"Bellatrix..."
I heard him before I saw him.
Sensed him before I heard him.
My lungs instantly breathed in what seemed to be all the air in the room, filling to painful capacity. My chest forgot how to exhale until my subconscious mind forced the involuntary reaction.
Standing , alone, now Light headed my lord walked to me. I didn't turn when I felt his hand on my shoulder.
The nature of the gesture difficult to make out. Was it to be consoling? Affectionate? Possessive?
Whatever the motive, possessiveness was always an undercurrent with any interaction he had with me. It had been from the start. Before we had even met.
He heard of my "prodigious skill" and had to have me. And have me he now did- in every sense of the word.
"Bellatrix"
His voice didn't just fill the room , it filled my mind . It had a nature that made you feel you couldn't escape it if you tried.
"My lord " the words pushed out on the heavy exhale forced by my straining lungs, reacting involuntarily.
"I'm truly sorry for what has happened. I never mean for pureblood to be shed. It is a loss felt by us all. What you sacrificed for our cause..."
He kept speaking, his voice painfully registering in my mind all the while all I could hear over and over was "never mean for pureblood to be shed ....pureblood to be shed ... Pureblood.... Pure...blood..."
All my child was to him was yet another vessel to pump through the only blood worthy of wizardry. Blood he himself, a half blood, didn't possess. An uncomfortable fact I'd shouted numerous times at Rodolphus. A truth that Rodolphus had just as frequently screamed at me to forget .
Our cause , their cause... His cause was for blood purity but my child was more than just that blood.
My child. Our child. Rodolphus' desperately wanted child...
My cheeks were hot with tears as his invasive words started to be interpreted again, not just heard, by my mind.
"... Won't be forgotten. Such loyalty and bravery shown by one , so new with the mark, is remarkable and to be honoured. I see greatness in you Bella" his hand caressing down my arm now at the familiar form of my name from its former static position on my shoulder. "You know that . You know I rarely pursue anyone so fervently . Perhaps no one so fervently as I sought you. " His hand taking mine upon the completion on his sentence.
He walked around to face me, a cold thumb wiping at the silent hot tears that continued to stream down my face as his other hand left my own and slid from my hip round to the small of the back.
"I see your pain. " he whispered his hand placing the slightest of pressure on my back propelling me toward him "Come here " .
My face pressed against his chest without thinking and as his arms closed tightly around me the dam inside broke and my sobs filled the room , my tears soddening the cloak of my most unlikely comforter.
Truth be told, I hadn't cried like this since the day after the baby's death. Roddys glances telling me-though he'd never speak it, not at that point- that I had forsaken my rights to grieve when I'd flung myself foolhardily into a killing curse , having the nerve to not die with the child Id inadvertently sacrificed for a cause I felt no personal commitment to.
My parents were ashamed that I was out doing "man's" work instead of being the proper princess they'd raised to have pureblood heirs and spares. It mattered not I was favoured among the great Lord they all rallied round. Rodolphus' parents, though I'd always found them warmer and a more natural family than my own, seemed cold. Losing ones' heir tends to cool the affection once given. My sisters- Andie gone, Narcissa, in an exile I'd put her in for being matched to my love - I was left to mourn alone, in secret away from the angry mournful eyes of the husband I betrayed . The one who questioned, and rightfully so my fidelity and commitment to him .
Perhaps it was this, the Dark Lord saw that day. A trembling pent up ball of pain and loss that needed shed and a safe place for it to flow. Had he become the harbour for my grief because of genuine care for me or had he found yet another vulnerability in me that he could exploit in exchange for growing loyalty?
I can't know. I like to think I saw genuine pain in his eyes, knowing I'd sacrificed my child for his life. That his arms bore care than manipulation as they held me, but I can never know for certain.
Whatever the motivation behind his actions I received what I so desperately needed those long weeks , someone to hold me while I cried the tears of pain that only a mother who'd lost a child can shed.
I was able to finally release and cleanse myself as best as I ever would. My spirit, my mind permanently broken from the experience , the void filled with that same blackness that rushed in to fill every void I experienced in this time in my life, but still some undefinable cleansing had occurred.
He had no challenges for me that day . No training . No seduction. Only strong arms wrapped around me and kind words.
I left him that day stronger and resolved. A cause I'd cared little for had just become personal to me. My child's blood had been shed , a causality of this war before he could ever breathe a breath into his pure lungs.
I would devote myself entirely now. For him. For my son and for my master, who cared enough to mourn his loss with me.
YOU ARE READING
The Madness of Bellatrix Lestrange
Fanfiction"No one becomes depraved all at once." "History is written by the Victors. " Or so they say. We triumphed much but in the end -victors we were not. Most of us received pardons for our ..."crimes". Surprisingly even I. What we didn't get was control...
