Believe in Me

Chapter 32

Anna's POV

"Why?" Demi asked. I knew this was coming. I don't even know what to say to her. I completely broke last night. How am I supposed to explain everything to her when I don't even understand it all myself?

"I- I um... I don't know," I said. It came out high pitched from me crying. 

"Yes you do. You just don't want to think about why. You think you don't know why, but you really do. I've been there before Anna. Please just try to explain it to me," she said. Was she like reading my mind or something. I thought for a minute about what I should tell her and what I should leave out. I played back everything in my head trying to figure out where to start. I didn't realize how hard I was crying until I felt Demi pull me closer to her. She was rubbing my back and hugging me. "I know it's hard, but you can get through this and I will be here right by your side the entire time," she had a way of making me feel safe and comfortable. I pulled away from the hug. Her arm was still wrapped around me and she squeezed my hand with her other hand. I could feel her staring at me, but I don't want to look up to her. 

"I don't know where to start," I admitted truthfully still softly crying. She let go of my hand to wipe the tears off of my face, leaving my hand resting in her lap. She laid her hand back down on top of mine and rubbed the back of my hand with her thumb.

"Start from the beginning. Tell me everything baby girl," I nodded and took a deep breath. I can do this.

"Well I guess everything started when my parents got divorced. I was 7 and I heard my parents screaming at each other once my dad got home from work like usual. I just couldn't take it anymore. I ran up to my room and locked myself in. I took my sister's razor and I uh- I cut for the first time. That night my mom told me about the divorce,"

Demi's POV

She started this when she was only 7!? I had no idea it was that bad. "After the divorce things just went in a downwars spiral. My dad started..." she paused. "Um he started abusing me when I had visitation with him. I didn't tell anyone because I thought it was normal," why did she hesitate so much? I feel like she's not telling me something still. I let it go though. "When I was 8 my mom started to notice how um, how messed up I was so she took me to a psychiatrist. I was put on anti-depressants which didn't help. My mom thought that they just magically fixed all of my problems and she thought I was faking being sad for attention so she started to get angry at me a lot. The anti depressants stunted my growth and made me gain weight. I started getting bullied in 2nd grade. That was the first time I uh- you know," I nodded at her sympathetically. I could tell she was struggling to tell me all of this, but I didn't want to stop her. She was finally opening up to me. "Anyway everything just kept getting worse. I was alone. I stayed locked up in my room watching TV or crying most of the time. That's when I first saw you on TV. You were my favorite person on Disney Channel. I was still really young so I didn't know much about you yet. When I was 9 you went into treatment. I didn't understand why even though I was struggling with the same things as you. I didn't realize that there was anything wrong with what I was doing. Right before you got out of treatment my Grandpa died. I had just turned 10. I just kept getting worse until you got out of treatment. I kind of got a Twitter without my mom knowing and started following you. You made things a little better. Your music gave me a reason to live," I was now silently crying. "Fast forward a couple more years of bullying, fighting, and everything else and then the accident happened and you know the rest," she finished. I could tell she was still keeping stuff from me.

"Baby, I'm really sorry you had to go through all of that, but I know you're still keeping stuff from me and you didn't really answer my question," I said. She still wouldn't look at me.

"I'm sorry I uh- I just- ugh! why does this have to be so hard!" she said pulling away from me and leaning forward with her elbows on her knees and her head resting in her hands I heard her start crying again. I started rubbing her back again.

"I know it's hard, and I know you've been through a lot. I've been through hell and back too, so I know how it feels. You know you can trust me since I've been through it. I may not have gone through as much as you have been through, but that doesn't mean I don't understand it because I do," I said. "Why did you decide to tell me last night?" I asked.

"When I was told I had cancer and given my options I choose the surgery hoping I would die in it and everything would just end. I didn't want to live anymore. I wanted it all to be over, but I was to much of a chicken to just kill myself," my heart wrenched when she said that. "I met Jake when I got to the hospital here and he basically made me audition for X Factor. He told me right before surgery that I made it to the celebrity auditions and it gave me the will to live again knowing I was going to meet you, my idol," I felt myself blushing and I had a huge smile on my face now. Anna looked at me and smiled then went back to talking. "Being able to be around you made things easier. I really wanted to just tell you everything, but I was scared and didn't want to bother you. I thought you'd hate me if I started bugging you with my problems,"

"You know I would never hate you no matter what you do baby girl," I interrupted.

"Now I do. Anyway, after Jake died I planned on um... committing suicide. I was going to wait until after X Factor was over so if I did win I could at least donate the money first. Then everything changed when you decided to foster me. I wanted to live again and I wanted to get better. I promised myself I wouldn't cut or purge or anything so I wouldn't bother you with my problems. I was doing really good. I had been clean for a whole week, but when you weighed me and saw that I gained 2 pounds I thought you were disappointed in me. I went and cried myself to sleep. I had a dream about the first time I purged and it triggered me. I woke up and tried to control the urges, but I couldn't. I couldn't break the promise I made to myself either. I didn't know what else to do, so I came to you," she finished. I was shocked. I'm so proud of her for coming to me instead of purging or cutting. That takes a lot of strength.

"Thank you for coming to me baby. You are going to recover and I'm going to be right by your side the entire time. We will get through this together my little warrior!" I said smiling as I hugged her trying to lighten the mood some.

"I love you Demi,"

A/N

Yay 2.2k views! Thank you guys so much! So Demi knows everything now... well mostly everything. Any guesses on how she's going to find out about what Anna's dad and foster dad really did to her?