The end where I begin

C h a p t e r 20

Lauren's POV

'So how was Dublin? Tell us everything!' I met Sophie, Joanna and Cassidy at the school exit. We were gonna go to a small cafe after school. I was gonna tell them all at lunch today, but since Oscar is still in the gang it would've been a bit awkward telling him what I was up to whilst I was in Dublin. I hadn't told the girls about Oscar and I breaking up either, but he had probably told them, so they knew. They hadn't mentioned it at all, might be because they wanted me to say it. I'm not really used to talk about these things and they know that, but they also know I had to learn to talk about these things. A reason for them to try and make me say it myself.

'Well, as you've probably heard I'm not with Oscar anymore...' I said while adding some milk and sugar to my tea at the usual cafe. I usually ordered an iced coffee or something, but after being around Dan for a weekend I had gotten used to drinking a lot of tea. We had to do tea stops at least every second hour, or else he would be impossible to handle, just like a child who didn't get candy at the store.

'We know. And what kind of shit move was that?!' Sophie yelled at me. Well I guess she didn't like the news, even if she was the one who told me to do the right thing, and for me this was it. Cassidy and Joanna agreed and they all looked at me like I had killed someone.

'Well thanks for the support then, you're really great friends.' I commented back and gave them the same killer look they had just given me.

'Sorry Laurs, but we liked him a lot, you were so good together. What happened?' After the support I got I really didn't want to tell them the whole thing. On the other hand, keeping my relationship with Danny a secret for a while could be good. I wasn't really comfortable with people knowing yet, and especially not after just ending it with Oscar. Besides, we weren't exactly close in age. Keeping it to ourselves for now would probably be the best for his career at the moment as well, for me at least until I was finished with school. Then I would for sure move from this place and probably not see people from here for a while. Hopefully meeting new people in a new place would be good. No one would know me and hopefully I wouldn't get judged for my relationship with Danny.

'I guess I just didn't feel it anymore. I felt something different and I just couldn't be in a relationship feeling like that, so I ended it.' I said looking away from them, I already knew they would tell me how shit this excuse was.

'Laurs, that's a shit excuse. You could at least have waited until you got back home and tried to fix this.' Joanna said. She made me feel really guilty about it, but I knew I shouldn't. If I had done what I had done with Danny while still being with Oscar I would be even guiltier now. I know I told Danny back in Dublin that nothing would happen as long as I was still a relationship, but I knew that either way there's no way I could resist what I felt. It would have happened either way.

'I couldn't. If I did it would have hurt him more, I can promise you that.'

'And why do you know that?' Sophie asked. As usual she asked questions that really made me think.

'You guys really don't understand this. And to be honest, after how you've been acting about this I won't even tell you. Neither of you deserve to know the truth.' I stood up from my chair and walked towards the door. I turned to look at them. They all had a shocked look plastered on their faces.

'Let me know when you want to be supportive again, that would be really nice of you and I would really appreciate it.' I opened the door and walked out. I hid my face walking past the window to hide the tears rolling down my cheeks.

I walked home as fast as I possibly could and went up to my room crashing down on my bed. Luckily no one was home. I laid in bed and cried for a good 30 minutes. I thought I'd at least have some support after this, especially from Sophie. I know she has an idea of what happened, I did tell her about Danny. Still she kinda stabbed me in the back. We have always had each other's backs in things like these, but I guess those days were over. I pulled my headset from my nightstand and plugged it in my phone and went onto Spotify and pressed shuffle on my favorite playlist. For The First Time started playing and tears started streaming down my face as soon as Danny sang the first line of the first verse. I quickly turned off the music and called Dan. He was the only one I wanted to talk to at the moment, he was the only one I had in this shit life.