The end where I begin

C h a p t e r 53

Lauren's POV

It has been two months since Danny and I broke up. Two months. In the first few weeks it was just like hell. The pain was unreal and I seriously thought that if I fell asleep I wouldn't wake up again. This was also the first time I had ever experienced a break up, and it's definitely the last time, I hope.

During those first few weeks Danny also texted me a few times which didn't exactly help me at all. I ignored all the texts and he kept going. I got sick of it and texted back asking him to leave me alone, which he did. After that I haven't heard a single word from him. That let me at least try to heal myself and move on. It was a really hard time, but I managed to get on with my life. Today, and for the past couple of weeks I had woken up feeling good. It still hurt thinking about what happened, but not that much anymore. I could talk to people about it and shrug it off. I had come a long way these past weeks and kept getting better and better each day. I was proud to say I had nearly moved on. No, I wasn't ever nearly ready for a relationship or anything, not at all. I just feel good again after so long of feeling unhappy.

'Can I help you miss?' A waitress came over to my table smiling kindly at me.

'Uhm not yet, thanks anyways.'

'Okay, are ye expecting someone?' She asked nodding her head to the other side of my table. There was a glass and some cutlery set at the table with a napkin.

'Oh no, it's only me.' I said sadly as I looked over at the empty seat.

'Okay, let me know if ye need anything.' The waitress smiled as she cleared the table.

'Thank you.' I smiled back at her. This was usually the place Danny and I would go to together. Or used to. After the break up I didn't dare to come here at all, today was the first time. I woke up today feeling so much better than the previous days, almost like my old self again. I had missed this small place and I dared myself to go back here today. I never knew when I would feel this good and confident again so why not take the chance? I got out of bed and spent hours getting ready for this. I knew it would have some kind of impact on me so I wanted to prepare myself first. I finally managed to get ready and I left my apartment wrapped up in my coat with a big scarf around my neck and throat. It was cold outside today. Most people stayed inside on days like these here in Dublin but today it was also sunny so there were actually quite a few people outside. I took a small detour walking over here today so I got to see some of the city as well. Even though I had lived here for about 8 months now I never got tired of walking through these streets. The streets led me to many great places, including the little cafe/diner I was sitting in now.

As I was sitting at the table watching the waitress clearing the table in front of me I was reminded of all the times Danny and I would come here for either breakfast or lunch, depending on when we would get out of bed. I chuckled to myself thinking of the time we kinda started a small food fight in the middle of the diner. The staff got a bit upset with us but we didn't really care. We kept coming back making this our place. I snapped out of my thoughts when the waitress was suddenly standing in front of me again smiling.

'Oh sorry, I didn't notice you were standing there.'

'It's okay.' She chuckled at me.

'Well I'll have a slice of the chocolate cake and a cup of tea please.'

'Ah the usual.' The waitress stayed writing it down on a note.

'Yeah...' I smiled sadly at her. She smiled quickly before she went back to the till. Automatically I had ordered what Danny and I would always order together, chocolate cake and tea. As the waiter placed the cake and the tea in front of me I felt a sting of pain in my chest and a tear rolled down my cheek. I sat in the chair just staring at the cake and the tea not daring to touch any of it. I realized how much I missed sharing those little things with Danny. It was those small things in our everyday life that made me fall more and more in love with him. It kept us together making us inseparable. Tears kept streaming down my face. As soon as I wiped one tear away another escaped my eyes. I suddenly had trouble breathing as the pain in my chest grew stronger and stronger. The memories of me and Danny flashed through my mind. I couldn't breathe anymore, I needed air.

I took some money out of my pocket as I stood up from my chair quickly headed towards the exit. I opened the door and ran out and into the streets gasping for air as tears rolled down my cheeks. It was in this moment I realised something...I wasn't over him. I still loved him. I needed him in my life. I needed those small moments every day. The visits to the diner, the movie nights, the late mornings spent in bed cuddling, holding hands walking down the streets telling each other that we loved each other. I pulled up my phone and unlocked it and opened my messages. I scrolled down until I found his name before I typed in a message.

'I know this may be the worst timing ever considering you're back to be with your family and I respect that, but I would like to talk to you sometime before you leave again, if you feel like you still want to of course.' I hit send and closed my phone again hoping he would reply to me, hoping he still wanted to talk. I know he hurt me badly and that taking your ex back is just plain stupid, but I love him. Well I wasn't sure I would take him back anyways, but I just wanted to see him again and talk to him. I knew that he wanted to talk as well, or at least he used to want to talk.

I put my phone back in my pocket as I had calmed down a bit after the breakdown I had. I started walking back towards my apartment again. As I had just started walking I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket.

Next chapter: Will Lauren and Danny meet up for a talk?