Crave- Niam BDSM

Chapter 44

For a while, Liam allows himself to mourn.

The halcyon days with Niall are over, but it's only now, now that Niall's gone, that he realises how far under his skin Niall got. It's like the scratchy loop of an old record, because everywhere he goes, everything he sees, Niall rolls off his tongue like a litany.

And he looks for Niall, too, cranes his neck whenever a boy with scruffy blonde hair walks past him on the street or hears a laugh in the distance that just could be Niall's, or someone smiles that bright smile that reminds Liam of sunshine and Niall Horan.

Niall Niall Niall Niall Niall.

He flies to LA for no reason, creates meetings with former clients just so he can get away from London before he suffocates to death. He spends a week driving around in the sun looking for Niall on every street corner, his heart freezing hopelessly whenever he spots a boy with hair the colour of gold and small, tight appendages, almost flinging himself out of the car in moments of breathless insanity.

Then he lies in bed, alone again, and in the absence of someone else, he wraps his arms around himself and slots his fingers into the gaps of the rungs of his spine, presses the pads of his fingertips into his back.

Niall used to love touching Liam's back.

***

"Get the fuck up."

Liam groans, presses his face into the mattress.

"Get the fuck up you piece of shit"

"Go away."

He yelps as he's drowned in light he hasn't seen in three days, bleating and throwing an arm over his eyes. Sophia yanks his arm back with long, sharp nails, and then slaps him hard across the face, hard enough that tears sting in the back of Liam's eyes.

"What the fuck, Soph!"

Sophia just glares at him, arms crossed over her chest. "Are you kidding me, Li? Why didn't you tell me you were in LA two weeks ago?"

"I was – I was just trying to clear my head –"

Sophia snorts, then rolls her eyes. "You know you're acting like a complete moron right now. Everyone's worried."

"Who is everyone?" Liam asks flatly, pressing his fingers against his temple. "Have you had CNN ringing you up for an exclusive?"

"Don't get smart, Liam. You've disappeared off the radar, of course people are gonna talk. Fuck – even your mum's been ringing me up!"

"Oh, great."

Liam pulls the duvet over his head and burrows down as far as he can beneath it, curling up into a ball.

"Stop being so pathetic and get the fuck out of bed," Sophia snaps. "I didn't fly all the way here for you to act like a child."

" I didn't ask you to come," Liam replies petulantly, but it's muffled by the duvet, which Sophia then tugs off again, throwing the whole thing to the floor. Liam cowers in the centre of the mattress in his underwear, flinching away from her.

"You are aware that you're like, an adult man, right? You're acting like you're fourteen."

" I don't care,"Liam wails, batting away Sophia's hand when she reaches out towards him. "I don't care about anything anymore."

Sophia looks vaguely sick. "Oh, calm down, Romeo."

Liam doesn't reply, just stares pathetic and wide-eyed at Sophia with a wobbling lower lip, and so Sophia sighs and climbs onto the bed beside him, knocking Liam's elbow gently with her fist.

They sit in companionable silence for a while. Sophia even plays with Liam's hair a bit, which is nice of her, but flicks her nails against Liam's red cheek when he moans about her slapping it.

"Grow up."

"Says the one who slapped me."

"Someone had to!"

"What kind of fucked up logic is that?"

Sophia sighs, tugging at Liam's hair harder than necessary. "You know, I was thinking."

"Hmm?"

"You love Niall. Like, actually love him."

Liam tenses. "I know."

"Not in the way you loved Harry. It's not desperate infatuation. It's, like, proper love."

"Yes," Liam says through gritted teeth.

"We're getting out of here. You can't just disappear Liam, you have responsibilities, a fucking company to run."

Liam sighs. "I know"

"You gotta start making some changes. If you want to keep Niall in your life you have to show him that you're not going to continue to hurt him the way you have, you need to show him you care because I don't think he knows how much he actually means to you. Show him you love him Liam. Get your fucking shit together before it's too late not only for Niall but for yourself."

There's a moment of breathless hesitancy in which Liam considers this. And Liam doesn't like to remember, but for some reason, he thinks of waking up in the middle of the night once and holding Niall's ankle, just wrapping his entire hand around it, and he remembers thinking perversely that he could snap it if he wanted to. Then he looked up, and Niall was fast asleep, not a splayed out mess of limbs like Liam sleeps but a neat arrangement of limbs, curled up like a small comma. When most people sleep, their faces are more innocent and more open, unguarded only in unconsciousness, but Niall's just looks the same. Half of Liam wanted to rope off the bed and create an exhibition out of him, charge people a hundred dollars a head to come and stare at this magnificent creation, this miracle of a person who had ended up naked in Liam's sheets with Liam's long fingers holding tightly to his skinny ankle like a rope. And the other half wanted to find a way to be covered in Niall, to wrap him around his entire body like a coat until he was invisible, until all people saw was Niall and Liam was inside him, a secret, safe.

"What if it's not enough?" Liam asks, scared of the answer. "What if it's not enough for him? What if I'm not enough?"

Sophia shrugs. "I'm as clueless as you are, Li."