Believe in Me

Chapter 2

Anna's POV

I woke up with a massive headache. I didn't know where I was. I slowly opened my eyes to let them adjust to the bright lights. There was a nurse tapping chords to my skin. "What happened?" 

"You had a seizure" she said as she walked out of the room. When she got into the hallway I could hear her say "She's awake, you can go and see her." Alyssa and her parents walked into the room. Alyssa tried to grab my hand but I pulled it away. She explained that I had had a seizure that they couldn't get to stop so they put me out for a couple hours while they ran tests. She turned the TV on and it was on a news channel. The headline was "21 people found dead at sea after cruise ship sinking" She quickly flipped the TV off. "What was that?"

"What was what?" she replied

I grabbed the remote and flicked on the TV. It showed a list of the names of the bodies they had found. I scanned through the names and found just what I was hoping not to find. All of them were dead. My mom, my grandma, my brother, and my sister... dead. I didn't know what to do. I thought I would feel some kind of extreme sadness or grief, but I just sat there numb. I felt warm arms wrap around me. I tried to cry but nothing came out. The voices in my head started "They left you there to die on the ship, they didn't really love you, you should be the one dead not them, you know how to get rid of the numbness."

Alyssa's POV

Anna had woken up. After explaining what happened to her I turned on the TV. I instantly regretted it. The doctors weren't sure what cause her seizure but they said it could've been stress related so they needed to keep her heart rate down so she didn't have another one. I flicked off the TV hoping she hadn't seen what I had just seen. I guess she did because she took the remote from me and turned the TV back on blankly staring at the screen. I didn't know what to do. The heart rate monitor began beeping faster. I wrapped my arms around her hoping to calm her down. Her breathing was shallow. I think she was having a panic attack. I knew she used to get those when she was younger, but I hadn't seen her have one in a few years. I held onto her until she calmed down. She asked me to help her get the chords detached from her so she could go to the restroom so I did.

Anna's POV

Alyssa unclasped the monitor from me and I made my way to the restroom looking for something sharp on the way. Thankfully I still had my clothes on instead of the hospital gown and I found a blade in my pocket. I made a few slits on my hips over the old scars and instantly felt relief. I wasn't numb anymore. I felt the tears roll down my face and the blood drip down my leg. I snapped out of my thoughts and quickly cleaned myself up before making my way back to my room so Alyssa wouldn't get suspicious. When I got to the room I was expecting only Alyssa to be in there and maybe a nurse doing their rounds but the room was filled with doctors all waiting on me. I think I stood in the door way and stared for a minute because Alyssa came running to me to help me get back in bed. "We got the test results back," one of the doctors said avoiding eye contact with me. I felt Alyssa reach for my hand but I pulled it away before she could grab it so she put her hand on my shoulder instead. "Telling someone this is never easy," there was a long pause. I could feel my chest getting tight. "You have stage 4 medulloblastoma."

"W-whats t-t-that?" I said trying to keep my breathing normal.

"It's a highly aggressive form of brain cancer. The tumor is putting pressure on your brain causing seizures." I didn't hear anything after the word cancer came out. I felt Alyssa squeeze my hand. She was fighting back tears. I don't know why. I was the one who just found out their family was dead and that they were going to die too. "You have the choice to either fly out to California where there is the top team of pediatric brain surgeons and oncologists and have the tumor removed or live your life to the fullest for the last few weeks you have left." My demons were telling me to go with the second option. "There is a 15% chance that will survive the surgery and a 2% chance that it will completely get rid of the tumor. If you get through the surgery you will go through 6 months of radiation and chemotherapy hopefully putting you into remission, then you will take a small dose of chemotherapy in pill form for 2 years to hopefully keep it from returning." I couldn't believe it. They were talking about my life like it was nothing. "I'll give you a few minutes to think about it." All the doctors left the room and I saw Alyssa's parents follow them. I forgot they were even here. Alyssa just held my hand and we sat there in silence. I could hear her parents telling the doctors that I no longer had a family. Once again I was numb.

The doctors cam back in ready for my decision. "I'll go with the surgery," I said secretly hoping I wouldn't make it through. Everyone started making arrangements for me. A social worker came in to explain that I would be flown out to L.A. in the morning where my foster parents would pick me up and take me to the hospital. I would have 2 days to be prepared for surgery and then things would go from there. 

Obviously I didn't really sleep that night. The one thing that kept me calm was know it was all going to be over soon. I would be reunited with my family and away from all of my problems.