Open Up (OHSHC)

Chapter 23: Selfish

(Before reading I suggest you play a low, soft, sad song to play in the background. It gives it a better affect...Or pick some from the side, otherwise carry on. )

The snow coated the outside pavement with ease, making the lawn look like a blanket of white. It was beautiful with blue-grey skies and naked roads. It was amazing to watch in the warmth and comfort of your own home.

"Tess...?" Hikaru got my attention back.

"Yes?" I asked his golden eyes.

His hands were that familiar cold that made my hair stand at end.

"Why do you like me?"

It was a question I didn't have an answer for. Sure, you could say he was a charmer, with white teeth and expensive cologne. But it was a different theory that I wasn't done experimenting with. It had to be the way we connected.

"Connected...?" I whispered to myself.

"What?" The boy purred.

I was completely confused by my own subconscious. We connected, sure, but how? Why?

The answer was there, sitting in between my legs. I was just making out with the answer. Hikaru was the answer, not just who he was, but he was. He was a twin, like me. It was the answer I didn't want it to be.

I was masked by his good looks and smooth charm to realize the only reason I liked this boy was because we were, for lack of a better term, two of the same.

Being the blundering idiot I never understood this until now. What if he wasn't a twin, would I still like him all the same? It couldn't be true!

"No.. No, no!" I gripped my head and shook it madly. I wasn't having it, not now.

I honestly thought I would end up happy with someone who could get me, who could understand. But that's the reason I gravitated to him. They way he COULD understand me, how if I told him my story he would GET my pain.

I didn't like him for him, I like for what he could do for me. He could 'fill' my empty void of my lost twin. I was using him. I needed him to pity my existence. I wanted him to fill up my loneliness.

He wanted me for a different reason, the right reason. I was just some selfish girl who wanted a boy to 'complete' her. And he would have, for all the wrong reasons.

"What!? What's wrong? Are you ok?" I was shaking and crying and howling.

He didn't need to care for me, he wanted to. I was just using his love to help me work through life.

"Tess!" He shook me trying to win my attention.

"I can't! I won't! I shouldn't! It's all my fault I'm so selfish."

Indeed I was, I was selfish, I didn't save my sister. I took out everything in my life that reminded me of her and boxed it up in closets and cabinets, to one day pull them out for the memories. I was selfish, I wore the necklace she gave me everyday without telling her story and using it to help others, not help myself. I destroyed everything she tried to build. I just wanted to be her. I had dyed my hair and wore contacts to hide away from who I truly wanted to be. Killing her and her memories, yes, I was a purely selfish bitch who wanted no one in.

"Tess, please!" He held me close. Wanting to heal me, to make me pure. I just couldn't, I would always have this desire to become my dead sister. The safe zone, where filling out the void of my sister would make my life full and lively.

"Tess.." Hikaru whispered into my ear.

I pushed off him, off of the couch and onto the floor. I ran away from his still figure, frightened on the couch. Cocking his head at my odd outburst.

"You... You need to get away from me!" I wiggled a finger at him.

His eyes turned to hurt, like I was the one picking a fight with him. I was done with fighting I needed correction.

"What?" He stood up form the couch to make his way to me but I stopped him.

I let tears fall down my face. "I'm a selfish love-sucker, you need to get away from me. You'll be safer if you leave me."

His eyes turned to confusion. "What are you even talking about?"

This was never about any 'love' factor, all I wanted was the lust feeling of being wanted. All I cared for was attention and someone to fill my lonely selfish void. I was a monster. A cold blooded monster.

"I need someone, an I'm just using you to fill the void. All I wanted was a body. Your kindness has been waisted on me. I'm a horrible person." I fell to the ground covering my face in my wet tears.

"You're not a horrible person, your a lovely girl. If you were so horrible why would I want to-" Hikaru stopped himself and cover his blush.

"No you don't understand!" I was hysterical.

"Then tell me."

I looked up into his gold eyes, and whispered. "I'm trying to fill the void I my sister."

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Wow, just wow. I literally had to stop writing this because I started crying. I was just so sad. OMG, just tell me your feels and how you think Hikaru is going to reach, stay by Tess's side or go? Thank you so much for giving me over 70 followers! I love you all! Thank you again, bie!!