If I'm Louder; A Harry Styles fanfic

chapter 14

My eyes flutter open. Easier than the last time. Instead of being greeted by Harry again I was greeted by an older version of myself. “Mum?” I question. “Oh Brianna! You’re finally awake again! I’ll go get the nurse.” she says looking up from her book. “No! No that’s quite fine if you don’t.” i say not wanting them back in here. She sits back down. “When did you get here?” I ask. “Yesterday, you were still out when I came the first time.” she says to me. “Harry told me what happened this morning when you woke up.” She says shaking her head.

“How long was I out for?” i ask curiously. “Well, when you came in the first night up until this morning you were out for about 3 days. And today they put you out for a good 5 hours.” my mum says. “What happened exactly?” i say putting my hand on the gauze that was on my shoulder. “I’m sorry love, but I haven’t a clue exactly what happened besides the fact that someone shot you.” she says quietly.

“Is everyone else okay?” I ask quietly. “Physically? yes. Mentally? They are all going out of their minds worrying about you, especially Harry.” she says with a sad smile. “Can I see them?” i wonder. “I-I don’t think that would be best for you right now..” my mum trails on. “Mum please? I need to see the boys, or at least Harry.” i say getting a bit worked up. “You are still the stubborn girl i raised.” she says stroking my cheek. “I’ll go get Harry, but you will have to wait a bit to see the other boys.” she says rising from the chair.

I lay in the hospital bed wishing i could move. The sheets were clinging to my skin. I try to sit up, but feel my stitches tug. I relax a bit as Harry walks into the room. “Hey babe.” i say as he eyes me cautiously. He walks over to my bedside. “Your mum went to get some food.” he says not looking at me. I slide over and pat the open space, wanting Harry to climb in the bed with me. 

He looks at me shaking his head as he takes a spot in the chair next to me. “Not gonna work Brianna.” he says. “Why not?” i say whining. “Because Brianna. This is already hard seeing you laying there when it should have been me. It’s my fault you were shot.” he tells me raising his voice slightly. “I can’t just sit here with you knowing that it’s all my fault that you are laying there with a hole in your body. If-if we would not have been together the other night you wouldn’t be laying here.” Harry says as his voice cracks. “Harry it’s not your fault.” i say trying to calm him down. “Yeah it is Brianna. I feel so guilty. I hate seeing you like this.” he says. I watch the tears begin to fall from his eyes. “No Harry. Don’t cry babe. it’s not your fault, or any of the boys’.” i say.

He just sits there staring at the ground, not saying a single word. I reach for his hand, he tries to pull it away before I could get it but I caught him off guard. I pull his hand into my lap and play with his fingers. Then I pull it up to my lips and kiss it lightly. “Brianna,” he sighs “You are making this even harder than I thought it would be.”

I giggle knowingly, he wanted me to get out of this place just about as much as i did. “It’s not your fault you know, its really no one’s fault besides the person who shot the gun. But even then it can still not be anyone’s fault.” I say as Harry lays his head in my lap. “I just feel that it should be me laying in that bed with a hole instead of you.” he mumbles. “Don’t. Don’t ever say or think that Hazz.” i say a bit shocked.

I sit there stroking Harry’s curls, as he slowly drifts into a much needed sleep. 10 minutes later my mum walks in. She points at Harry asking how long he has been sleeping for. I mouth 15 minutes to her. She walks over and hugs me. “I’ll see when we can get the other boys in here to see you, but for now we should let Harry sleep. He’s been up most of the past three days.” she says ruffing his hair.

*

“Can you find me something to eat? i’m starving.” i say as my stomach starts growling. I was surprised that Harry didn’t wake up from all the noise it was making. “Sure, I’ll go ask the nurse.” my mom replies. I feel Harry start to stir in my lap as she leaves the room. “Morning sleeping beauty.” i say to him smiling at he peeks at me from beneath his curls. He lifts his head up, eyes still looking very tired. “How long was I asleep?” he asks tiredly. “mmm about 2 hours, give or take.” i tell him smiling. His head falls back into my lap. “Harry if you want you can go back to the hotel and sleep. Mum is back now and won’t mind keeping me company.” i say rubbing his back slowly.

“I don’t wanna leave you baby.” he mumbles quietly. “You need more sleep.” I reply. “I need you more.” he says looking up at me, grinning cheekily. “Harry please?” i beg. “How about I sleep on the couch instead?” he says pointing at the couch. “Fine” i say rolling my eyes. He was so stubborn at times.

Harry splays out on the tiny couch and closes his eyes pulling a blanket to his chin. I watch him intently. “Stop staring” he mumbles as a smile spreads across his beautiful lips. “Sorry i can’t help how beautiful my boyfriend is.” i say grinning. A few minutes later I hear Harry snoring lightly, satisfied that he was finally resting I turn the tv on.

“Sorry hunny they said no food until the doctor comes in.” my mum announces as she enters the room. I guess i would have to wait for food now.

*

Harry woke up around 3pm, i told him to go find some food and hang out with the boys tonight. He, after 15 minutes of protesting with me, finally gave in and went to find the boys. Mum stayed with me. “I can tell that he has really grown to love you, Brianna.” she says taking my IV ridden hand, smiling. “How so?” i ask smiling curiously. “Well I could always tell he liked you, sweetheart. But after seeing him like this the past few days, I could see it in his eyes. Always looking at you like your father looked at me. I see it in you too, looking at him like he’s the center of your world. Like he’s the only one you can see. It’s beautiful Brianna, the way you love each other.” my mum says beaming a beautiful smile.

The doctor walks in interrupting us. “Hello, I’m Dr. Walker.” the lady says walking over and shaking  both mine and my mum’s hands. “We have a few things to discuss, Brianna would you like your mother to stay in the room with us?” she says looking at me. “yes” i reply. “Okay, lets get started then.” she announces looking at my charts. I notice her eyebrows furrow. “Is there something wrong?” my mom asks worried. “Brianna…” The doctor starts.