I need you I need you I need you .
Our place this weekend .
It was short but earnest, the letter I sent to Lucius that frigid Monday . The ground was crisp with the light snow that had fallen that first week of December, frozen over by the harsh bitter wind of winter .
All I saw was death.
Winter the season the of death falling on the footsteps of the loss of my baby that November.
Death of my relationship. The disdain on Rodolphus eyes when he thought I wasn't looking . Oh he tried to be a husband, but his arms were cold when they held me , his lips weak when they pressed to time. Love making was routine, like scratching an itch- devoid of passion, love, any feeling at all.
I'd sworn off Lucius when I agreed to carry Rodolphus' child . When I found myself pregnant he bliss so engulfed me, us, that I hardly felt the pang of missing Lucius. Rodolphus and I had grown even closer with the news of our impending blessing and I finally saw a future that was just he and I, he and I and our children. I COULD live happily without Lucius.
Of course that was easiest with him tucked away at Hogwarts and me wrapped up in a doting husband adoring his pregnant wife.
Now all that was shattered with two quick words of a curse and that familiar pang for the one I truly loved came back with a fierce hunger of unmet need.
That letter- that poor excuse for a letter which still dripped with earnest passion- was the first contact I had with him since September.
I was unnerved thinking he'd refuse me. One more rejection would devastate me.
Death all around me I desperately needed life and I never felt more alive than when I was in his arms.
I arrived that Friday evening at the room, our room at the Leaky Cauldron unsure if he'd be there. I hadn't been clear saying only weekend. Maybe he'd not arrive til Saturday. I turned the key in the door and opened hearing fast foot falls . Before I could even fully open it, the door was pushed open and strong arms wrapped around my waist pulling me into the room.
My mouth was immediately assaulted with sweetest of kisses , hands tangled in my hair pulling my face ever closer . The door was kicked shut and I was shoved up against it while firm hands ran over my body quickly unbuttoning my wool coat, ripping the scarf from my neck
"So many damn clothes I can't feel you" he mumbled on my lips .
"It is winter " I whispered.
Finally the last button was forced open and the coat left my body with amazing speed crumpling on the floor . I was pulled into his body his hands running furiously over any inch of me that wasn't yet pressed against him .
After he had his fill he grabbed my arms and shoved me back . "I need to look at you . "
I too for my first good look at him that wasn't a close up blur as we kissed. I sighed and felt a tear fall "Dammit" I hissed hating the salty bastards that always made me feel weak.
He caught it on his thumb. "I missed you too." He grinned .
"Bellatrix " he spoke every syllable like a sacred prayer.
"Luce" I barely squeaked out, an ambush of emotions rising violently in my chest demanding release .
Love, pain , regret , loss, grief, joy , happiness , lust - all vying for position.
All I wanted to do was feel his body against mine but so much had changed in those months that I'd forsaken him. So much was between us, so many words unsaid.
"I'm sorry. I never wanted to be without you, but my marriage , my family. I felt I had to, I -"
"Shh" he put a finger to my lips.
I closed my eyes breathing deeply in the peace his presence afforded me. I breathed out a long breath through my nose releasing all those warring emotions in me, all the concerns id had over these long momentous months apart about how time and events might put barriers between us. I released it all into the atmosphere and focuses on him, his gentle touch on my lips . He, being the only one to be able to wield such impressive power over me to get me to quiet amidst a storm inside my mind.
I kissed his finger gently and he removed it.
"Good girl" he pulled me close again , one hand tangled in my hair holding my head close to his chest, the other hand wrapped around my waist pinning the rest of me to him.
"My Bella " he sighed , squeezing me even tighter .
The night was spent in a passionate tangle of limbs, our bodies one as though we'd never been parted.
With morning came the sun and a pang of regret. Something I hadn't felt on our rendezvous, at least not so acutely.
The deeper question - and one I've yet to answer - was for whom?
Who did I feel I was betraying- my husband or my lord.
Still I savored that sweet warmth that love brought. A warm embrace that I hadn't felt in months.
Rodolphus wouldn't touch me . Not lovingly . Even when we embraced it was hollow, void of the affection , the near worship Id so grown accustom.
I'd been had by my Lord but where lust abounded, love was in void .
In Lucius' arms the warmth my cold heart, frozen over by the winter of my soul, spurned on by the loss of all I held dear, needed was found.
I only wanted to stay in his arms forever but yet duty called.
No one, not even Lucius would keep me from fulfilling the desires of my Lord.
By noon I was back to head quarters.
The body that had writhed in pleasure now writhed in pain. My training continuing or perhaps just his perverse desire to see me in pain being fulfilled.
When my breath was taken by Cruciatus my mind went back to the breathlessness given by Lucius' warm kisses down my body. When I lay spasming from the searing burning wrenching of my ligaments I tried to trick my brain to call back the trembles of pleasure during our love making.
At the end of the day I survived - not just the sadistic torture labeled training but leaving the only deep love I had ever felt.
YOU ARE READING
The Madness of Bellatrix Lestrange
Fanfiction"No one becomes depraved all at once." "History is written by the Victors. " Or so they say. We triumphed much but in the end -victors we were not. Most of us received pardons for our ..."crimes". Surprisingly even I. What we didn't get was control...
