Believe in Me

Chapter 29

Demi's POV

Nick came over for dinner again last night. He made his famous chili cheese egg casserole for us. It was really good. I made Anna eat it all and then she asked if she could go up to her room. I thought going to your room was supposed to be punishment for kids? Anna spends so much time in her room it's crazy. I want to know what she does up there, but I don't want to be nosy. She probably writes music or something. Anyway, me and Nick ate dinner and then hung out for a little while until it got late and he left. I really like him a lot. He isn't pushy like some of my past boyfriends and we've been friends from the start so he knows me like the back of his hand. After Nick left I was going to go talk to Anna, but she was already sleeping. Sometimes she would get in really good moods and be really happy and funny, but most of the time she's really quite and secluded. I've noticed that she's been getting really frustrated with herself every time she does something wrong. I don't know if it's just her way of grieving, or what's going on. 

I'm making breakfast in the kitchen and Anna's still sleeping. I'm planning on taking her shopping today because she doesn't have much stuff since she hasn't been feeling up to going out places much. She still has trouble eating solid foods. I'm not sure why. She shouldn't still feel sick from the chemo should she? It's been about a week since she's been finished. I juices some fruits and vegetables and make her a protein shake for her breakfast. I ate a bowl of cereal and then drank some of the juice I made for Anna. Anna came down the stairs. Her eyes were swollen and she looked really tired. "Hey Anna. How'd you sleep?" I asked her.

"Fine," she said rubbing her eyes. I felt like she was lying. She has been tired all the time recently. I try to check on her during the night and every time I check on her she's sleeping, but I still don't think she's sleeping through the night or she wouldn't be this tired.

"Good, why don't you go get ready real quick. I have your breakfast made down here so once you're ready we can leave and you can drink it in the car," I said.

"Okay, thanks. Where are we going?" she asked.

"To the mall," I said enthusiastically. I couldn't tell if she was exited or nervous. She went back upstairs to get ready.

"DEMI! WHERE'S MY WIG?" I heard her yell down the stairs a few minutes later. I don't think she's going to take this too well. She stood at the top of the stairs glaring at me now.

"I don't think you need it so I'm not going to let you wear it anymore. I can tell it's uncomfortable and itchy because you always mess with it when you have it on. You look just as pretty without it. I don't want you to think you have to wear fake hair to be pretty," I explained.

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! I NEED MY WIG DEMI, PLEASE! IF YOU DON'T GIVE IT TO ME I'M NOT GOING!" she yelled down the stairs. Why couldn't she see how gorgeous she was without it?

"I'm sorry Anna, but I'm not going to let you wear it anymore. You don't need it. You're gorgeous," I said starting to walk up the stairs to her.

"NO I'M NOT! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, YOU NEVER WILL, BECAUSE YOU ARE PERFECT AND EVERYONE CAN SEE IT!" my heart wrenched at her words. She really believes that she isn't pretty without her wig. She took off running away from my I chased after her, but got the door slammed in my face. I decided to let her cool off some before I went in to talk to her. After about 5 minutes I cracked the door open to her room. She was laying in her bed curled up in a ball. "I'm so sorry Demi, I shouldn't have blown up at you. I'm so stupid. Please don't send me to a group home!" she pleaded while crying. I ran over to her and laid down with her hugging onto her tight. 

"Baby girl, I would never do that to you! I love you and I'm not mad at you. I just need you to trust me. You don't need that wig Anna," I said.

"Yes, I do," she let out weakly.

"No you don't. Now come on lets go shopping!" I said trying to change the mood.

"I'm not going," Anna cried.

"Yes, you are baby. You'll be fine!" 

"No, Demi. You don't get it! Look, you have a whole head of hair, you're pretty much perfect. You'll never get it," she said breaking my heart again.

"Hair isn't what defines beauty Anna. You're gorgeous and I'm not perfect either," she shook her head. "If I shave part of my head will you stop wearing your wig?" I bargained. Truthfully I've been kind of wanting to get a side cut. Anna looked at me with wide eyes.

"You would really do that?" she asked.

"Of course," I replied and she agreed to the deal. I called my stylist to come over and made Anna eat, or should I say drink her breakfast while we waited. Once my stylist got there we all went into the bathroom. My stylist tied up the side of my hair into a pony tail and handed a pair of shears to me.

"Chop it off," she directed. I handed the scissors to Anna to chop it off for me. She took them and held them over the hair for the longest time.

"Are you sure Demi?" she asked shakily. I nodded. She waited again for a long time.

"Oh my God just do it!" I said and took the scissors from her hand chopping the chunk of hair off. Anna gasped and threw her hand over her mouth.

"Oh my God Demi, you really didn't have to," Anna said. I pulled her into my lap. She obviously felt really bad for making me want to do that.

"I know, I wanted to," I reassured her and handed her the chunk of pink hair. My stylist started shaving it. I actually ended up really liking it. "What do you think?" I asked Anna.

"It looks great!" she said. 

"See I told you hair doesn't define beauty," I said and she hugged me. My stylist cleaned up and then left when me and Anna left to go to the mall. Max was waiting for us outside.

When we got to the mall there were paparazzi everywhere. I took Anna's hand and held it tight as Max made us a path through the paparazzi. The paparazzi weren't allowed in the mall, but there were some screaming fans. We took pictures with them and then started shopping. I was surprised Anna hadn't had an anxiety attack. I asked Anna what stores she likes and she just shrugged her shoulders. I took her into Top Shop and told her to look around. I watched her closely. She would see something she likes and then she would look at the price tag and put it back. I could tell she didn't want to spend my money, but I have plenty of it so it isn't a big deal. I went through the store and gathered a pile of the clothes I saw her pick up and then put back down and then I made her try them on. She went into the dressing room. "Uh Demi, they're all kind of big," she said after a couple minutes.

"Come out, let me see," I replied. She opened the door with a pair of jeans and a shirt on that she was pretty much swimming in. We both kind of laughed. "Go change and lets go to a store with kids sizes," I said. She agreed with me and then changed. We went to Tilly's next and went back to the kids section. I was pretty much shopping for her because she did the same thing here that she did in Top Shop. I picked out a bunch of clothes in a size 12 and gave them to her to try on. They were all too big. I got her a size 10 in everything. Still too big. Finally we found her size. She wears a size 6 in shirts and 6 slim in pants. That's so tiny for a 13 year old. We went to a couple more clothing stores that sold kid clothes and I bought her stuff. Then we went to the apple store and got her a new laptop and the new Iphone since hers was a cracked Iphone 4. She tried to stop me, but I wouldn't let her. After that we went to PB Teen and picked out new stuff for her bedroom. She thanked me like a million times on the way home and I helped her put everything away when we got home. We ate lunch at the mall and for dinner I ordered pizza. After we ate Anna went up to her room and I stayed downstairs and worked for a few hours. It was 9:00 pm now so I went to check on Anna. Of course she was already asleep. I took a shower and then went to my room and got on Twitter until I fell asleep too.

A/N

So yeah this is a filler chapter... I hope it's not terrible. I'm trying not to go into too much detail with self harm and stuff because I don't want it to be too triggering for some people.