"Crucio"
The word rolled off my tongue with vibrato. I swear I could taste the deliciousness of the curse in my mouth as I spoke it. The pleasure I took in casting it could not be measured by any tools , muggle or wizardry made .
The allure of it lay in my pain. I'd lost so much already , I'd sure as hell be taking my due reward.
My freedom- being pureblood
My love - forced to wed one , while my true love betrothed to my sister in aristocratic arranged marriage.
My child- my son, (I'm still assured I'd carried a pureblood heir for my husband) his innocent blood shed not even in full battle.
My husband- grown cold, his suspicions of my desires for our Lord confirmed in my act of protection resulting in the loss of my son.
What did I have left but utter devotion.
I gave myself wholly to the cause . A Cause never before alluring to me. Never one I saw a future in- now held my only future , my entire life .
I trained with my lord every spare second. Sat by his side in meetings .
Me. A woman. Deemed worthy enough in this patriarchal society to garner his full attention- and not for my breasts or the gentle curves and sway of my body, but for my mind, for my skill.
We sparred against one another duelling as two of the best in the wizarding world. My prodigious skill finding its match in my master- he finding his match in my skill.
Iron sharpens iron .
And so my skill grew .
And so my favour flourished.
And so desires were aroused.
We duelled, we strategised and made love into early morning.
All of me - my mind, my strength , my body fulfilled. I , for once , satisfied.
I thought so anyway.
It was a mere hollow shell of a true life.
An illusion.
But that mattered little in those days of grief. Long days that turned into longer nights when my husband shunned me, still hurt over our child's death. Still suspicious of my allegiance to our Lord and what spurred it.
Long weeks that led to months where I didn't see my love, my Lucius , driven ironically by short days that led to his marriage to my sister. Would I ever find solace in his arms again?
All lost, I gave all that I had left - me. All of me to the cause.
No one trained longer, stayed later than I.
No one took a curse like I could. Battle hardened men wept while I grit my teeth and endured even the most severely cast Crucio.
Perhaps that's why it became my signature.
I earned my stripes on that curse .
Earned respect .
Earned rewards in my master's arms on that curse.
Few dared face it on training or in battle.
Only I willingly walked into it .
Endured it.
Revelled in it.
They say you can only truly master a curse if you learn to bear it without complaint.
If that's so m, the Cruciatus belongs to me.
I wield it with abandon. I show no mercy. I don't discriminate on those I inflict it on.
I just curse .
And curse .
And curse.
And curse .
In doing so I rise above all before me. I rise up elevated to the right hand. /his / right hand.
I AM his right hand.
My determination, utter devotion and lack of anything to lose elevates me above my station as a woman . Not only am I their first woman to bear the mark -his mark- the mark of his inner circle . I now AM his inner circle. I am his Lieutentant. I am the one he trusts above all else .
I am his .
Wholly.
Implicitly.
Devotedly.
I rise above the constraints of my gender in a patriarchal wizarding society.
I rise above the husband I am forced to marry for status .
I rise above my emotions, my devotions.
I rise.
I am in command.
I am HIS right hand.
I have a purpose.
I have a cause .
I will fight.
If I die , I lay down my life knowing I gave my all for what I believed in.
If I face my son, for the first time, able to tell him I fought for him. The life he wasn't given the chance to live I sought recompense.
I am wholly devoted to the cause. I breathe , I live for the cause .
I am the cause .
They say the colour of ambition is a dark green. It's no coincidence it's the colour of Slytherin house. My life has always been painted green. Never more so than now.
All for the cause .
I'll keep quiet
You won't even know I'm here
You won't suspect a thing
You won't see me in the mirror
But I crept into your heart
You can't make me disappear
'Til I make you
I made myself at home
In the cobwebs and the lies
I'm learning all your tricks
I can hurt you from inside
I made myself a promise
You would never see me cry
'Til I make you
You'll never know what hit you
Won't see me closing in
I'm gonna make you suffer
This hell you put me in
I'm underneath your skin
The devil within
You'll never know what hit you
I'll be here
When you think you're all alone
Seeping through the cracks
I'm the poison in your bones
My love is your disease
I won't let it set you free
'Til I break you
you'll never know what hit you
Won't see me closing in
I'm gonna make you suffer
This hell you put me in
I'm underneath your skin
The devil within
You'll never know what hit you
I tried to be the lover to your nightmare
Look what you made of me
Now I'm the heavy burden that you can't bear
Look what you made of me
Look what you made of me
I'll make you see
You'll never know what hit you
Won't see me closing in
I'm gonna make you suffer
This hell you put me in
I'm underneath your skin
The devil within
You'll never know what hit you
The devil within
You'll never know what hit you
Devil Within
Digital Daggers
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The Madness of Bellatrix Lestrange
Fanfiction"No one becomes depraved all at once." "History is written by the Victors. " Or so they say. We triumphed much but in the end -victors we were not. Most of us received pardons for our ..."crimes". Surprisingly even I. What we didn't get was control...
