Beastiful || Completed||

Fifty Three

Pic of Jeremy above 😍
Sasha gnawed on her thumbnail as she finished yet another painting. These days she'd been painting and designing nonstop. Her depression had opened an unending tap of creativity that refused to close off. There was always something to make, something to sculpt, something to dye and something to paint.

Now, she'd just done a nice imaginary landscape. It was a torn and battered piece. She'd been so angry and frustrated when painting it, it shouted at the person viewing it.

She sprayed the painting and set it aside along with the other paintings she'd made. She'd take a picture of it later and put it up for sale. Auction maybe. She tilted her head and dug her teeth into her flesh, hard.

It was a new habit that had sprung up during her heavily depressed days. One horrible day, she'd come back home and cleaned off her nail art. From there, the biting had begun and gradually the long pretty nails she'd been keeping for ages, transformed into the raggedy mess on her hands.

Her mind was churning with thoughts of Jeremy. She couldn't believe what had happened a couple of days ago. He had actually showed up to apologize. He had actually come!

It was exhausting loving and hating him at the same time. She craved his company and hated herself for that. How could she still hunt after the guy that had caused so much damage to her? She was clearly losing it. She must be losing her mind.

She purposely removed her thumb from her mouth and wandered out of the attic. After her meeting with Jeremy, she'd sunk lower into her depressed state.
Sasha 2.0 apparently could not handle him. She wanted to be with him but she couldn't trust a word he said. He'd showed a flagrant disregard for her thoughts and feelings during their prior relationship. Even if it had been a dare, he should have tried. He could have tried.

Instead he cheated on her with her sister. He pushed her away when he was hurt and alone. He'd kept secrets from her all through. He'd lied about everything, including their relationship.

Could she even count him as a friend? Was anything he ever told her real?

She wandered into her room and flopped on the bed. Sylvie had gone to swim with friends. Sasha was grateful. She just wanted to be alone at this point.

She wanted to believe Jeremy. With all her heart, she wanted to trust him again. She wanted to put everything behind her and move on from the past. But she couldn't. Every time she saw him, accompanied by the skip of her heart was the dull stab of hurt. The suspicion, the distrust, the anger at him.

Loving him wasn't enough. Caring about his wellbeing wasn't enough. She could never trust him. That was that.

She opened her phone and saw a bunch of missed calls from him. Her heart lifted. He'd called! Then it sank right back. He'd called to tell more lies.

Angrily, she blocked his number. How dare he call her? What more did he want to take away from her? What more could she give him?

To soothe her nerves, she began to play some music on her phone. After a couple of songs, the rage had dulled and she was lolling her head lazily to the beat.

All of a sudden, her eyes flew open as a certain song began to play.

Tears filled her eyes as she remembered the scenario that came with the song. It was Wings by Birdy.

Jeremy had made dinner for her. They'd danced. They'd kissed. Oh, how they'd kissed. He'd asked her out later that day.

Sasha's cheeks flushed as she remembered how it felt to be in his arms. How could it feel so exhilarating just thinking about a person?