Zelena & Cora
⠀
Zelena: Mother!
Cora: Aw hell. How did you get my number?!
Zelena: That's not important. We need to talk.
Cora: Uh, it is important since it's my number. And about what?
Zelena: Me. Us. Our past.
Cora: Zelena....I gave you up. There is no past to speak of.
Zelena: At least tell me who my father is.
Cora: I can't.
Zelena: Why?
Cora: Don't know who he is.
Zelena: ..........
Cora: I told you that we shouldn't speak of the past.
Zelena: Still, I will make you love me.
Cora: HA! HAHA! HAHAHA! I finally have my heart back and barely love Regina's sassy ass. What makes you think that I'll love you and I gave you away soon after you were born?
Zelena: You just wait and see! You will love me! And it'll be more than you love that brat of a sister I have.
Cora: That'll be the day when pigs fly.
Zelena: Then get ready for bacon to fall from the sky.
Henry & Neal
⠀
Henry: Dad?
Neal: Yeah buddy?
Henry: I need your help.
Neal: What's wrong?
Henry: I'm frozen...
Neal: Frozen? LET IT GOOOOO CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMOOOOREE!
Henry: DAD! NOT THAT FROZEN. I'm literally frozen, I can't move!
Neal: Then how are you texting me?
Henry: Someone else is doing it for me...
Neal: Then why can't they help you?
Henry: Because she doesn't have magic.
Neal: Oooo, does Hen Hen have a girlfriend? And is that the reason you're frozen?
Henry: I'm not going to answer that question for multiple reasons. And yes, mom came home and saw her and froze me and told me to think about what I did.
Neal: Your mom as in Regina right?
Henry: Yes.
Neal: Can't help you.
Henry: Wha?! WHY?!
Neal: YOUR MOTHER IS SCARY! Hell both of them are but Regina scares me more.
Henry: Dad....grow a pair.
Neal: If I didn't have a pair you wouldn't be here.
Henry: Uhm, Henry is throwing up. I better let his mom know. Nice talking to you.
Neal: Oh he'll be okay. Nice chatting with you too! Can't wait to meet you.
Regina & Emma
⠀
Regina: EMMA!
Emma: The hell? What is it Regina?
Regina: I caught Henry kissing some girl in my living room!
Emma: Damn, didn't know the kid had it in him.
Regina: Excuse me?!
Emma: What I meant was, really? That just doesn't seem like him at all. What did you do?
Regina: I froze him.
Emma: Like ice frozen or he just can't move?
Regina: He just can't move.
Emma: Are you with him now?
Regina: No I left.
Emma: Did you make the girl go home?
Regina: ....SHIT!
Emma: WAIT!
Regina: WHAT?!
Emma: Who is she?
Regina: I DON'T KNOW WHO THE LITTLE BRAT IS BUT SHE'LL BE A PILE OF DUST WHEN I AM THROUGH!
Emma: Regina you can't go threatening other people's kids.
Regina: Watch me!
Cora: YOU LEAVE LITTLE ERIN ALONE!
Emma: I should've know you had something to do with this Cora.
Regina: YOU set them up?!
Cora: Indeed I did. At least ONE of my offspring decided to listen to my dating advice!
Emma: Cora your advice got Henry in trouble. He was kissing Erin and Regina walked in on them.
Cora: My grandson's a playa, can't get mad at him for having game.
Emma: TRUE! That's my boy!
Regina: EXCUSE ME!!!
Cora: Yes Madame Sass?
Regina: Are you two forgetting that Henry is just 13 and there are girls who get pregnant at 12 and 13?
Emma: .......FREEZE HIM UNTIL HE IS 30!
Cora: Oh shit. Well IT'S YOUR JOB TO MAKE SURE THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN!
Regina: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM DOING?!
Emma: I'm just going to go watch Adventure Time and eat cookies. Let me know how everything turns out.
Cora: Got you blondie. Queen Sassy, you do whatever you have to with Henry but do not touch Erin because she is the granddaughter of my special friend and if you ruin that relationship for me I will turn all your apples green and make Zelena babysit you.
Regina: .....You have thirty minutes to get that fast tail ass little girl out of my house.
Cora: Love you too dear.
Hook & Neal
⠀
Hook: Mate!
Neal: What's up Hookie?
Hook: Yeah, only women can call me that. And meet me at Granny's right now!
Neal: What's going on?!
Hook: Cora has called an emergency meeting. It's about to be a fight.
Neal: Oh shit, who is fighting?
Hook: She didn't say. She just said all members of the S.S. SwanQueen needed to be at Granny's or else you have to walk the plank.
Neal: We better get down there then. I wonder who is fighting, I'm recording it.
Hook: I was thinking the same thing!
Neal: Dude....! Ay guess what.
Hook: What?
Neal: My son has a girlfriend now.
Hook: That little spitfire, didn't know he had it in him. You must be proud.
Neal: I'm so proud I'm buying him a sports car next week!
Hook: Sounds like fun, mind if I tag along?
Neal: Sure! MALE BONDING TIME!
Hook: I'm bringing the brownies!
Neal: YUS! But none for Henry.
Hook: No of course not! We'll give him regular brownies.
Neal: Perfect! See you at the meeting.
Hook: Aye! Viva la SwanQueen!
Neal: Viva la SwanQueen!
