If I'm Louder; A Harry Styles fanfic

chapter 16

Harry and I slowly drift off to sleep in the hospital bed, only for me to be woken up by a nurse who came to check in on me. She looks at the sleeping Harry curled next to me then glances at me briefly. “I’ll let it go this time because I know how much that boy loves you.” she says pointing at him smiling. “What do you mean?” i ask not understanding. “He isn’t suppose to be laying or sleeping on your beat, but I will let it slide for you guys.” She explains smiling at me. “Thank you” i say.

“On a scale of 1-10 how bad is your pain?” she asks writing on a chart. “Erm about a 6, maybe 7.” I say. “Your vitals look good.” she says reading the monitor beside my bed. “I’ll be right back with some pain killers.” she says beginning to walk out of the room. “Wait!” i say.

She peeks at me from the doorway. “I don’t want pain killers.” i say to her. She looks at me confused. “Are you sure?” she asks. “Yes, I don’t like how they make me so sleepy and stuff.” I say with a shrug. “Okay, I’ll send your food in now instead.” she says. “Yes please!” I announce. I was starving.

A few minutes later a girl carries in my tray, I thank her as she leaves. The food was so good, Harry woke up by the time i was slurping the last of the soup out of the bowl. Now he was watching ‘Crazy Stupid Love’ on the TV. “The doctor should be coming in any time now to talk about the baby.” I say breaking the silence between us. He turns the tv down and looks at me. He notices that I was going to cry again.

Harry gets off the couch and walks over to the chair, he sits down and takes my hand in his interweaving our fingers together. “Babe, everything is going to be just fine.” he says urging me with his eyes. “How can you be so sure?” I ask. “Because I know you and I know me. You are beautiful, and strong and caring and all these things that are going to make you into a great mother. I know us, we are strong together, the baby will only make us stronger. It will be the best thing to ever happen to our lives.” he says confidently.

Harry pulls my hand to his lips and covers it in light soppy kisses. I begin to giggle from them tickling my hand. I look at him adoringly, he takes the hint and leans over to me. I gently kiss his forehead then his nose all the way down to his lips and stop there. He kisses me back slowly at first, then a bit more heated. It was a bit like our first kiss, sort of soppy, but it was perfect.

Once again, we are interrupted by the doctor walking in. “Hello.” she says coming over and shaking our hands. “You are?” she asks looking at Harry. “Harry Styles.” He replies flashing his winning smile. She looks at me as if to ask who he was. “He’s the father of the baby.” i say smiling at him. “Oh! Well, let’s get started them.” she says pulling out papers.

*

I have one more day left in this hospital, they moved me out of critical care two days ago. Now I’m in a room much like a hotel room. There are finally less tubes and IVs coming off me now. Harry started doing the concerts again last night with the boys. He didn’t want to leave me, but I could see it in his eyes that he missed performing the last few days.

We managed to find a great obstetrician (maternity doctor) that agreed to travel with me and the boys for the tour. Dr. Jessica Verday.

*

I was sitting in my hospital bed flipping through the channels when Harry stormed in fuming. He wasn’t happy at all. “What’s wrong babe?” i say as my eyebrows knit together. “I kept messing up the solos in the songs today during rehearsals and the boys kept getting annoyed so I finally just left. Now they are upset and won’t even answer my calls or texts.” he says coming over and kissing my forehead. 

Harry and I have yet to tell the boys, his managers, and the boys’ fans that we are having a baby. We both decided that we would wait until i was out of the hospital to tell them the news. Harry had phoned his mom after the doctor left the other night to tell her the news. Robin put us on speaker phone so Anne, him and Harry’s sister, Gemma could hear the news. “Brianna and I are having a baby” Harry announces in the phone. He had placed them on speaker phone so I could also hear. Gemma burst with joy, Robin couldn’t stop congratulating us and Anne was beyond happy for us.

Next I called my father, I knew that this was going to be hard. But I didn’t know just how hard it was going to affect me. “Dad?” i say into the phone. “Brianna? Is that you?” he asks surprised. I hardly ever talked to my dad anymore since him and my mum split. “Yeah dad, it is.” I say. “What’s up?” he says. “Well do you remember my best friend Harry, Harry Styles?” i say smiling when I feel Harry’s name form in my mouth. “Yeah, he’s famous now isn’t he. Don’t want anything to do with you now or something?” he says. I wanted to hang up right then and there, but i needed to tell him. “No dad. He is still my best friend even now that he is famous. Actually we are having a baby together.” I reply to him a bit annoyed by the fact that he would even say that. He mumbles something incoherent into the phone. “What?” i ask. “I said: congratulations. good luck with your life.” he says getting upset. He hangs up on me. I slowly pull the phone from my ear and click it off.

Harry looks at me with sorrow filled eyes, he wraps me in a warm embrace trying to muffle my bawling. How could my own father be so mean to his own daughter. I continue to soil Harry’s shirt in my tears. “Why does he hate me? What did I do?” I say hiccuping through sobs. “I’m sorry babe. You  didn’t deserve any of that. He defiantly doesn’t deserve a daughter like you.” Harry says trying to comfort me. He strokes my hair, laying his cheek on the top of my head as i curl into him. 

——The story behind my parents’ divorce——

I was just a little girl when my parents split. My dad was a drunk, still is. My mom was fed up with him and finally kicked him out one night. He showed up the next day after i got out of school. He saw me walk through the door. I started to make my way up the stairs to my bedroom like I normally did when he was home. “Brannn Come eree” he tells me drunkily. I sigh. “Coming daddy” i say. At this point I was just seven years old when he finally told me this to my face. It was the worst feeling in the world.

“Brannn, do you know why mummy and daddy fight?” he asks reaking of beer as i take a seat in the chair next to him in the kitchen. “Cos of the beer dad.” I say knowing that was the reason why. “No. never the beer. It’s because i don’t love your mother anymore.” he says. I look at him wide-eyed. “Why not?” i say. “Because i didn’t want a kid but she had you anyways even when i told her not to. even after i told her to get rid of you.” he says gulping down yet another beer. I felt the tears welt up in my eyes. “You don’t love mummy because of me?” i ask, on the verge of tears. Mum was still at work, she would be for some time now. “Yes” my dad replies cracking open another beer.

I run up to my room, bawling. I write my mum a note saying that i would be at Harry’s then I tape it to her mirror. My dad would never see it, he never came upstairs. I grabbed my clothes and school bag then ran down the stairs and out the door never looking back. Harry, of course, was there with open arms for me even at the age of seven.

That night my mum got home to find my drunk ass dad passed out on the couch. She found my note, then went to question my father. He told her what he told me, that he didn’t love her because of me. She went upstairs and packed what was left of my clothes, then packed hers. She showed up at Harry’s 2 hours after I had gotten there, her face was red from crying, eyes still puffy. All I could do was hug her. She truly loved me even if my own father didn’t. I only talked to my father about 3 times since then counting tonight. My mum sent him the divorce papers in the mail, he signed them and sent them back. We moved out completely 2 days after he told me that he didn’t love my mum. We moved in with Harry, his mum and sister while my mum looked for a house for us.

———

The rest of the night I sat up crying, Harry tried to comfort me the whole time. But I finally got him talked into going back to the hotel and sleeping. I finally drifted into a deep sleep, waking up several times that night crying.