If I'm Louder; A Harry Styles fanfic

chapter 4

Zayn calls for a car to take them back to Louis’s flat. The four boys say goodbye and head out the door. As soon as the door closes behind them I give Harry the evil eye. “What?” He asks, slightly confused. “When were you going to tell me, Harry?” I ask getting angered by the fact that he told me just yesterday that he was staying for a month before the next tour started.

“I was going to tell you when I got here, that’s why I sent the boys to get some food, so we could have some time to talk. But then other stuff started happening before I could tell you and then the boys showed up sooner then I hoped for.” Harry tries to explain. I stand there quietly, waiting for him to go on. “I wanted to tell you in the laundry room, but…” he continues, then stops looking at the ground.

“But what Harry?” I say, sounding more annoyed then what I planned on. I hated that i was fighting with my best friend over something this stupid, but then again it wasn’t so stupid when i thought about it. My best friend would be leaving in just a few short days and wouldn’t return home for a few months. I had the right to be mad that he didn’t tell me right away that we only have a few days left together before he went across the world.

“I guess I was scared Brianna. I was scared that if i told you, you would freak out at me like you are now.” Harry snaps. “I’m sorry that i didn’t want you hurting this whole week before me and the boys left. I wanted to make this a week that we would remember through the whole time that I was away.” He says to me in a huff.

I stand there staring at my best friend. I feel tears welt up in my eyes, but ignore them and walk into the kitchen. I hear Harry’s foot falls behind me. “I’m sorry that i didn’t tell you right away BriBri.” He persists.

“It’s fine Harry. I should get use to the fact that your schedule is going to change a lot, and there’s hardly enough room for me in it anymore now that you are the big famous ‘Harry Styles.’” I retort. I look over to see Harry’s mouth drop, his lip quivering just a wee bit.

He was going to cry. “I- I” is all that comes out of his mouth. “What Harry? You’re sorry again? It’s fine love, i know you are a busy man now. Gotta tour the whole world and sleep with every pretty girl you see. You don’t need to apologize any more, i get it.” By the time I stop talking, i wish so desperately that i could take it all back. I wish I could just restart the whole day, restarting with Harry, only knowing that he likes me as a best friend because it would make this whole thing a hell of a lot easier.

But my wish doesn’t come and those words come out of my mouth. When they do it’s like the world slowed down, making me able to see every single emotion play across his face in just the matter of seconds.

Surprised, hurt, sad, betrayal, astonishment, torn, but the two that stayed firm on his face were anger and heart broken. “You know what Brianna Rae Basset? Fuck you. Simon wanted us to go to America today, but I was the one who basically begged him to let us have a small break because i wanted to see my best friend, the only one who has been there for me my whole life besides my family. He said one week because he knew just how much you meant to me.” Harry pauses to catch his breath.

The word “meant” ringing in my head. “meant to him, meant, not mean, meant.” The tears start coming faster, flooding my eyes, burning them from my mascara. Harry’s cheeks were flushed, his eyes puffy from crying. He continues. “But you aren’t even grateful for the one week we had to spend with each other, no you just want to bitch me out for not telling you the tour was moved up. I was scared to tell you that Brianna, but you couldn’t see that!” he yells at me.

“I’m sorry Harry.” I wimper quietly. “No Brianna, I’m the one who always has to be sorry. I’m sorry that I want to live my dream and can’t take you with me on every single tour or time we leave the country. I’m sorry that i like to go out and party, and drink. I’m sorry that after i drink i might take a girl back to my suite with me. But you know, then again I’m not sorry because you are just upset that my life is finally getting so much better than yours.” He says as he reaches for the door and yanks it open.

“Goodbye Brianna” he says angerly, walking out of my flat. I end up on the floor of my kitchen when the door closes behind him. I sit there bawling, until the tears come no more. I take my cell phone out of my pocket and dial a number that I usually call when Harry and I are fighting.

“swag masta from doncasta, what can I do ya for?” Louis answers charmingly. “Lou, Harry hates me now.” I say hardly audible. But Louis hears me just fine. “Hold on, let me go upstairs so we have a bit of privacy.” he says. A few seconds later i hear his voice again, “Okay, what happened love?”

I told him everything that happened tonight. Everything that I said and how Harry replied. Louis was the fun sort of guy, but if you were having a hard time he was the sort of person that you could go to for advise. That’s what I loved about him.

“I don’t know what to do Lou. I’ve hurt him worst than any other time before. You should have saw his face.” I blubber to him. “Give him some space for a few days to cool down, then try explaining that you were upset and saying stupid stuff. Just tell him how you feel, and why it hurt you so much.” Louis says. We talk a bit more, then Louis has to leave, he promised the fans on twitter a twitcam tonight.

I head upstairs and get ready for bed. I climb into bed and pull the covers up to my chin. As soon as my head hits the pillow i was out.

*

There’s loud knocking at my door, then someone starts yelling my name. My eyes flutter open, i look over at the clock. 2:56Am. Who the fuck is at my door this early in the morning? I climb out of bed and head downstairs. “Brianna, open up. I know you’re awake love. Just open the door.” It stops for a few seconds. “Come on BriBri.”