The end where I begin

C h a p t e r 50

Lauren's POV

Ouch. That was the perfect word to describe what I felt waking up this morning. In fact that was the only word to describe my morning. As soon as I felt my body slowly waking up I noticed the soreness in all my muscles and the banging headache I had. I stayed in the bed with my eyes closed for a few more minutes trying to remember all that happened last night. I had a lot to drink and I only remembered pieces so far. Well in fact, I also had some weird dreams last night but I'm not even sure that it actually happened or if it was only a dream. I was slightly scared of opening my eyes as well, in case one of my "dreams" turned out to be true and that I was in fact naked in Oscar's bed right now.

Suddenly I felt movements next to me. It was then I realised it wasn't a dream. I sighed heavily as I slowly opened my eyes. I turned my head and saw Oscar asleep next to me. Fuck. I quickly sat up in bed and crunched my knees against my chest and folded my arms around my knees. I bent my head down as all the memories of last night's event came flashing through my mind. Some parts of last night were still blurry, but the thing I remember the most was what happened after me and Oscar left Sophie's house. We walked together in the streets before he suggested we would go back to his place. Obviously I agreed to that. The first thing I did as I stepped through his door was to take of my shoes and jacket before I launched myself at him and kissed him. Things got heated and we ended up in his bedroom on top of his bed as we undressed each other. It's quite obvious how that ended, and now I'm here. Hungover and naked in his bed not sure whether I regret this or not. Well I was really drunk and didn't know what I was doing half the time. I'm still heartbroken over Danny and what happened with him. I did want to have a night full of fun, and I did. The things I did I must have done because I wanted to, not because I had to. I just wanted to enjoy a night with my friends and try to have a good time. Well it was fun last night I'm sure of it, but now I realised I made a stupid mistake I can't ever take back. Even though I wasn't with Danny anymore I felt really bad about sleeping with Oscar. I wasn't even close to moving on but still I got drunk and had a one night stand with my ex which I never even slept with before. What a great night...Oh yeah, notice the sarcasm here.

'Morning.' Oscar mumbled as I felt movements in the bed next to me. He slowly opened his eyes and sat up in bed placing his arms around my waist and pulling me closer.

'Good morning. How are you feeling?' I asked not returning his actions.

'Hungover. You the same?' He said as he was about to kiss me. I turned my head right before his lips touched mine so he kissed my cheek instead. 'Is it something wrong?' He asked puzzled.

'This shouldn't have happened.' I said as I turned my head to look him in the eyes. He looked shocked and hurt from what I had just said.

'Why? Is it because of your ex?' He asked removing his arms from my waist and pulling back.

'I know I said and showed really well that I wanted this to happen last night, and I did. I did feel something and I do believe that whatever we had before hasn't left. There's still something here, but it just wasn't enough. I was confused. Now...I'm still confused. I have just ended it with my ex who I still love very, very much. I'm hurt, broken. I'm not ready for anything right now. I just need time to heal myself and get over it. This, what happened last night shouldn't have happened. Don't get me wrong, it was good. It truly was. You're a great guy, but I can't. I'm sorry but I can't.' I said as a tear rolled down my cheek. Oscar sighed before pulling me into a hug. He squeezed me lightly making me cry even more. After a few minutes in silence he pulled away to wipe away my tears.

'I should go. My family is probably waiting for me at home.' I said moving away from him to gather my clothes.

'Sure...'

'I'm sorry for everything, I really am.' I said as I had finished getting dressed as he got out of bed to get dressed as well.

'Don't think about it, it's okay. You only did what you thought was best for you.'

'No that's not okay. It doesn't matter if it was right for me if it hurt another person. I shouldn't have gotten involved with him in the first place. We could have gotten so much further than we did. After everything that's been going on for the past months I've thought about us a few times too. I'm still kicking myself for letting you go. You're obviously a better match for me, at least when it comes to the different stages in life. We're both still young and have so much more to look forward to, unlike Danny who's lived through it all and starts to want to settle down, something I'm not ready for. You probably wouldn't have hurt me like him either, at least not in the same way.' I said sadly as he moved closer to me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug which I gladly returned.