"So tell me you love me
Only for tonight
Only for one night
Even though you don't love me
Just tell me you love me
I'll give you what I need
I'll give you all of me
Even though you don't love me" -Wicked Games
Green, Pink, Blue
His arms felt like an old memory...
The colours of the enchanted smoke that surrounded us.
A few hours before Id reluctantly agreed to spend time again with Rodolphus.
We'd met up on the front lawn of Hogwarts. He'd tried to kiss me and I'd shoved him off of me and yelled at him. He'd decided I was too tense, grabbed me by the wrist and said he was going to make the most of our time together.
He'd led me to Hogsmeade- we weren't to be off school grounds - and then grabbed me roughly by the hips pulling me to him and disapparated us to Diagon. He was 17. He was able to disapparate but obviously wasn't supposed to during school terms.
Once there he dragged me down Knockturn Alley. At the time Id never been there .
No respectable pure blood lady would have been caught there. Of course I've since been there too many times to count- but I've also dropped the respectable lady act.
His arm tight around my waist he guided me into a dark shop hidden in the corner of the street. I wanted to pull away from him but at the same time liked the firm commanding grasp he had on me . Besides, I was nervous being there and his embrace made me feel safe.
Before he could get too comfortable holding me against him the store clerk came back with what he'd asked for .
"What's tha-" I started before I was given the look. The "Shut up Trixy " look. I knew it well. He'd had many occasions to use it over the years.
I shut up and let him take my hand leading me through the dark alley of Knockturn where everyone seemed to have secrets to hide and side glances to give.
"What if someone sees us Rod and they tell someone?"
" Trixy! Calm yourself!" he'd said "then THEY'D have to admit being here too. Don't worry. No one who knows our families will say a word " he squeezed my hand as he steered us around a corner and out of the alley onto a dirt path that led to a field away from Diagon.
We walked fairly far into the field before he threw down a blanket from the pack he'd been carrying on his back . "Get comfortable Belle". He said as he sat and pulled me down.
I laughed and rolled off him, and internally gave myself my own "shut up Trix" look. Id been determined not to have any fun with him on these forced outings .
"Don't stop Belle" he said softly. "I miss that laugh" he leaned in and kissed me on my jawline near my ear before quickly getting out his Knockturn purchase leaving me to sit confused with the old feelings he'd awakened.
He lit it with his wand and took a deep pull on it , breathing out. We were in a haze of colourful thick smoke. "Rod you're going to be in so much -"
"Trouble? " he interrupted . "Come on little Miss Prefect. Relax and have fun like we used to. "
He crawled over me so he was kneeling over top of my legs looking down into my face.
"Take it Belle. For old times sake. " I shook my head no. "Oh too afraid are you Trixy?" I glared up at him. He knew the easiest way to manipulate me was to challenge me and I ripped it from his hand.
He laughed and moved himself so he was sat beside me as I felt it hit my lungs and breathed out. Anything from Knockturn worked fast and I felt my whole body relax within seconds. I handed it back to him.
We passed it a couple times , mostly he had it til it was gone and I was too transfixed by the lingering thick colour shifting smoke to care about anything.
"Lie back Belle. You always were such a baby on this. " He gently pushed me back onto the blanket and leaned over me a second before kissing me. I should have fought him but I didn't care at that moment.
The smoke. The kiss. And the tension between us was gone.
He laid down beside me and wrapped his arms around me pulling me tight against him. I relaxed even more at his touch.
His arms felt like an old memory and I let it play through my mind.
We stayed that way a long time talking and laughing ... And me allowing him far more freedom than Id ever have normally.
As my mind started to fight back for control of my senses I rolled over to face him. He kissed me for the I don't know how many times that night - and I pulled away- slowly .
"But Lucius" Id said.
"He's not here Belle I am. And it's us . We are getting married. He's what you want but I'm what you need. Let me give you what he can't. " he held me tighter.
I stared at him. The hurt registering on his face .
That face. I could have loved it. I nearly had- at one time .
He was handsome.
He was fun.
He was good with me.
But he wasn't Lucius.
Id already handed over my heart to Rodolphus' exact opposite - light where he was dark, serious where Rod was overly playful. Quiet and contemplative compared to Rodolphus' noisy boisterous nature.
"We might be getting married but I'll always be his...You know that " I said softly as the smoke dissipated- leaving nothing to distract me from reality.
I expected him to push me away but instead he pulled me closer . I relaxed into him while the fog in my brain was chased away by the wave of regret rushing in.
For what Id allowed while messed up with him.
For not hating being here with him in his arms.
For not realising it was more than just a contract for him. He liked me. Loved me?
For both of us living in a society where arranged marriages hurt all involved and me not realising it wasn't just Lucius and me that were being devastated with this- Rod was getting a wife who could never fully love him and he was realising that for maybe the first time. The first of many.
He broke into my thoughts by brushing an errant strand of hair from my face as he whispered "I can't get high enough to forget you don't want me."
"I tried to kiss you
But you never let me miss you
But you never let me miss you
I thought I told you
I'm not him
Sandpaper kisses, paper cut bliss
You're too shy away from me
Just sacrifice your every last inhibition
I'm on your side
Don't patronize
You know tonight
Is the only time we'll have each other
Why would you try to waste this precious time?
Cause tonight I'll be right here
And tomorrow you won't care" - The Weekend
YOU ARE READING
The Madness of Bellatrix Lestrange
Fanfiction"No one becomes depraved all at once." "History is written by the Victors. " Or so they say. We triumphed much but in the end -victors we were not. Most of us received pardons for our ..."crimes". Surprisingly even I. What we didn't get was control...
