Jaspar One Shots (boyxboy)✔️

Happier (Part Two Final)

Dear Caspar,

I have no idea why I'm even writing this Zoe thinks it will help me move past the hurt of everything. She even tried to set me up with her friend Owen just to go out for a few drinks to help take my mind off of you. I like him a lot but I don't know if anything will come of it. I saw you the other day coming from a building with your manager. You look tired I had to bite my lip and keep walking, despite everything that happened I couldn't help the worry I felt. We stopped for drinks at this new pub that opened. It was a really nice place he helped me forget about you for a little while he can really make me laugh.

Part of me feels so much happier and free now that we aren't together I don't feel like I don't matter anymore. I don't have to worry about taking a backseat to the other things in your life and yet part of me misses you. I miss our random conversations and late night movie marathons. I miss the soft kisses you would lay on my lips to wake me in the morning. I wish things wouldn't have changed the way they did. I keep telling myself that I can do this I'll be able to move on completely. To be happier than what I was all our friends say it's going to happen I just need to give it time.

I have never in my life been hurt in the way you hurt me and yet I know that deep down nobody could ever come close in my heart to what you did. That scares me I don't want to be hung up on you, I want to be able to give all of my love to whoever comes along in the future. Although that small part wishes it was you I still love you in a way I probably always will. But I need to do what's best for me I can't let you have that power over me anymore. It's not healthy I'm going to move on don't take it personally if it's sooner rather than later. Let's be honest I probably won't open myself up for that kind of hurt ever again. Yeah the company is nice but I have to be careful I can't let myself fall like that for someone not if the result will be the same.

I really hope that this letter helps me I think I'll keep it in my bedside drawer whenever I'm missing you I'll take it out. Read it over and remind myself I'm better off I'm happier than I was with you at the end of our relationship. Just know that if anyone breaks my heart again I'll always think of you.

                                                                          Joe