The end where I begin

C h a p t e r 13

Danny's POV

It's already been a week since I talked to Lauren. We said we would still be friends, but it sure doesn't feel like it. The last time it was like this was after Tonbridge. We barely talked, only short texts, but this time it was different. We hadn't said a word to each other, and to be honest it killed me. I was so used to having her and knowing I could talk to her all day every day if I had to. Now all that was gone. I know I should have fought for her when I had the chance. Now she's probably in a relationship with that dude, whatever his name is.

Today I decided to go to the studio to empty my feelings. I had so much bottled up inside me that I just had to let out. I know that listening to music has always been a great help for me. It has this time as well, but this time I've been listening to my own songs. The songs have gotten more meaning over the past week. No good in goodbye is obviously one. Breakeven has also become a much bigger part of me. The song has been playing on repeat for the past week and it hurt me more and more each time. The lyrics could not be more fitting. Lauren is now having the time of her life with probably her boyfriend, while I'm living like shit. This time not talking has definitely made me realize what I feel for her. I do like her, maybe more than I should. She might not even be interested and as she said, we don't want the same things. Maybe I should go out and find someone, maybe I should meet someone new, someone who's ready to be with me in every way possible.

'Dan you ready to go to the studio now?' Glen asked. He stopped by earlier to make sure I had had something to eat since I hadn't left my apartment yet.

'Yeah, I'm ready, we can go now'.

'Okay then. How are you feeling today, a little better maybe?' I just turned towards him and gave him a glare that should speak for itself.

'Right then. We better get to the studio so you can write down whatever's bothering you right now.' Is he serious? Like he wouldn't know why I'm acting like this.

'For real Glen? There's one reason I'm feeling like this, and that's because of Lauren. She pushed me away! I think I made myself clear to what I feel right now!' I snapped at him. He looked at me with an apologetic look.

'I know you're devastated that she didn't want you when you so clearly want her, but you have to at least try to be yourself again. You can't be like this much longer Dan, you'll be depressed.' A little late for that now Glen.

'Whatever. Can we just not talk anymore about this until we're in the studio?'

'Yeah sure. Maybe we could get some good ideas for songs about this.' Yeah maybe we could. It's from these situations we've come up with some great songs. And maybe I'll start to feel a little better. I do try to feel better though, it's just not been working the way I want it to. It was in these times I truly knew what I felt. I just didn't want to share it or deal with it. All I wanted to do is just to hide it forever or just forget it.

We got to the studio and started talking around the subject. Out of this we got multiple ideas for songs. All ideas were about the whole Lauren situation. To be honest, it didn't make me feel any better, I just missed it all more. All I really wanted now was to go home, or have a drink. Or both. Yeah both seemed like great plans to me.

'What do ye say Dan, let's go out for a drink eh? It may help you forget for a while.' Mark asked. I had never been happier about that question ever, I really needed to ease the pain. I know I probably shouldn't hurt that much, it was meant to happen anyways. I always knew she was not ready. We were not even together! Sure we had what happened in Tonbridge (flashback later for those who wonder). Still there was something going on, and now that's gone. I really started to have feelings for her. I've been waiting and expecting that to happen, and when it finally does it's ended and it just leads to heartbreak.