorry for everything.
Marian: You don't have to keep apologizing. There are no hard feelings, I promise. Now focus on getting inside so you can spend some quality time with this little monkey of ours.
Robin: Already on it, m'lady.
Ursula & Hook
Ursula: Pirate!
Hook: Sea Witch!
Ursula: Don't test my patience.
Hook: Hell, I thought we were calling out what we are.
Ursula: Anyway. I need some assistance and unfortunately, you're the only one that can help me.
Hook: Aye? And what would you need my help with?
Ursula: I'm looking for a special pearl but only a top notch ship can get me to the type of water it's located in.
Hook: I guess that's where the Jolly Roger comes in?
Ursula: You guessed correctly.
Hook: And what do I get out of all this?
Ursula: You get to keep your other hand...
Hook: Nice offer but I was thinking something along the lines of rum. Or at least money for rum.
Ursula: ...Fine. I'll get you five bottles of rum.
Hook: FIVE?! Bloody hell! Let's leave now!
Ursula: You really should stop drinking so much.
Hook: Only when you stop pearl diving...it you know what I mean.
Ursula: I have absolutely no words. How have you lived this long without a woman cutting out your tongue?
Hook: Dashing good looks?
Ursula: I just snorted. Be ready to leave in an hour.
Hook: I am a beautiful man and you all know it!
Unknown Number & Cora
UN: Well well well. We chat again.
Cora: So have we made anymore progress with the plan?
UN: I've recruited a little more help. They'll be arriving to Storybrooke soon.
Cora: How soon?!
UN: Don't rush my work old lady!
Cora: Listen your little shit, I'm going to start calling you Peeping Tom since you like spying on people. Perv.
UN: I AM NOT A PEEPING TOM! Just be patient. Shit.
Cora: At least tell me who the hell I'm supposed to be looking for. Because there's a big ass wall keeping out outsiders.
UN: That's going to have to temporarily come down.
Cora: You're starting to work my nerves.
UN: You've BEEN working mine. Just take it down when I tell you and then you can put it right back up.
Cora: Fine. But if any unwanted guests get inside, they are your responsibility.
UN: Ugh. You need to make sure that Lily really is your granddaughter.
Cora: And how in the hell am I supposed to do that?
UN: I know you didn't just ask me that dumbass question. Even if there weren't modern day DNA tests, you still have magic. USE IT.
Cora: I really don't like your ass. I promise I don't.
UN: Yeah whatever. Have fun talking to Rumple.
Cora: You and him suck donkey dick.
UN: Learned how from you.
Cora: Choke on air.
