Oneshots - xreader or ships (read the description) (FINISHED)

The best people are - Joker x reader (SS)

You were a patient at Arkham Asylum. Yes, you were crazy. You kept claiming that everyone would be murdered one day by the best around - good or bad. That wasn't what made you crazy. You used to be in the crime business. Your name was [villain name] (IMMA LAZY AUTHOR AND I DON'T FEEL LIKE USING MY OC's NAME). After every killing, you would carve into the body 'good luck finding me mother fuckers! ~[villain's name]'. Whelp, the motherfuckers found you. You weren't mentally stable. At age 10 you had tried to kill the lunch lady at school because she wouldn't give you a free lunch after you forgot your lunch money. You had tried to kill a bunch of people in the past 2 decades of your life, but only succeeding once he taught you.

The Joker himself.

Growing up he was your idol. Everything about him just seemed perfect in the most crazy ways. You remembered when you first met Batman though - hehe that was fun. You kicked him right in the balls, running. It was also the day you met Joker. Let's have a flashback!(OML NOT OF YOU KICKING HIS BALLS - well that's part of it -BUT OF YOU MEETING JOKER)

~~flashback~~
"Why hello, [villain's name]." You heard. You turn around to see Batman. You laugh maniacally.

"Why, if it isn't ol' Batfart." You say, swinging your gun around by it's trigger. "Nice to finally meet you in person."

"Yes, but in the most pleasant way." He says, eyeing the money you stole. And the gang you knocked out to get it. You were the worst kind of thief - the thief who stole from other thieves. Everyone in town knew about you - especially other villains and criminals. You look at the bag of money, the back at batman in a suspicious way. You head was slightly tilted and your tongue was in your cheek.

"Don't you have a life to save?" You ask. You looks at you sternly. Well...more like normal, he always looked at people sternly. He suddenly lunged at you, and you shot his foot. He falls to the ground. "Fun fact, Batsy, the most weak spot on a person is their foot. It's the one thing they don't armor." You say, walking away. You stop.

"Oh, and by the way, I'm not sparing your life, I'm waiting for the hitman I hired to kill you. He's gonna do it for free - he's been waiting for the day Batman died for a loooong time." You say, remembering Deadshot. You kick him in the balls, earning a groan of pain from him. You walk into the street, and here laughing. You turn, and see Joker. You lightly gasp, not noticeably though.

"Cupcake, you could've killed him right then and there." He says, chewing on some gum.

"I've tried to kill people my entire life, but I mess up almost every time." You say, crossing your arms.

"I can teach ya." He says, you turn to him again, wide eyed.

"Really? You would do that?"

"Well the next time your around to almost killing Batsy over there I want you to finish the job, so yes. I would do that." He says. You tip your hat to him (If you don't have a hat, just don't imagine that part.)

"I'll take you up on that offer." You say. You hear sirens. You turn, and see the faint glow of cop car lights coming that way. You turn back to Joker. "Until next time, Mister J."

"Until next time, [villain name]." He says, while you run off into the night.

~~end of flashback~~
You wait for the psychiatrist to walk in, when you hear loud gun shots echo through the building. The door bursts open. You turn, and see Joker. Smoke fills the room, you could tell he's set a fire.

"Where have you been, you idiot?" He asks, gun in hand.

"Well, I've been killing cops, robbin' banks, and gettin' caught." You say with ease and a smile, sounding like Boyd from Justified. He laughs.

"Well, it's time you get out, ain't it?" He says. He unlocks your handcuffs and un-does your straight jacket. Once it's off, he hands you a gun.

"Thanks a lot, Mister J." You say, looking at the gun he hands you. It was one of yours. You could tell because on the barrel, the inscription 'good never wins' and 'forever young - and evil' were on it. He smiles widely.

"No need to thank me. They're always putting labels on people like us anyway. Crazy, mentally unstable, evil, whatever they cane think off. One of the many reasons I hate this place." He says, shooting a few guards. You smirk.

"Well, you know what they say."

"What?" He asks.

"So what if we're crazy?" I start.
"The best people are."