The end where I begin

C h a p t e r 52

Danny's POV

'How do you feel about being back in Dublin mate?' Glen asked as we had just landed. It was only me and him that were going back to Dublin after this travel. Mark was going back to his family that was in London at the moment so he took a different plane.

'It feels good. I can't wait to see my family, I miss them. It's gonna be a hard couple of weeks but I'm sure I'll get through it. I have survived all the other years as well.' I said taking my suitcase into the car that had come to pick us up.

'That's good, you seem better.'

'Good it seems that way, that means I'm hiding it well. I've not moved on at all, I'm still feeling the same pain I felt the day it all went wrong, but I know how to live with it now. It's been just over a month now...' I sighed.

'Honestly, I couldn't have guessed that. You seem a lot better now. You're almost the same as you were during the times everything was good, that's really good Dan. It means you're doing something right.'

'Yeah, it seems that way. I'm just trying to fight the urge to text her every day and I manage. I rarely check up on her social media too. I know it will fuck me up even more so I mostly stay away.'

'And it works. You should continue that, give her the space.' Glen said patting my shoulder.

'I am. I know she will shut me out completely if I continue trying to talk to her when she doesn't want to. Staying away is better, maybe one day she'll realize she still wants to be with me and she'll come back.' I smiled sadly looking at Glen who had the exact same look on his face.

'Let's hope Dan, you were really good together. It would be a shame to throw that away. Well you did mess up pretty bad, but as long as you work together on this and gain her trust again nothing's impossible.'

'Thanks mate. When are you gonna find someone then?' I asked Glen smiling. He shook his head and laughed at me.

'When the time is right Dan. First I need to take care of my son.' Glen said. His son was about 16 years old now, a great kid. He played the drums as well and he was really good. He had the same talent as Glen who had probably taught him everything he knows, just like with me. At sound checks or whenever we had time off during a day Glen would teach me to play the drums and it went pretty good so far. Well I wasn't that good but I didn't suck anymore either.

'Yeah how is he now?' I asked.

'Luke's good. He's back at school after the holidays. And he's really developing on the drums too.'

'You better watch out then, we might replace you for him if he continues to get any better.' I joked as Glen laughed again.

'Yeah I better. He's gonna be a great drummer one day, I'm sure of that.'

'I don't doubt that.' I said as we both got in the car and drove away from the airport. Glen lived closer to the airport than I did so he was dropped of first. We said goodbye and planned when we would meet up again. Since it was only me and him we agreed to go into a studio one of the days just to practice some drums and maybe write a bit. Even though we had just started a new tour now we still wrote songs from time to time. 

The driver drove away from his house and headed over to my apartment only a few minutes away. I took my suitcase and got inside the building. My plans for today were to just get some rest for a couple of hours and then I would go to my mom for some dinner later today. Then I would probably just go home and get some sleep early before starting fresh tomorrow. It was the 11th of February today which meant it was only 3 more days until the anniversary date for my father's death back in 2008. I still miss him a lot. I would give anything to have him back with me. He had missed so much of my life, all the good things. He never got to see the release of the band's first album, neither see the band perform at a concert. He was there for all the small shows he could when he wasn't out touring himself. I still wish he was here to see all the things I've accomplished in life. All the touring, the albums. I smiled at the thought of him as I took the elevator up to my apartment and went inside.

I immediately took of my shoes and coat before placing the suitcase in the hallway. I stepped over to the piano in front of the windows and sat down. I started to play one of my dad's songs. He was a really great pianist. He taught me everything I know and for that I'm truly grateful. If it wasn't for him I probably wouldn't have started music. Not like this. He was always the one motivating me to persuade my own career. He was really supporting when me and Mark decided to leave Ireland to start over in LA. It didn't exactly go the way we planned, but it was still a good life over there. We worked with a lot of big names and it all lead us to Glen at last. We started the band and things were going great. We came home to Dublin and started what was the biggest thing in our career. We started working on our first album before he suddenly passed away on Valentine's Day. I don't remember much of that time to be honest. I guess I was just in shock that it happened. We took a small break from the album before we got back into it when I felt ready to. We thought we had gotten through the worst at that time, but then suddenly Marks mom got ill. She passed a few months later and we were forced to take another step back. We spent months trying to make it all work again before we finally released our first album together as a band. What started as a shit year for us turned out to be a happy year at last. The pain of our losses still followed us and it still is, but we've dealt with it a lot. After all of that happened we've become much stronger together and we work really well together like that. Both Mark and I still have a hard time thinking about the fact that my father and both of his parents haven't gotten to experience the success we've had, but I'm sure all of them are still watching us from wherever they are now.

I decided not to take that nap after all and just went straight to my bathroom to change and get ready to leave and be at my mams a few hours earlier. I missed being away so much and it felt good to be back home again. I quickly put on some fresh clothes and did my hair. After I was done I exited the apartment and got a hold of a taxi from the streets. I told the driver the address and we took off. After about 10 minutes the driver pulled up outside her house and I paid him. I walked up to her door and knocked. Soon after I heard footsteps from inside before the door came open.

