Divergent | No War

66 - Prisoned

Tris
I pace up and down my cell. My mind is ticking and working all the time. I keep rethinking the whole talk wth Tobias.
He can't have ment what he said. I just don't believe it.
But another part of me yells at me at how stupid I am to ever trust him. Maybe everything about him was a lie. But I don't believe that.
I try to silence that part. I have to trust him. My Tobias. My love. No one could act that good. No one. I want to believe that they made him say it. That he didn't have another option if he wants to save me. And he promised. He said he wouldn't let them throw me into jail. He said that just a few weeks ago.
Again I feel tears behind my eyes but I try and suceed to push them away. I won't cry because of him. I won't cry until i have certainity.
My arm slides around my stomach. His child. It's his child that I am carrying.
I press my forehead against the cold stone wall. It doesn't soothe the constant throbing pain behind my skull.
He acted it. I saw the troubled look in his eyes. You're a fool! My inner voice chastises me. He didn't act. He wanted to hurt you and he did. He meant every word.
I shake my head. No, no, no.
He is the only chance I have of ever coming out of here. Why would he marry me if it was fake? Why would he be happy about a baby if it was fake? I can't believe it. I won't believe it.
I'll give him a week. If he didn't give me a sign till then I'll try and make my own plan. I won't get my baby in a cell. I won't. I'll try to contact my parents or something like that.
That sounds good. Like a plan. I have to calm down. Panicking isn't good for the baby. I think...
Oh god what do I do if something bad happens to the baby now. There isn't a doctor available for me. No where. I point a finger at my stomach. "You will have to be a perfectly healthy baby. Did you get that?"
Of course no one answers and I sink back against the wall and stare at the small light bulb which is the only thing that prevents me from complete and utter darkness.
Everything is going to be fine. Tobias will help me out of here and then we'll run away. We'll go beyond the wall and meet whoever is out there.
I nod. And if Tobias doesn't come then I'll figure out a way out here alone.
I nod again. I feel more reassured now. Making a plan is good. It feels good.

At some point my door opens and a guard steps in. He carries a try full of food. He sets it down on the small table next to the hard bed. "Thank you." I say, although the last thing I want to do is thank the people who keep me in here but maybe if I'm nice then they'll treat me better.
He nods and then leaves again. I think I've seen him before. Probably in the pit somewhere.
I sit on the bed and put the tray on my lab. It looks okay. Not to good but I guess it's something from the last lunch or dinner.
I don't even know what the time is because they took my clock away from me.
I take a spoon full of the soup. It tastes good. Like normal dauntless food.
After I ate I lean back against the wall again. I have no idea what to do. I have no books, no paper, no nothing. Just plain stone wall, a hard small mattress on the floor and a small table for my food.
For a bit of time I play with the tray and the fork and the spoon. I don't think being here would be as worse as it is if I had something to do. Or at least some connection to the outer world.
I lay down on the bed and try to find a comfortable position. Soon I fall into a light slumber.
I dream of Tobias. He talks to me but never shows me his eyes. He keeps looking away. But at the same time I have an urgent need to see his eyes so I keep begging at him to show me his eyes and just when he is about to, I wake up.
I look around the room franticly. I just want to see Tobias. Right now. I want him to hold me. To love me. I want all of this to be a sick, bad joke. I pull my knees to my chest and slowly rock back and forth. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ok, no. I will pull myself together now. I won't panick. This is just because of the nightmare. Tobias will come. I am sure of it. He will come.