Crave- Niam BDSM

Chapter 43

Liam can feel his heart drop and in an instant he is grabbing Niall's wet cheeks in his hands and just staring at him. There was a beat of silence where Niall stared at Liam, and Liam stared back with a tint of fear in his eyes. Then he sighed softly and let go of Niall's cheek, his hands running through his perfect, brunette hair and took a step back his eyes fleeting to the side.

"You were right... are right," He says quietly and looks back at Niall. The blonde looks back at him with a confused frown, silently asking him to elaborate on his words.

Liam takes a deep intake of air and exhales it as deeply before stepping forward a little and staring straight into Niall's eyes, his eyes serious.

"... you're right about me...us...this," Liam says slowly, carefully, gauging Niall's expression closely. Niall tried to look back calmly even though the knot of dread in his stomach was expanding by every second; he had a very bad feeling about where this was going. He was positive things were just getting worse "...and I knew it all along... that I didn't ....I didn't deserve you," Liam says those words with his eyes downcast, and Niall's eyes grew a little bigger in surprise at the unexpected words "...but I was so used to getting what I wanted that I ignored it...I can't say that I regret anything that happened between us...other than me fucking things up over and over again...but..that's just who I am. I just want to let you know that.... I am sorry," He says with a small sigh as he looks at Niall, who didn't know what to make of this "...for everything. For dragging you into this complicated mess that's me... my life...Niall... I am no good at apologies, but you deserve one more than anyone."

Liam held a pause while Niall stares at the man standing before him, he felt dizzy and wary, and he knew this conversation wasn't heading in the right direction.

He speechlessly waited for Liam to continue.

"... As I said....you are right," Liam says and absentmindedly ran hands through his hair, a nervous habit of his. Niall just continues to stare because apparently he'd lost his voice.

" ... I am no good for you.... I can't be who you want me to be... I can't" as Liam says those words, he looked so uncomfortable and out of place, that Niall wanted to give him one big hug.

"I never wanted you to be anything, Liam" Niall says, his voice a little hoarse as he caught eyes with Liam and smiled softly at him. If he wanted Liam to be someone else then he would've left him a long time ago. "All I wanted was for us to work out."

Liam smiled half-heartedly and shook his head a little.

"Yeah, but apparently we can't," Liam's gaze was apologetic, and Niall wanted to say that they maybe could keep trying, but he caught himself.

Liam seemed to hesitate a little with his next words as he licked his lips and his eyes flickered over Niall's face.

"You're right. It's best if we stay apart...move on from each other."

Something hard and heavy hit Niall in the chest like a tidal wave; shock, pain, hurt? He wasn't sure other than his breath was caught in his throat and something familiar was warm and stinging in his eyes.

"I guess I can't keep holding on to you" Liam says avoiding Niall's eyes as he studied his feet. He took an inhale that made his chest heave and finally looked at Niall who was battling with emotions "And I've come to the realisation of how wrong I've been all along, and I have no right to hold on to you...so I am letting you go."

And there they were, the godforsaken tears blurred Niall's vision and he looked down so fast to hide his face that a couple managed to spill over, rolling down, hot against his cheek.

"It's what's best and what you want" Liam says and Niall wants to scream at him tell him it's not what he wants, it's never been what his wanted.

"Niall?" Liam voiced unsurely and worried.

Niall found himself wishing the floor would open up and swallow him so he didn't have to face this. He shouldn't be crying, he was the one that just ended their relationship. It should not hurt this much that Liam is just letting him go but God it does. It fucking hurts so much.

He clenched his eyes shut, taking a shaky breath of air, reminding himself this is what he wanted right? right?

Liam walked towards Niall and carefully lifted his chin.

Niall didn't even bother to control the shameful stream of tears and let them roll down, staining his cheek wet one by one. He stared mutely into Liam's worried features, and he hated himself and he hated Liam and he hated everything.

"Babe..."Liam's voice was soft, his touch gentle as he fruitlessly tried to dry the tears away only for new ones to replace them. Niall told himself he shouldn't be crying, shouldn't be crying, why won't the tears stop falling?

Why was he crying?

Niall jerked away from Liam's touch and frantically dried his eyes, doubtlessly getting them red and puffy.

"Baby?"

"No..no it's nothing... nothing," Niall whispered and stared away from Liam, unable to look at him without feeling like something was tearing at his chest. He scoffed a little bitterly and bit down his lip.

"It shouldn't hurt this much I'm the one ending it..." Niall chanced a glance at Liam who was just looking back at him with concern. "... no matter how much I try to convince myself this is whats best for me and I know it is I just cant stop myself from wanting this, wanting you and it isn't what I should want not after everything but I do..." Niall knew he was rambling and he didn't care, he really didn't care about anything right now.

Liam brushed his bangs away from his eyes, and Niall thought how dare he touch him like that when this was happening and he shouldn't be this close to him; shouldn't be so close that Niall could make out his breath, his scent, his warmth.

"I love you," Niall says, his cheeks wet. "... And it hurts... Loving you hurts Liam"

"That's why I can't keep doing this to you." Liam says stepping back and away from Niall.

"I'm sorry for everything" 

Niall clenched his dry eyes tightly shut and let out a shuddering breath, nodding.

"I am sorry too."

And then he heard the sound of his door closing and if Liam only knew
he was leaving with everything Niall had to offer.

Leaving Niall behind with nothing but a vacant space where his heart used to be.

I honestly dislike this chapter a lot but an update was necessary.