Exit Wounds- A Niall Horan Fan-Fiction

Chapter 41

Niall’s POV:

                I threw my fists at the wall, I deserved to be hurt. I deserved to be dead because I have hurt the only girl I have ever cared about. I threw my fists at the wall again, this time harder as I felt the wall bend beneath my knuckles. That is when the sudden reality, the full extent of what I have done, set into my mind.

                I just hurt the only person who I have ever truly loved….

                I realized how much of a monster I was then, no matter how much she had previously said otherwise. How could she deny me of something I have known my entire life? I was weak, I was a freak, I was unloved, and what I think is worst; I was alone. She would be gone soon and I would be alone. Of course there is no way in Hell I will let her ex take her…but once she realizes the extent of her freedom she will leave. It’s not safe for her to be around me anyway.

                I groaned as her eyes flashed in my memory like a strobe light. Why did they have to be so accepting and what’s worse, it’s like she understood! How could she ever understand what it was like to be a monster that people fear in fairy tales?! It’s like the monster that kidnaps the princess and is later slayed by a handsome prince in a valiant effort to win the maidens heart. How can she act as if she knows what it is like to be inside my mind?

                My mind; it’s a dark and unforgiving place filled with demons, shrieking to be let out in new ways as they swim throughout my veins and claw at my soul. And then this girl comes along, innocent as ever except for the scars on her body, and she acts as if she understands the way I think. It was an absolute absurd thought to even think of but I knew she understood. My question was, how?

                I felt my breathing quicken and I went and grabbed my baseball bat hidden in the supply closet and I walked to the bathroom mirror, smashing it as hard as I could. As the glass shattered and fell to the ground, I felt my heart do the same. I hurt Nani, the girl whom I loved more than anything in this world, including myself. I felt a tear slide down my cheek so I slammed the bat hard into where the remaining glass stood.

                I breathed harder, forcing the tears away so I would not allow myself to cry. The time for being weak has passed. Once the glass had left the wall, I dropped the bat, slamming my fists into it and then punching the sink, anything just to feel pain. No, I was doing this so I could feel anything. My body felt numb to the world.

                I knew before I hurt myself further, that I should go and make sure Nani was okay. There would be no broken bones, I knew that already. Just some bruises and she would have a headache. I panted as I walked into the bedroom, looking at her lying on the floor breathing softly as if she were sleeping.

                I felt my heart skip at least a couple beats before I walked over to her. I was scared to touch her, as if I would break her with the slightest brush of my fingers, but I knew it had to be done. I slowly scooped her up into my arms and walked over to the bed, laying her down and removing almost all of her clothes. I went down to the kitchen and got some ice before returning and putting it on some bruises and her head. I then wrapped her in a warm blanket and hesitated before quickly kissing her forehead and darting out of the room before I could do any more damage.

                I went and sat on the couch, shaking from inner anger that was building up inside of me. To save Nani’s life from my own fear, I had to hurt her. Now to keep her safe….I would to stay away from her. I rested my head in my hands, despair adding onto the anger.

                Harry was right, there would never be love for a man like me.