The end where I begin

C h a p t e r 38

Lauren's POV

'Want some tea or something?' Danny asked as we walked into the kitchen and sat down at the breakfast bar in the middle of the kitchen.

'No thanks, I'm good.' I said. He nodded and we sat in silence. Not the comfortable silence I was used to, but the awkward silence where we both tried to make as little noise as possible not to make it more awkward whilst taking glances at each other from time to time.

'Never mind, I need some tea for this.' Danny broke the silence and stood up and walked over to the benches and turned on the kettle. I sighed and looked down at my hands while Danny found a cup and a tea bag and put it in the cup. The kettle boiled and he turned it off and poured the water into the cup.

'Ye sure youdon't want a cup?' He asked as he sat down again. I nodded yes and he nodded back trying to say something but changed his mind.

'So what did you wanna talk about?' I asked looking him in the eyes.

'Uhmm, honestly. I feel like we're falling apart and I don't know what do to about it.' I nodded slowly taking it all in. Somehow I knew this was what he was going to say but I still wasn't prepared to hear it. I knew he was right though. We weren't the same as we used to. Of course we couldn't be the same when he was gone, we knew that. We have had time apart in the summer when he was in London too, but that was different. I wasn't in school and had time for him when he was here, but now I don't.

'I don't know either...I agree with you, we're not the same. A lot has changed since this summer. You were gone from time to time then as well, but I really didn't have anything else to do. Now I have school which is taking a lot of my time, much more than I want. I don't want to spend all my nights reading and I don't wanna sacrifice us for the education, but I really can't just throw that away either and I can't be sitting home just missing you all day either. I need to try focusing by sticking to what I have here, everything else is my second priority right now, I'm sorry but that's just the way I'm dealing with this. I thought after the summer that this would be easier, but it's so much harder. And I know that when you're here I have to do things differently. I need to make time for you as well, but it's just so hard.' At this point I had tears running down my cheeks as Danny sat staring blankly at the windows.

'I know Laurs. I really get ye. Don't throw away yer education for someone who's not even here. You should focus on school. I have no right to tell you something else or to be upset about this. I'm sorry for acting the way I have about you not having time when I'm home, but I miss you, a lot. That's not going away anytime soon, neither will what I feel about you.' His eyes started to water as he tried to continue speaking again, but he couldn't.

'You have every right to be upset. I shouldn't be treating you like this. You have been so patient and kind with me and I am so grateful for that. I could never swap you for anything, but right now I just don't have the time. I really wish I had, but I just don't and I don't know how to handle this, it's so hard. I feel really bad about not having the time for you when you're back home and I wish this situation was different.'

'We're both busy people Laurs, we can't change that. You have school and that is important. I have the new album to promote and the tour, that's my job right now. When I have time off during the day yer at school or reading, and when you have the time I'm in rehearsals or doing interviews. We just don't have time for each other.'

'I know. This is not ideal at all, but I just can't throw away my education and you can't leave the band that is not happening in a million years.'

'So what are we gonna do?' Danny asked as tears started rolling down his cheeks too. I stood up from the chair with tears in my eyes and walked up to him and placed my hands on each side of his cheeks. He turned so he was sitting on the chair facing me with his arms resting low on my waist.