Die Trying

Electric Blue Eyes

After the guards brought me to get my hand all fixed up I ran to my room trying to hide my feelings. Always keep your heart and everything you love in a box. It is the easiest way that you can avoid getting hurt. I guess my box is broken though because she is all I can think about, Caline the hurt, anger, pain, and hate I saw in her eyes when she looked at me, but there was something else there too that I noticed. It was fear and love. None of this makes any sense. What should I do? Could she be mad at me because the guards got her? Does she think that I ratted her out to the guard because the prince is my... My what? What are we?

In a moment my personal maid slightly opened the door and poked her head into my room. "Trice come in, how is everything. Are you okay?" I sat up and my puppies jumped off my bed and ran to Trice jumping and barking at her excitedly wanting her to play. We looked at each other and giggled.

"Oh I am fine, to be honest, I came up here to see if you were okay." I was taken aback by her words. I am a tough girl, who speaks her mind and defies authority. I don't need anyone but my brothers and my own will to keep myself strong. Yet here was someone who cared about me and my feelings like no one ever had before. It makes me wonder how many people actually care for the others around them and how many don't. Also, who cares for me that I look over.

"I am okay," I said debating if I was going to tell Trice about Caline or not. Just then I heard a knock on my door. I looked at Trice asking with my eyes if it was okay to tell them to come in or go away. She smiled at me and nodded her head yes to me.

"If right now is not a good time I could come back later." It was Harry.

"No right now is fine you can come in," I said quickly as if I didn't want him to leave. Then when he walked into my room I sucked in my breath. He was wearing a dark blue t-shirt and blue jeans. He for once did not look like a prince, he looked like someone who my brothers would be friends with. My heart was beating as if I had just sprinted several miles. This is so odd, what is happening to me?

Trice got up and smiled at me. "I have some chores to do I will talk to you again soon Malean." She walked quickly to the door and turned around quickly once she was at the door and winked at me. I tilted my head to the side and looked at Harry.

"What was that about?" I asked him surprised by how different he looked in normal clothes.

"I have no clue. You would have a better idea than me." He said with a shy smile. I turned away thinking of my earlier thought about us. "What is wrong, are you okay?" He took my hand in his and held it gently.

I shook my head slightly and laughed softly without any humor. "I don't ever know at this point I feel like everything is up in the air right now." He looked at me thoughtfully.

"If you ever want to talk to someone I will be there for you, you know that right?" This made me look up from watching the puppies playing on the floor.

"What are we?" I asked him quietly trying to keep anything that might sound like weakness out of my voice. I don't know if I did though. Harry looked into my eyes and that alone told me a lot. You can always learn a lot about another person by looking into their eyes.

"Whatever you want us to be," He said with a gentleness in his voice that made my heart ache almost painfully. What is going on with me?

"That is not helpful," I say after thinking about it for a couple of minutes. He sighed as he started playing with my fingers.

"If you want the truth I have no clue. I know what I someday want us to be, but I am not going to force you into anything that you don't want to do."

His words sort of shocked me. He isn't going to force me. That thought was on repeat in my head. Then what happened next I honestly don't think either of us expected. I stood up pulling him with me. He looked at me questioningly then my lips were on his. He stood still for a second his body tense, and I almost pulled away how could my traitorous heart do this to me. Then his hands were on my waist pulling me closer to him. I felt my hands travel up his back slowly tracing his spine through his shirt until my hands found their way into his hair. I wound my fingers through his soft brown curls. We moved back till I was up against the wall and I guess that is where we just looked into each other's eyes breathing hard. What is happening to me? This is new territory for me nothing like this has ever happened before.  This is something new for me, but it was also a comforting place for me to be in his electric blue eyes. 

I felt safe in them and I never feel safe. Could this be what love feels like. Love for someone who isn't your blood. Love for someone who put so many girls through hell because of the way the laws are, and I truly believe I am in love with him. God, please help me. Please.