'Ah Daniel! So good to see ye again.'

'Hey ma. I've missed ye.' I said pulling her in for a tight hug.

'I wasn't expecting ye until a couple of hours.'

'I know, I hope ye don't mind that I came a bit early. I was bored and I thought I'd have a bit more time here. I can always catch up on my sleep later anyways.' I said as I hugged her again and we got inside. She offered me both tea and some cake which I gladly accepted. We sat down in her living room together and talked. She asked a lot about the upcoming tour. Which songs we decided to play, where we would go and how the show was supposed to look like. I told her we were still gonna play our most popular songs like The Man Who Can't Be Moved, Breakeven, For The First Time, If You Could See Me Now, Hall Of Fame, Superheroes, No Good In Goodbye, It's Not Right For You and The Energy Never Dies, and that we were probably gonna keep Paint The Town Green as our opening song as the fans really loved it and it set the standard for the show. Then we would add about 6 or 7 of the songs from the new album. We were gonna take the tour further now than the last time. We were always trying to expand and spread out songs worldwide. This tour we would have a show in Russia and Ukraine as well. We would also have a show in Poland as the one we were supposed to have during the NSWS tour got cancelled. We would most definitely go back to Brazil too, maybe also add more shows in the U.S. As we did fewer shows there than other continents even though our fan base was huge over there. A goal was also to go more places in Africa. Hopefully we would make this tour a big one, possibly the best one.

'The band is going really well then. I'm sure it will be a good tour. More tea?' Mom asked as she had taken her last sip from her tea. I nodded at her and she went to make another cup for the both of us.

'So how are ye doing now?' My ma asked from the kitchen.

'I'm good. Tired from the traveling at the moment, but other than that I'm good.' I answered. I heard her sigh in the kitchen and I knew she had follow up questions.

'And Lauren?' And there it was. Just what I had predicted.

'Well I don't know. We don't talk.' I said sighing as she came out of the kitchen and handed me my freshly made cup of tea. I gave it a light blow before I took a small sip.

'I know that dear.'

'Hmm? How?' I asked puzzled.

'She is a great woman Daniel, and ye hurt her. She was a great addition to the family too, of course I keep in touch with her.'

'Ye never told me that. Why?' I scowled at her.

'Well ye don't tell me everything either.'

'That's true, sorry.' I said as I took another sip of tea. She nodded at me and took a sip herself and grabbed a cookie from the plate that was on the table. We sat in silence for a few minutes just looking at each other and taking sips of our tea occasionally before she spoke up again.

'She's doing good...Lauren I mean.'

'Well that's good.' I sighed.

'She's moving on, she's happy.' As I heard this I felt a sting of pain in my chest. She was moving on. Well what could I expect...She broke up with me almost two months ago already. I still felt the same about her. I hadn't moved on at all. I was just patiently waiting for her to say she wants to talk to me again. Well that might not happen anytime soon, but a guy can dream right?

'Good for her then.' I spat. My mam sighed at me and shook her head.

'Ye should be happy about that Daniel.'

'I am!' I snapped.

'No yer not. Yer hurt.'

'What did ye expect?! I still love her and I want her back! She told me not to contact her a month ago and I haven't, no matter how much I've wanted to! I've given her space and time to think. Maybe, just maybe someday she would call and say that she's changed her mind, but now she's moving on without me and it fucking hurts! The love of my life is slipping away from me and I can't do shit about it.' I said in anger as I bent my head down and rubbed the back of my neck and tried to hold back my tears.

'Oh Daniel...Don't you worry.'

'I can't do that ma! She's happy again and I'm not. I'm miserable without her. I'm nothing without her!' I stood up from the couch and paced back and forth in the living room.

'Calm down Daniel.'

'No I won't. I need to just let it all out.'

'Okay then.' She sighed as she left me alone to think. She was sitting in her chair across from the couch. She was calmly sipping on her tea while I was still pacing back and forth in the living room digesting what my ma told me. Lauren was moving on. She was moving on, trying to forget about us, what we had. It had been two months but it still felt like yesterday to me. The pain was still unreal and the hurt in her eyes still haunted me in my sleep. Would I ever be able to get over this?

'I'm sorry ma.' I said as I stopped placing the floor.

'It's not me yer supposed to apologize to, it's Lauren.' My ma stated.

'I know, I just wish she would talk to me.'

'Be patient Daniel. You will get the chance someday. Maybe in a day, a week, a month, a year. Maybe 10 years. Someday. You just don't know when, but it will happen.' My ma said as she stood up from her chair walking up to me and pulling me in for a hug. I let a tear run down my cheeks as we slowly pulled back.

'Thanks for ev...' I was about to finish my sentence when I noticed my phone buzzing in my pocket. I quickly pulled my phone out of my pocket and read the text. It was Lauren. 

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