Hello Darkness
Old My Friend...
"You jumped in front of him. WHY?!"
I cried softly into the sable grey blanket unable to answer his questions.
"You didn't care. You took the mark to protect me. You don't even feel passionately about pure blood status . Yet you leap in front of him and now our baby is dead!"
I bury my head in the pillow on the couch I've barely moved from in weeks.
I can't tell him. What do I tell him? I've been playing about with your Lord for months? He Doesnt just steal me away to talk. His hands roam my body expertly, enticing me. He seduced me into taking the mark. He knows me as well as you. I let him have me completely. When he trains me, torture is followed with the throes of pleasure. He plays me while I'm incapacitated but when I'm released from the effects of whatever spell he's cast on me I give myself to him.
Willingly. Desperate. Begging.
"The child may not even have been yours."
Is that what I'm to say?
If I knew what would end this. The endless questioning id say it.
As if losing a baby isn't enough. As if feeling death push from my body is not enough, I have to endure these questions.
He doesn't know. Doesn't know the joy of knowing life is within you. The utter wonder of carrying another living being within your body. The devastation as it parts from you . The searing pain as it separates from your womb and evacuates your body leaving nothing but an empty void.
And the guilt that takes up residence . Even women who've done nothing but nurture that life feel it. The pain , the failure, the loss.
But me.
I jumped in front of a killing curse. Mindlessly.
Wholly devoted - to one whose mark I'd taken under duress .
Guilt is not the word I felt. There is no word for the blackness which pervaded my mind.
Til then it had creeped, carefully, silently amongst the edges of my consciousness but now , now it paraded itself arrogantly and free through the the recesses of my mind.
Where life once flourished death and madness rushed in.
Id failed at the most simplest of tasks for a pure blood woman.
Breed.
Breed- that's all they wanted from us. Bred I had . And lost the child in a fit of obsessive blind madness.
I flung myself before him, my lord- not my lord , my lover -and in doing so went from life to death.
My child absorbed the killing curse for me.
Of course had I died the child only 4 months itself, too would have died. But how much better mother to perish with child, instead of the innocent solely taking on the sins of the mother.
How does one live with that . The killing of innocents, not having yet tasted of the sun.
Darkness. That's how.
I welcomed it like the parched worship a stream.
Darkness became my constant friend - and with it madness.
It had been 6 weeks since our loss. At 5 weeks Roddy had seen me fit to endure his incessant questioning.
He deserved it. The right to ask of me my process. What led me to protect a Lord whose beliefs I openly chastised within the safety of my home with my loyal death eater husband.
It didn't add up to him . Nor should it have. I'd taken the mark to protect him. Our Lord desiring me in his ranks. Using my husband as bait. Any who knew me knew I took it for my husband alone.
Why then had I sacrificed myself for his lord.
His lord . My lover .
Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turn my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence
"Fools," said I, "you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence
And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sound of silence
YOU ARE READING
The Madness of Bellatrix Lestrange
Fanfiction"No one becomes depraved all at once." "History is written by the Victors. " Or so they say. We triumphed much but in the end -victors we were not. Most of us received pardons for our ..."crimes". Surprisingly even I. What we didn't get was control...
