Die Trying

BOYS!

I woke up groggily lying in bed with a few cups of water laying on the nightstand. Greedily I grabbed one and chugged it down. Then I remembered being all sweaty and gross. Harry why for heaven's sake did you drop me in bed! Aggravatedly but weakly I pulled the covers over my head. Something is off. I take a breath through my nose. Something isn't right here, my blankets don't smell like my blankets. They smell really and truly odd but not in a bad way.

I poke my head out from under the blankets and realize very quickly after that something I probably should have realized from the beginning. This is not my room. I look around the room and notice the small changes. The placement of the furniture, and... Oh my gosh, there is a bookshelf with actual books, not the propaganda crap! Then I look at the corner of the room, sitting in a chair reading a book was Harry.

"What are you reading?" I try to see the title but can't. I sit up and hop out of his bed. THe smell of it lingering in my nose. I never thought about what he smelled like. Well, that is an odd sentence but in a room with the overpowering smell of Harry, I couldn't help it. Honey soap and guy. Anyway awkward.

"Oh, nothing. Just 'The Collection of Edgar Allan Poe's Best" I look at him in shock but I guess he thought I didn't understand because he started explaining it. "Edgar Allan Poe was a-"

"I know who he is. My favorite story he has written is 'The Tail Tale Heart". He looked at me skeptically.

"But books like these are illegal for the citizens. How did you manage to get your hands on a book like this?" I rolled my eyes at him because it is me we are talking about here.

"I manage to get my hands on whatever I want. Good enough answer?" He just laughed softly at me.

"I forgot that it was you that we were talking about."

"Exactly." We kind of just look at each other and smile a bit as if we were sharing an inside joke.

"So what is it that you like about that particular story?" He asked setting his book to the side. I had to think for a minute because when I read it is like a whole new world and I become the characters. It isn't me reading about them, it is me being them. So in my life from that book what do I like so much?

"What I think I like so much is the man is obviously a genius." Harry looks as if I had lost it. "Let me explain it to you. He plans for so long then he is slightly daring, then he commits the murder. He planned everything out every little detail, from how to do it to the place to bury the body. The one thing he didn't think about or count on was that he still had a conscious. You can do anything if you don't feel anything. Kill anyone, torture anyone in the most gruesome and painful way. He could still feel though, love." I look out the window still standing up but suddenly my legs didn't feel like they could hold me so I sat on the floor. "The smartest people are usually the evilest. Look at Hitler, he made all sorts of advancements, created a type of motorized vehicle, but the way he did it was purely evil."

This talk of smart people and how they can do horrible things made my back hurt. Harry came and sat on the floor with me and held me quietly. I am letting my walls fall down and he is beginning to see what I truly am. Broken, lier to h myself, idiot, fake, but yet he is still holding me here and not turning away from me. Not pushing me away,

"Can you tell me about your past?" Is the next thing that comes out of Harry's mouth. I had a silent moment of shock but I complied and started long ago. When I was so very young, one of two memories I have left of my mother.

"Mommy!" I screamed jumping off the swing and into her arms. I unlike most of the other girls in Daddy's home got to do fun things. Mommy was his favorite, he loved mommy and because of that, he loved me. His favorite little girl. Well, that is what he tells me every night as he tucks me into bed.

"Baby that was one big jump! How did you learn to do that?" She smiles at me with her snow-white smile. She has brown hair like me but deep blue eyes. She says that mine are prettier though.

"Mic helped me." Then I looked around nervously and then back to mommy. "You willn't tell daddy right?" I ask not wanting Mic to get in trouble he would put his dirty socks in my hair when I am sleeping if I got him in trouble. I cringe at the thought.

Mommy giggles a little and tucks a stray hair behind my ear. "I promise." She took my hand and she walked and I skipped back to the house together.

My eyes were closed now remembering the dad that loved me. A person that doesn't exist anymore. Harry was holding me close and tight. This is how we are a lot of the time anymore. It felt good but I didn't want his pity, I wanted something that meant more. I wanted something that he was so good at giving.

I opened my eyes and then turned my eyes up to meet his. Then it was as if he knew what I wanted. He dipped his head down to mine and then kissed me. I brought my hands up around his neck pulling myself up. Then he did something new. He started kissing my cheek but didn't stop there. He made a path of kisses down my neck and at this I breathed in sharply. He hesitated but didn't stop. Oh my gosh. I don't know what is worse. The fact that my brothers are now living here and this can't be a usual occurrence because of that. Or that I am not pushing him away and giving him a speech about self-respect and bubble space.

I decided very much against the emotional part of me that I had to stop this before it got to touchy feelie. I pulled back and brought his face back up to mine. Later my heart said but my mouth said something completely different.

"My brothers." He away but not before I could see that he was blushing.

"Yea, I can see how this would be a bad thing for them to walk in on. Even though no one is supposed to be in here unless I permit it." His face was full of defeated annoyance.

I just had to laugh at that. "Yah good luck getting all of them to listen to that. We all know what happens when there is a young girl with a bunch of older brothers."

"Yah I guess." He took in a deep breath then looked straight at me. "They aren't, ummm going to kill me. Right?" He was so serious I couldn't help laughing but when I saw his face I realized he was actually worried. I thought about it for a second. "Malean!" Harry yelled nervously.

"Mic and Jakub probably would like to, but John would never let them unless you did something big to make him really, really mad." Harry looked like he was going to throw up. I tried I really did try not to laugh but I couldn't help it.

"Your brothers might want to murder me and you are laughing? I fail to see what is so funny." He grumbled walking into his restroom then shut the door. Now, this annoyed me.

"The great and powerful highness is afraid that the lowly merchant boys are going to kick his tiny little princely butt, so he is hiding from their youngest sister a little delicate girl!" This got him to poke his head out of the door.

"Malean you are many things but delicate really?" He shakes his head at me and I just shrug at him.

"Like a flower."

"A flower set on beating up everyone in its path." He said with a scoff. Blowing his hair out of his eyes, it was a fruitless effort though because it fell with even more hair back into his eyes. I reached forward without even thinking about it and pushed his hair back into place.

"Your getting it now!" I say with a smile. "I am going to head to my room I need to get a shower the sweat has dried in my eyebrows and if I rub my fingers on them the dried sweat will literally come out of them in flakes." I walked over to the door and opened it. Opened it to find a group of three guys standing outside the door whistling and twiddling their thumbs.

"Are you kidding me!" I scream storming off to my room with a slightly annoyed smile. As soon as I turned the corner they broke out into a fit of laughter. BOYS!