Rebel: A Monstercat Fanfic

048 - Crossroad

Song of the Chapter: Kaleidoscope - Kasbo (Future Bass)
Words - Feint ft. Laura Brehm (DnB)

Also I found this Tumblr post and it kind of explains Phantom's previous attitude about dating - he's the first guy

(Noisestorm's POV)

I rest my head back against the wall and close my eyes, trying to calm my racing heart. Phantom's kiss still lingers on my lips, so I wipe my mouth with my hand again. That was the most uncomfortable thing I've ever done. Kissing him felt so unnatural, like I was breaking some unspoken rule. I know neither of us had a choice, and neither of us wanted it, but I saw something in his eyes when it happened. It wasn't fear or anger or disgust, like me. It was something else. Something completely new. The way he looked at me makes me nervous.

I think about it a little more and then I realize something. He looked at me the way I catch myself looking at Eveelyn. I look at her and wish with all my heart that I could make up for everything I've done. I look at her and my heart aches, because I thought she was going to be someone else I could turn to. I want someone to kiss me like she did, like she's there to love me for who I am instead of who she'd wish I'd be. I've had too many girls do that to me. I look at her and I feel jealous, because she made up with Rogue so easily, and now that they're so perfect together, I know I'll never be able to love her like he does. Because of that, I try my best to bury my feelings down where I won't be able to find them, but they still rise to the surface every time I see them talking.

I saw something like this in Phantom's eyes. He wants to fix everything he did to hurt me, and I know and appreciate that he's trying. There's a little jealousy, though I'm not sure why he would be jealous of me. But the most obvious similarity is that he's trying to hide his feelings. He doesn't want anyone to know. I'm confused. I didn't know he had feelings for me. I could tell he was embarrassed, so I don't want to confront him about it, but at the same time ...

I look over to see him sitting by himself, shaking from his fear of heights. He's drumming his fingers on his knee, thinking hard. Hopefully he's not freaking himself out over being up here. I want to go and help him, because after all, we are best friends, but it only takes another glance to remember Nitro and Rogue. I rub my mouth again, even though I know there's nothing there. I'm afraid to talk to him now, so soon after that incident, and if Phantom really does have feelings for me, I don't want them teasing him about it. I know it's awkward for him already, and I don't want to make it worse, especially since it's so obviously new.

"Hey," Eveelyn says, suddenly by my side. I turn to look at her and feel that tug on my heart again. "I'm sorry that happened to you."

I shrug a little, still hurting inside. "It's not your apology I'm waiting for, but thanks anyway." As an afterthought, I quietly add, "And I'm sorry for everything I've done to you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean how I've made you afraid of me. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

"I'm not afraid of you," she denies, but her eyes give it away.

I sigh and stuff my hands in my pockets. I knew it. I destroyed any future relationship we might have had.

"And ... Noisestorm?" she says softly, hesitantly.

I glance at her.

She takes a deep breath, holding onto her necklace like her life depends on it. It looks like she can't find the courage to say what she wants. That nervousness makes my breath catch in my throat in anticipation. "I'm sorry," she mutters after a moment, "for those times I wasn't. I realize that I hurt you a lot, tricking you like that, and then I tried to push the thoughts away because they made me uncomfortable. I knew I needed to apologize, but I was afraid of what you'd do. I was afraid of admitting I was wrong. I'm sorry."