Die Trying

Death to a Coward

 I don't know how or what to feel right now. I want to talk to someone, but I don't. I want to die but I don't. I don't want to sit in silence but noise doesn't seem to fit the moment. I want my puppies but they were put in the royal doghouse to be trained. Life is too much of a responsibility. Life is so easily taken away as well. Thinking back on it my life has almost been taken away from me more times than I can count.

What if I ran away into the woods. Followed the river to a world I never knew. Where I could be alone and not hurt anyone. I don't know how to be a friend. I don't know how to be a savior or a hero. I know how to hurt others, how to kill someone. What I really wish right now is that someone would kill me.

I am to weak, and too afraid to hurt myself let alone commit suicide. I go over to my dresser and aimlessly pick up random jewels. Necklaces, rings, bracelets. Then nail polish. You ruined James life. A voice whispers in my ear. Everything you touch is destroyed. Your friend is insane. You did nothing to save her from the punishment. You broke your promise to the prince. They all fear you, your brothers don't trust you. You are a monster. You are a freak. You destroy everything. The world would be a better place if you and your destruction weren't a part of it. I walk into the bathroom not really noticing what I am doing or feeling at all. I fill a cup of water from the sink faucet then I look at the nail polish in my hand. It is a sparkly crimson red, sort of fitting considering how my whole life is bleeding. My heart bleeding out into the world, a world that doesn't care.

I open the nail polish and the smell hits my nose like a slap in the face. I pour the nail polish into the cup and watch as it paints the faultlessly clear water with blood red poison. I stir the water until the coloring is just a light pink. That was when I heard my bedroom door open. I look at the cup in front of me and I refuse to cry at my choice.

"I will miss you all." I pick up the cup and lift it to my lips, the smell of it alone was nauseating.

"Melan, let me in." It was John. I quickly drank the poisoned water and gagged as I did. I felt the thickness of the nail polish travel down my throat but I also felt my stomach start to put up a fight. I started to puke on the floor and all over myself. Then the door was suddenly thrown off of its hinges and John was yelling orders and then it all went dark, and the coward is dead.