I never want to say goodbye; a John Laurens x Reader

Chapter 45

And with that, me and my new husband go home.

Guys I might break you this chapter... remember you chose this....

GUYS I CAN KINDA PLAY TAKE A BREAK ON PIANO I AM PHILLIP HAMILTON
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(Y/N)'s POV

I wake up in my fian- husband's arms. Gotta get used to saying that. I notice John is awake already. I look at him and his eyes are red and puffy. "John? Baby what's wrong?" I ask. He starts sobbing immediately. I pull him into a hug. "Sweetie can you explain to me what's wrong?" I ask sweetly. He takes a deep breath and swallows.

"I read the note" he says, a few tears falling from his eyes. My heart sinks into my stomach. "Can I read it?" I ask getting nervous. He hands me the note letting out a sob. I rub his arm and open the folded letter.

My dearest, John

     Cold in my professions — warm in my friendships — I wish my dear Laurens, it might be in my power, by action rather than words, to convince you that I love you. I shall only tell you that 'till you bade us Adieu, I hardly knew the value you had taught my heart to set upon you. Indeed, my friend, it was not well done. You know the opinion I entertain of mankind, and how much it is my desire to preserve myself free from particular attachments, and to keep my happiness independent on the caprice of others. You should not have taken advantage of my sensibility to steal into my affections without my consent. But as you have done it and as we are generally indulgent to those we love, I shall not scruple to pardon the fraud you have committed, on condition that for my sake, if not for your own, you will always continue to merit the partiality, which you have so artfully instilled into me. By the time you shall read this, I will be long gone with my mother and brother. Do not miss me my dear, as you have your beautiful wife (Y/N).

Yrs for ever
A. Hamilton

     I finish reading the note and collapse onto John. He hold me tight as we sob onto each other. I get a strong urge to do something I shouldn't. "I'm going to go to the bathroom" I whisper to John. I get out of bed and walk into the bathroom.

     I take John's razor and take the blade out of it, slicing my finger in the process. I gasp and hold my finger attempting not to get blood everywhere. I sit in the empty bathtub and slice my arm, staining my clothes. This is all my fault. I cut again, unintentionally letting out a scream. Fuck. John comes running in.

     "(Y/N) NO!" He screams as I slowly lose consciousness. "I lost Alexander I can't lose you too" he says sobbing. I grab his hand. "Baby, get a towel and call 911" I say. He nods and quickly grabs a towel, pulling his phone out. He places a call and turns his attention towards me. "2 minutes baby stay awake for just a few more minutes" he says crying. "I don't want to say goodbye" he says kissing me. "It's all my fault, it's my fault he's g-g-" I can't continue. "Hey shhh it's not your fault, Eliza texted me and said he had been depressed for a while" he says. "Please, let it go, stay alive for me" he continues. I smile and hear sirens.

     "I'll stay alive for you" I say when the paramedics rush in. They take me and put me in the ambulance, John rushing out soon after.

John's POV

     Alex is already gone. I can't bare to lose the love of my life. I run to the ambulance. "I'm sorry sir but you can't ride in there" one of the EMTs says to me. "But she's my wife!" I say almost crying. The man's eyes widen. "I'm sorry about that sir, you can get in" he says. I hop in and they start driving.

     "(Y/N) please stay alive" I whisper to her. "I will, I promise" she whispers back. We get to the hospital and they rush her inside. I call everyone telling them about (Y/N). I'll tell them about Alex when they get here.

{small time skip I'm sorry guys}

Everyone rushes in. Even Eliza and Peggy. "John what happened?" Eliza asks when she gets to me. "She thought it was her fault that Alex-" I cut myself off. "Oh sweetheart, it's all going to be alright" she says with a soft smile. "The others don't know yet" I say. Eliza immediately calls them all over.

"Guys there's something you need to know" Eliza starts. "Alexander committed suicide last night" she says. Everyone starts crying silently. "I know it's terrible but we're all going to get through this together" she finishes. Just then a doctor comes out.

     "Are you guys here for (Y/N) Laurens?" He asks. "Yes" I say. "Good news, she's alive and can go home tomorrow. Bad news only one of you can see her" he finishes. "Can I go?" I ask. "She's your wife why are you asking?" Eliza says laughing. Soon everyone is laughing and I'm walking to (Y/N)'s room.

     "(Y/N)!" I shout. "John!" She shouts back. I run over and hug her. "Please never do that again" I say. "I won't" she says. I kiss her and sit down. "You remember we still have school right?" She says. "I forgot about that" I say. "I want Alexander back" she says letting a few tears fall. "I know baby girl, I do too" I say. "I love you so much" (Y/N) says. "I love you too" I say. We sit there with each other, working through the unimaginable.

A/N: ok so I'm sorry but my story was getting basic so I did something I'm pretty sure nobody's done yet. You guys can punish me though.

Choose a song for me to sing (Hamilton, Heather's, 21 Chump Street, P!ATD, Michael In The Bathroom)

Or rap (anything by Clipping)

Love y'all
-Ella